Posted in Connect, Funny, Sayings, Story

I Like All Words

One wordWords are wonderful. We need them to get the huge things in our minds out onto small things like paper. I like paper, too, and pencils and other small things that capture huge things.

Yes, I like all words. Even words that tell of bad things, like “tornado” —what an amazing word that is, rolling around in the mouth before it can get out, reminding of tortuous torment and torture—a perfect word!

I like teensy words that tell of teensy things. Think of chick“. The shortest short vowel with that clipped /k/ ending. So perfect . . . .

I like open-ended words that can change in meaning according to how we say them. Take no for example. Short and sweet and full of amazing meaning. When stated with strength it imparts an imperativeness that communicates authority and a sort of “final answer” fortress.

When screamed by a female voice, “NO-O-O-O-O!” it causes adrenaline to course through the veins of every hearer.

Great word!

Or consider that little scamp of a word: “if”. Heh heh.

Yes, I like all words.

They told me I have to pick out only one, though. January beckons and the new rage is to pick a word, any word, that will get its picker through the next year.

I don’t really like this new game. It reminds me of celebrity adoption. Everyone’s got a new word they never had before, one that will become a source of some amazement. Almost braggy, and about what?

I picked a word?

Actually, I’m thinking about how all the other really wonderful words are feeling left out, about now, since they do not express grand character traits or describe a multitude of to-do lists in one syllable. “Weed.” One word, one sentence, conveying broken fingernails, aching back, burnt shoulders, frozen knee joints, and another go for tomorrow.

Gives me goose bumps to think of it.

No, I don’t really believe in all this word picking.

So it’s really embarrassing for me to realize words are coming to me.

It’s not like when I’m writing. When I’m writing, and often when I’m not, words sort of float by my consciousness for the fun of it, for me to consider, a bit like a marquee sign I can mentally click on, any time I choose, and have fun considering derivations, true meanings, possible alternate spellings, misuses, etc.

It’s how I breathe.

No, this is more like when a bird flies over and leaves a calling card on your nose.

I’ve gotten a word.

Nuts. Didn’t want one. Sighs.

This happened last year and I actually liked the word and had fun proclaiming it throughout the land. Everyone was picking grandiose words of achievement, direction, authority, etc.; making me tired just to think of all the things everyone else would be doing during 2014. And I really am pretty sure I “got” a word, that it landed on me from the sky, and I liked it.

It was: “less”.

And I loved it and I actually achieved it. Perfect. I blogged less, shopped less, argued less—all the things that wore me out were just “less” and I think it did me a lot of good. I became contemplative, thankful, and rested.

I even ate less. Yay.

And really, a year of it was a little much. I mean, I dusted less. So you can imagine.

However, 2015 approaches and no one else is tired of the game, yet. We’re still passing this football around. She sighs. Okay. I have to admit it, here:

I got another word.

I did not want another word.

But it gets worse than that.

I think I got two. Nuts.

You see, while I was at a retreat this past September, there was this sort of river of blue fabric from which we could pick (as if it were a real river) a rock (an actual rock) to take home. On the bottom of the rock was painted a word. The word was supposed to be from God to give me direction or bless me or something, and as you can figure, I didn’t want one. So I sort of sneaked around during the word-picking section of the session and escaped.

Felt pretty victorious about it. And relieved.

However, as we were cleaning up after the conference, I got cornered.

And here, I have to explain that I was helping with cleaning it up, because I was on the team that arranged and produced the conference, and in all honesty I must admit: I was the one who introduced the great idea of the river of blue fabric with rocks with words painted on their little bottoms. I learned it from a Canadian friend who has written a beautiful book that includes much more information about this whole river idea, and I sort of blame her a tiny bit for my whole predicament, that day. (Just kidding, Bobbie!) 😉

Anyway, my co-host for the conference did not let me get away with my escape plan. She graciously allowed me to choose a rock from the box where she was packing them. So, from a box of rocks, which itself was partly my idea, with my own two hands, I deliberately chose a word.

And it was puzzling.

This word did not seem like a long to-do list.

Noble Rock
Noble Rock

It was: Noble.

Huh. Like sitting on a throne?

My ecstatic friend, however (She really is a  good friend) claimed it fit me perfectly and went on to quote Solomon about The Noble Wife.

Oh. Proverbs 31. It is a lo-o-ong to-do list. Nuts.

Because of my puzzled look, probably, my friend went on to give examples of how that word fit me absolutely perfectly.

I kept thinking, That was last year! This is still the year of LESS!

The more I thought of it, though (pretty varnished rock, truly a beauty, wanted to display it . . . ) the more I realized I could shape up a bit. Like make the bed in the morning? Get rid of the really ratty pj’s? Clear out the kitchen countertop? Dust?

Yeah, I could do it.

So it was with great ease that I planned to breeze my noble little self through all this word-picking business and arrive at the head of the pack because I’d had a three-month head start.

Competitive? Maybe a little bit?

Adopt-a-word was beginning to get to me.

Then I sort of forgot about the word. Then I sorta got a calling card.

A word.

It kept floating past on the marquee sign in my head, like a broken program somewhere was causing the marquee to display the same word quite often.

Too often.

“Organize”.

I began to consider it and to wonder. Okay. I could do that. I need to do that. Organize.

At least I have “less” stuff to organize these days.

Soon, I couldn’t wait to spread the good news abroad: I’ve given birth to a new word! Well, through adoption, that is. It’s a great word. Overused, but really productive-sounding and totally speaking of lo-o-ong to-do lists!

I was planning. A to-do list was forming.

So, finally, yesterday, the call went out: Announce Your Word! Link up! Share! Proclaim!

One word.

One. To inspire me as I walk through 2015. To guide my ways and make me a better person.

So how do I explain I have two?

_______________________

More tomorrow.

Posted in Food, Funny, Recipes

I got mad at Betty.

I’ve been baking furiously, here, trying to get a cake for 60 or so people ready for this coming Sunday, when our church will host a baccalaureate for our seniors.

I am used to baking and decorating larger cakes, have done several for various showers and weddings. I love doing it.

However, cakes have a way of failing when you are making them for a special event. I’ve had many mix cakes fall, and occasionally, a scratch cake will fall for me.

This time around, I chose to use a mix because I have the following activities in my life the same weekend:

  • Helping host the Arkansas Home School 2014 Graduation in Searcy
  • Helping a newly widowed woman move into town
  • Preparing and printing the brochures for our baccalaureate
  • A camp rally at our church’s camp near Mena
  • Cleaning and decorating our church for the baccalaureate

So, you can see, I really did not have time to make scratch cakes and although I never prefer it, I bought mixes and hoped and prayed they’d turn out.

Well, they did not fall.

But when I attempted to turn the first one out onto a rack to finish cooling, it stuck.

It was firmly IN the pan, so firmly it left parts of itself behind and nearly broke in two as I wrestled with it.

As I complained about how they just don’t make cake mixes like they used to, I sort of pieced it together and started on the next cake, determined to really slather the pan with oil and flour, so this one would not stick.

I reached for the other pan and, lo! it was already oiled.

It was the pan I’d prepared for the first cake, but I’d inadvertently poured the first batter into an unprepared pan.

I said a lot of mean things about you, Betty, and I apologize.

It was all my fault.

😉

____________

UPDATE!

The final product, I am so glad to say. Doing this was like watching a scary movie! Seven pounds just in the frosting. Aren’t we amazing!

Betty and I
Betty and I
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Posted in Believe it or not!, Funny, humor, Inspiring

Your Feet Keep Growing

Your feet keep growing. I never knew that.

When I was 18, I was 5½ feet tall and wore a size 7 shoe. Now days, I’m most comfortable in a 10. I can hardly believe it. I’m no taller, some heavier (110 lb. was too skinny), but my feet probably have added a pound, themselves.

I’ve been thinking about it. Maybe this foot growth in old age indicates something else going on in the personality or psyche.

Long ago, I also used to say about carpet that I disliked it. I would say, “I prefer a firmer foundation.” It was a sort of religious statement, I suppose, likening carpet to sugar coating the truth, or something. I’ve always preferred hardwood or ceramic tile, or even linoleum; not carpet, and I wanted it to appear that I had spiritual reasons for it. It was an unfair assertion, on my part. I don’t use it so much, anymore, unless I find someone discouraged about having big feet.

Your Feet Keep GrowingNow my feet are big. Hmph. I have that firmer foundation, now. Along with it have come larger ears and a longer nose. They never stop growing, either.

That explains how someone as elongated as some elderly folks appear to be could find spouses who thought they were cute, in their day. Cuteness has not changed.

Facial structure and appearance does, though. It’s not just wrinkles we’re up against—we face (literally) a long (literally) list of appearance changes, given enough longevity. (No pun.)

I strongly desire the longevity, but am appalled at the lengthening I find in the mirror.

Used to be, I could stay trim with only the exercise that housekeeping provides. Now days, I need strength-training exercises, first, just to be able to perform the housekeeping. Used to be, I enjoyed a short workout with a hoe. Now days, I can put myself out of commission if I reach up wrong to grab the hoe from the shed.

I have not spent long years inactive—just a short winter of no hoeing can lay me up.

Same for twenty minutes of hoeing.

The reason, they tell us, is the body does not replenish muscle as efficiently, in old age as in youth. I guess it’s too busy making longer bones, or something.

So, if I’m a building with a firmer foundation and added square footage, I also need the walls re-plastered and the stairways reinforced on the interior. I think that is true spiritually, too.

I have deeper thoughts, more strongly believed, but I forget them by the time I sit down to type them to you. It’s called longevity. I like it over the alternative.

Posted in Believe it or not!, Funny, Health

A Funny Story about My Eye Business

(And I hope the last time I ever post about this stuff.)

One Friday, after my usual eye doctor visit I had another appointment, with my grandson, to attend his birthday party, which had been arranged specifically to mesh with my schedule.

We had a lovely time celebrating this lovely grandson and the hour arrived to let him get to bed, and us home.

It’s a long drive over narrow, hilly, curvy, crumbly, bumpy country roads, from his house to mine. Some of the roads have few markings, due to paint rub-off, due to overuse and under-upkeep. Some of the bridges are only barely wide enough to be two lanes.

Quaint.

Plenty good enough for me. I drive a Ford truck. One of the last of the Rangers. Just a bit jazzed up from the last owner . . .

However, I noticed someone following me almost all the way. It’s harder, yet, to drive at night with lights in your rear-view mirror. This person was not exactly tailgating, but sure was sticking like glue. Sighs.

English: Striped Skunks (Mephitis mephitis)
Striped Skunks (Mephitis mephitis) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Also, on these country roads, we often encounter deer, skunks, armadillos, dogs, cats, possums, etc. We always drive with attention to the woods along the road, looking out for the gleam of the eyes of something that wants to hop out before you just as you pass, so you can hit it. With the smaller creatures, it’s mostly too bad, but with skunks and deer, you can really acquire a messed-up vehicle if you hit them.

So I swerved a time or two.

We also sometimes encounter huge trucks, used to help chicken farmers keep their chicken houses cleaner, that we fondly call “Tyson’s Soup Trucks”. I don’t think you can Google that and learn what it is, so just use your imagination, okay? It’s gross. Anyone would rather go one-on-one with a cement truck than with one of those. Okay?

So, we really, really yield the right of way when one of those “soup trucks” is trying its best to maneuver a tight country curve. So I yielded, really yielded, once.

As I neared town, as the road smoothed and straightened and had a more substantial shoulder, I noticed my almost-tailgater friend also had blue lights atop his car. Sighs. I was in no mood for being spot-checked, but so be it–I stopped.

The officer was really handsome, young with a baby face to match, doing his level best to look stern and official. I’d take him for a son, if his mom didn’t want him. He told me I’d been weaving and driving on the shoulder, crossing the center line, etc. Well? I guess he was so busy watching me, he forgot to watch the road. I should have bumped a skunk for his driving pleasure?

Then he began searching inside my cab with his flashlight. Then he wanted to know where I’d been and where I was going. Wow. I am plenty old enough to be his mom. I’m used to asking those things of folks his age.

I’ve been to my grandson’ birthday party and I’m on my way home.

Not convinced.

Okay, before that I had an eye doctor appointment in the really big city, to get a shot in my eyeball.

That got his attention.

And here is the funny part.

You know how the thought of getting a shot in your eyeball makes you shiver, but doesn’t do that for me anymore?

He shivered. Not a little, barely perceptible shiver, but a big shiver, one due the enormity of the thought. His big hand stopped pushing that little pen and he lost his cool for just a moment. And after that, he decided just to give me a warning and then he let me go.

But not before he left his parting remark: “Well that explains your red, weeping eyes.”

Hmm. Driving a jazzed up truck, weaving, red-eyed granny–I’m sure he was disappointed.