Tag: patience

Posted in Blessings of Habit, Inspiring

An Amazing Toast to Amazing People

Posted on by Katharine

“This post is my raised glass to the third shift faithful, the round-the-clock warriors, the on-call, ever-ready, what’s-a-day-off few who stand in the gap while others sleep and sip eggnog around the fire.

“Here’s to the men and women around the world doing mighty, heroic, compassionate, sacrificial things that no one sees or knows.

“Spouses holding and calming disoriented husbands or wives who awake with panic because of Alzheimer’s or who wrestle with pain from chronic illnesses.

“Moms and dads praying late into the night over sleeping children, straying children, or sick children – battling for them on a celestial plane, bathed in the glow of night lights, listening to hospital monitors, or watching for headlights in the driveway.

“Caregivers and first responders in a myriad of circumstances . . .”

. . . and on it goes, line after line of beautifully poetic prose. I’m not much into all the red and green hoho of Christmas, but I have to admit, sometimes the season just brings out the best in us.

This post I found is certainly an example of that.

And always timely, no matter the season.

You have to go there and read the rest of this. You will not be sorry!

Thanks, Lori, for letting me showcase this beautiful post.

Posted in Blessings of Habit, Inspiring, Wisdom

I have been asleep…

Posted on by Katharine
Taking a nap or...
Taking a nap… (Photo credit: unertlkm)

. . . but I have not dreamed.

Dreaming, except for nightmares, can be great fun. I can get into some real fixes and then get out just by waking up! After that, I try to figure what I must have eaten before bed, to cause such craziness in the head.

Don’t you?

“House” dreams are supposed to be about ourselves. So when I dreamed about a huge house with a flooded basement, I’m not sure I had such a great supper that night.

I much prefer the one where the staircase leads upward, to hundreds of elegantly appointed bedrooms.

My favorite dreams, I believe, are when I dream about sleeping. Mmm . . .

I also have the other type of dreams, when wide-awake, planning wonderful projects I will do next year. These dreams are haunting and therefore remind me of nightmares.

I am supposed to act on them, to perfect everything I need before I can get started. Losing weight, writing a book, finishing the afghan, unpacking the last box from moving several years ago, all fit that category. I should be making these dreams come true, but something keeps waking me up from real life, and it is not clear WHAT.

Once upon a time, I had weeding and weighing in good shape. Same for ironing. Really.

Was I simply setting a good example so my children would grow up with good habits? That’s a good modus. However, now that no one is watching me . . .

Well, the Lord is watching, right?

Once I was motivated by love for others, my little others who surrounded my skirts with neediness. I now must find motivation only in doing what is right.

I have choices. I don’t like who I see living inside this rules-bound exterior.

The last child is gone. Can I afford to do my own thing? Am I really my own puppy? Do I need to rethink?

I have slept.

It’s time to wake up.

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Posted in Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

If Only They Were Perfect — If Only WE Were!

Posted on by Katharine

Toothbrush, photo taken in Sweden

If a child is non-compliant on purpose, he needs far more than another reminder.

This is the hardest part: Requiring.

Children do not automatically walk in goodness, contrary to popular opinion. Some want to stay in bed in the morning. Some want to skip brushing their teeth. Some want to play during chore time. Dogs eat a lot of homework.

We know it is better for them if they have good sleep, health, and work habits. Our good plans for them must cross their wills.

That is why God put them in homes with parents. Parents can place requirements on children for their own good. This is common knowledge in all cultures, except the current permissive. People who follow the original ways of requiring children to act sensibly, have produced sensible offspring.

Stating the obvious is necessary, these days.

I believe my children will always practice brushing their teeth daily, because they are accustomed to having white, clean-feeling teeth, so brown, fuzzy teeth bother them. The same is true for bathing, eating healthful foods, and Bible reading.

Oh, they may experiment with departure from the absolute best, but they also will sense a difference, a loss, and choose the right way. For instance, my daughter became a ramen junkie during college, but the other day she said, “You know, I am just starving for a good, crisp salad.”

Yes!

They were not born this way. We required it of them.

The child who habitually eats cake and cola will not sense the ill feeling from it in adulthood.

The child who habitually reads everything but the Word will not miss the Word as an adult.

The difference between those generalities is most usually the differing requirements they faced as children.

Who wants to raise a loud, interrupting, unhealthy, illiterate adult with crumbling teeth and no knowledge of the sacred?

Draw your lines.

Repeat.

Remind.

And require your children to heed.

Help them have the excellent gift of good habits.

_____________________

photo credit: wikipedia

Posted in Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Remind Me not to Lose My Mind

Posted on by Katharine

During the learning phase of acquiring new habits, reminding can be a good help for your children, or even yourself. Reminding goes beyond repetition. We reserve reminding for when we should already know a fact or skill.

Jesus did this from the cross when He called out the first line of Psalm 22, which minutely foretells the Crucifixion. Every Pharisee at the foot of the cross knew He was reminding them of the entire Psalm and its dire implications for them.

The child, who stops interrupting when Mom slightly raises her hand, is using a reminder. The stopped driver, who hears a slight horn tap and then proceeds at a green light, is using a reminder. The newcomer, who consults a photo-directory to recall a new acquaintance’s name, is using a reminder.

The word, itself, “remind,” means “pay attention, again.” We can cause our children to pay attention more often by the simple service of reminding them. Paying more attention can make the difference between knowing and doing.

During difficult memorized recitations, I have reminded my children with signed alphabet initials of tricky words or phrases. A childhood playmate received reminders from her mother in the form of having to return to the door, and open and shut it quietly, 20 times, to overcome door slamming. “Go back and walk,” is a common reminder at our house: Walk, the first time. Occasionally, even a policeman will give a warning instead of a ticket, if he judges that a reminder is enough.

Bible verses posted on the walls of our homes reminded our children of heart attitudes. Educational and health charts did the same for their earthly needs.

Reminders should be gentle because we realize anyone can forget something. Reminders can be exciting to our children, rather than dreaded, if we are willing to take the trouble to make them exciting. Our children are worth that trouble.

duck
Duck!

Silly faces on a small poster, can give as much reminder as a cross voice, but with more effect. A bright yellow sticky note hangs on a sharp corner of our cabinets with a drawing of an orange duck on it, to remind passers-by to “duck,” and not hit their heads on that corner. Computers remind us of our fallibility with the “Are you sure” page. The tiny poem, “Thank God for Dirty Dishes,” framed and visible near the kitchen sink, reminded a small, reluctant heart to take comfort at our house for many years.

And I must remind you to remind your children of your love for them with plenty of hugs, kisses, and favors.

More tomorrow.

Posted in Blessings of Habit, Health, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Huh? Oh. — Repeating as a Step in Learning New Habits

Posted on by Katharine

(302/365) Q W E R T YBe good.

Be quiet.

Be careful.

Behave.

Brush your teeth. Pick up your toys. Clean your plate. Wash your hands. Wear a hat. Feed the dog. Wipe your feet.

Haven’t we all said all those things, and many others, a hundred times, at least?

We should train our children in every habit of good, such as obedience, kindness, and cleanliness.

This produces good adults. We could use a few more good adults.

How do we instill habits into children? The three-stage process is not so hard and begins with repetition.

I can type, from memory, a list of all the countries in Southeast Asia:

Malaysia, Laos, Burma, Kampuchea, Brunei, Vietnam, Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand, Philippines.

I can type, from memory, a list of all the English auxiliary verbs:

Is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been, shall, will, should, would, may, might, must, can, could, do, does, did, have, has, had.

Formulas for geometry, rules of the road, conjugations of foreign verbs, Bible verses, State capitals, all still reside in my attic, ready for me to climb up there and retrieve them. I learned them through repeating. They may fade as I age, but that will not mean that the repetition I used to learn them was wasted.

Repetition has saved me trips to the reference section of the library. It saves me mistakes, it helps me be a better teacher and helpful person, and it is fun. It is especially fun if after 40 years, I hop on a bike or sit at a keyboard, and every skill is still in place. It makes me very glad for asdf jkl; asdf jkl; asdf jkl; .

Repetition is a great learning tool, one that we can teach our children to enjoy, if we do not mind making a little effort at helping with it — you know, songs, games, flashcards, etc. Our children’s future successes are worth more than a little effort, on our part, and on theirs.

Repeatedly asking the same question is one effort that works. Every time we went shopping, I would ask my children what was the rule. They knew. “If anyone but Mom touches merchandise, we all have to go back to the car.” I made it stick. They knew that, too. That repetition saved many a gift store. As they aged, the question changed: “Did you bring money? No? Then you are not shopping; you are just handling things that belong to the store manager, and not to you.” I thought they’d never learn, but they did.

This policy of repeating was a big part of our learning method throughout life. What is seven times eight? When do we feed the animals, and why? How do we know a tornado may be coming? What’s the first thing to remember in case of fire? What are friends for? Who loves you? Why do you exist? How do we spot a manipulator? What should you do if someone tells you not to tell your mom or dad? What does it actually mean to acknowledge Jesus Christ? What should you look for in a possible future spouse? What should you do if you’re in trouble? Your children can learn any important thing through repetition.

Then they won’t get burnt.

More tomorrow

_____________________

Photo credit: Sarah G…

Posted in Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

The OUCH Factor — Beginning a New Habit

Posted on by Katharine

Foto einer Glühbirne (an),

We do well compared to guppies.

The human brain thrives on habit, grows larger on a diet of routine. The memory inside a human brain is frighteningly complex and magnificently comforting, at the same time.

Our children can reap what God intended from good habits, if, by the time our babies are crawling, they’ve had the pleasure of our instilling good habits into them.

They test us all the time. Why?

TO BE SURE. To make positively sure this boundary will hold and self is safe.

For instance, we know that because of the inherent danger, we should keep them out of the cooking area, so we train them to stay out. Eventually they learn such comfort, but sometimes this is the first clash of wills between the darling babe and the soft mom. It can seem like war, if Mom doesn’t know how to make it happen:

  1. In the beginning, you must teach the child what “hot” means. Use a hot light bulb and tell him “NO—HOT!” Act like you’re preventing him, but let him touch it briefly. Ask if he wants to repeat. If you see unwillingness, it’s a sign the child knows what you mean. If he cries, keep telling him it’s hot.
  2. Anger and yelling do not help. They hinder. Anger has a place, but not in teaching. Yelling is for long distance, loud environments, or extreme emergencies.
  3. Consistent firmness is the key. If you do not have time to be consistent, use a playpen or highchair to confine the child, or enlist a helper. “No” must mean “no”. If you are too lazy to be consistent, think about burn scars on your baby. That should help.
  4. You must not cave in to crying. Crying sometimes is good, but crying to get one’s way is bad. Do not teach the child it is good by rewarding him with his own way.
  5. Draw the line where you want, and make it stick. In our kitchen, one cabinet was permissible, but the rest of the kitchen was off limits, during cooking. At crawling age, a child can grasp this.

We know we don’t want picky eaters and do want well-balanced diets for our children, so we train them to eat. This can be another war, a bigger one, again avoidable, if Mom knows what to do.

  1. Be sure you do not serve food your husband will not eat when he is present. Save it for when he is gone. Be sure he understands this is a time of training, both in obedience and in habit, and you need his backing.
  2. Make a new rule that every person will take at least a bite of every food on the table and eat it all gone, no exceptions.
  3. Anyone who complains about one bite, gets two bites.
  4. All food must be gone, not just pushed around, before getting any seconds or any dessert.

All their lives, my children will be careful around off-limit things and unafraid of green things on the plate. It will be good.

More tomorrow.

Posted in Blessings of Habit, Home School, Pre-schoolers

Do Your Kids Have Habitual Blessings?

Posted on by Katharine

“Hey! Turn that back on!”

I heard it bounding from the hallway one day. It had happened again.

We have taught our children, from the time they were young, to turn off lights as they leave a room. Someone had turned out the light while there was someone still in that room.

It was a clear case of what I lovingly call “good habit — bad timing”.

How amazing that the brain, once trained, knows what to do on its own! Eventually we no longer have to think about what to do and how to do it. How unaware we are of how many habits scoot us along our way, every moment!

Imagine if you had to reinvent tying your shoe, each time you did it.

We can turn off a light without thinking, even without looking at the switch. We can be thinking about the next task in the next room while we finish the task in the current one.

The mind is wonderful.

Stretching OutDuring a gym class, as a teen, I heard a phrase worth remembering: “That which is used, develops; that which is not used atrophies.” At that time, I did not know the meaning of the word “atrophy”, so I guessed it meant the opposite of “develop”. Since our family has a motto of knowing, instead of guessing, it bothered me I didn’t know for sure, so when I got home that evening, I looked it up.

Think of all the habits working in this experience:
1. That phrase, repeated in every gym class so I could never forget it, reminded me of the good of learning, repetition, and training.
2. Habitual use of English caused me to guess correctly at the meaning of a word in context.
3. The habit of exercise, itself, gave me a lifelong urge to keep moving, partly spurred on by dread of atrophy.
4. Our habit of accumulating new words and facts inspired me to bother with a dictionary.
5. A family habit of returning a thing to its place enabled me to find the dictionary.
6. A habit of working alphabetically caused me to turn immediately to the front of that huge book for the word “atrophy”.

How difficult it would have been for me to benefit from the experience had I not had all those habits! It takes 21 days for a disciplined person to form a good habit. I was not a self-disciplined person by nature. Nope.

Oh, the drill, supplied by faithful adults who insisted upon good habits in me!

The sad thing is that some children who lack faithful training might be learning to hate exercise instead of fearing atrophy. We have many such children living among us, these days, lacking drill in good habits, and this loss causes many problems. They never reap normal benefits from life’s normal experiences.

They become abnormal.

Our children do not have to be among them, though. The home is the perfect environment for instilling good habits. With 180 days in an average school year, the potential for 9 good habits per child per year presents itself.

Let’s go for it!

______________________

Photo credit: Tyne & Wear Archives & Museums