A friend wrote me recently, wanting help with a course she is taking. She asked me how I cope when I feel inadequate or when I lack confidence.
I had to think about that one! I decided I have several different methods of dealing with lack of confidence, depending on the occasion. I will list them each, with their own coping skill, okay?
- When I am forced to relate to someone I feel is wealthier, prettier, skinnier than I am. I realize that if we all feared this, then that person would have NO friends. And maybe truly has no friends. It makes me think of them as a normal person with feelings, instead of an extension of their wealth or appearance, and instead of accusing them of rejecting me before it even happens. I guess I think more about their feelings than mine.
- When I have to speak on an unfamiliar topic. I make outlines, and practice, practice, practice. Still I will be nervous, but this helps.
- When I think I may be lost, or I may become lost, because my navigation skills are so below par. I ask for directions a lot. I tell myself to calm down because anyone living in this, the wrong place, might have to go to the right place, where I meant to go, so there must be a concrete way to get there. I guess I just realize it is not a total disaster and it is fixable.
- When I have too much to do and yet, have to get it all done. I make prioritized lists and stick to them. Also, I delegate.
- When I am asked to do something I know I cannot do. I just say NO. I figure I would want anyone else to tell me truthfully if they cannot do something for me, so I just tell them. Truthfully.
- If I have to apply for a job. I make myself relax, do my best, and figure “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
- If I think I need to tell someone they are wrong. I weigh out the consequences for this person and if it is serious, I try hard to begin and end with something nice to say, but slip the bad news in the middle. If it is not serious, I try hard to get over it, to accept this person’s ability to make a mistake in his thinking.
- When I have to drive in the capital. I just grip the steering wheel until my knuckles pop, grit my teeth until I have a headache, and go. I will be SO stressed out afterwards, though!
There you have it. I could not think of any more for my friend, but probably will just before I fall asleep tonight! Ha. 🙂
What about you? Do you know any good coping tricks? Feel like sharing? We all could use ideas . . .
Home's Cool! 
Here are mine:
1. When I am overwhelmed with the multitude of things to be accomplished in a single evening, I just don’t do them and go to bed. The next day, when I am less tired, they don’t seem so many or so bad.
2. I allocate tasks to time-slots and stick to it.
3. If I haven’t got a time slot available, I do not take on any more stress. I say no.
4. I take the children out, far from the house- so they cannot mess it up and we do not argue.
5. Visiting people – then nothing is your responsibility on their turf, or little is.
I am sure there are more!
Oh, sanstorm, I do love being where someone else is in charge of everything as you say in #5. That is such a welcome rest. And, as you allude in #1, the new energy from a rest can make all the difference.
Where do you take the children? To a friend’s? To a park? I got curious about that one.
Thanks for you comments! I enjoyed a different perspective.
Ideally a park, or down to the coast to have a look at/paddle in the sea.
Always good to find a deserted playpark!
The weather here is often terrible, though!
This week we went to the windfarm near by, played with the free science exhibits and sat in the cafe and watched the turbines.
I am trying to develop strategies to get my children to play outside – which they hate (it being Scotland) – this has resulted in them playing with hula-hoops in the lounge!
Oh, wow, if I lived in Scotland I would be outdoors a lot! Why do they not prefer it?
Sounds about right to me! 🙂 For speaking in any context – from confronting a friend to public speaking – what gives me confidence is remembering this:
“When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.” Luke 12:11, 12
Even if it’s just a one-on-one situation, I usually feel as though I’m being put on trial, and this verse comforts me, and gives me confidence. BUT only if I have spent copious amounts of time in prayer ahead of time, and am fully surrendered to the Spirit’s leading.
Oh, yes! Who was it that said, “Have thy tools ready; God will find thee work”? Thanks for your faithful replies! We think alike!
i do the practice, practice too. i run through scenarios and role play. i try to prepare for various possibilities….
Thanks for this comment. I enjoy knowing others also have to practice. 🙂