Tag: relationships

Posted in Home School, Wisdom

How to Tell the In-Laws

Posted on by Katharine

If you are like most home educators, you and your spouse have in-laws and most of the time it is fun to be around them.

Because of their age, experience, and wisdom, they know you could still learn something from them, if necessary, but good in-laws bite their tongues a lot. Mine do, and so do my husband’s.

Why? They realize that too much good advice will ruin something more important: their relationship with you. They prefer to allow you to make your mistakes and learn on your own. They have decided long ago to remain silent about your decisions if it does not seem too important.

Usually.

When you decide to home school, you put your in-laws in a tough place. They can no longer hold their peace if they truly balk at what you are doing.

Many people lack the vision for home schooling. Your in-laws may be among those many. Sometimes they fear their grandchildren will lose something they fought hard to obtain for you: free formal education. They cannot grasp the high level of corruption and inefficiency that you can plainly see has crept into the worldly system, tying the hands of even the most dedicated teachers.

And some of them are public educators, themselves—yikes!

With a lack of understanding comes the tendency to relate according to feelings.

What do they feel?

First, your in-laws may feel hurt.

Everything they did, likely, was to create a perfect environment for you.

Some of them had parents or grandparents who spoke broken English because they came here from elsewhere, to have better things for you.

It has always been a matter of family pride. Just as you now are pouring everything into your children’s well-being, so they, once, poured everything into your well being. They worked hard “to put shoes on your feet” so that you could have an education.

Perhaps they both worked outside the home to give you opportunities that you would not have had. They do not realize that perhaps this physical absence in your life made you unable to share with them when hard things were happening to you “out there”.

Perhaps they remember only the fun experiences in the worldly schools of their day. Perhaps they even are worldly, themselves, and cannot see what is the matter. To them, it appears that you are throwing away all they did for you and, in effect, saying it was not good, or not good enough.

Your in-laws also may feel fear.

Not too long ago, anyone with a high school diploma was a real success. Back then, anyone who accomplished a college degree was almost venerated.

Teachers, extremely educated educators, could not possibly be wrong, right? They almost unanimously say that their ways are the right ways, right? How could anyone in his right mind just throw away all that expertise? How could anyone stand in the face of such authority?

If your in-laws have noticed the reports of high school, and even college graduates, who barely can read and cipher, they feel that those must be exceptions that happen in “some other state”.

If they have read your child’s copy work with glaring grammatical errors copied from the worldly school chalkboard, they fear the child must have miscopied it.

They fear that no one could do a good job without an entire school district backing him.

They fear it is dangerous to entrust the education of children to people who, themselves, do not have education degrees.

Your in-laws may also feel embarrassed.

To the courageous, it can seem like a shameful thing to quit.

They would not lightly lay down the fight for an education. Even children who have difficult handicaps go to school, right?

We all should fight to make our entire nation well-educated, right?

They wonder what’s wrong, that their grandchildren cannot “get along” at school.

They wonder if your children have “mental problems” that you are trying to hide.

They wonder if it is a cult. The whole thing just seems too “otherworldly” to them.

How dumb can it be to pay taxes for education and then buy all those books!

______________________________

Yes, dear home educator, if your in-laws are very slow to accept your decisions, you may have a tough convincing task to attempt. You can ruin a relationship with extremely important people if you ignore the feelings of family members.

Solutions tomorrow!

Posted in Good ol' days, Homemaking, Inspiring, Photos

Weekly Photo Challenge: Nostalgia

Posted on by Katharine

Nostalgia: homesickness, reminiscence, wistfulness, longing, melancholy…

I miss my grandmother. It’s easy to see it in my writings. I’ve always missed her. I copy her. I want to grow up to be like her.

That’s why I do what she did. In this modern world I do home canning.

home canning
pickles and figs

When I see these beauties, it satisfies my longing like few other things do. I may be crazy, but I’m happy.

Are you?

Posted in Health, Home School, Inspiring, Wisdom

Click “Undo” – 5

Posted on by Katharine

Hi! We’re discussing how to reclaim a nearly lost child, here. If you’d like easy access, Part 1 appears here.

Part 2 is here.

Part 3, here.

And Part 4.

And now, on to the finale:

Seventh, do not stop encouraging him. Of course, you must mark wrong answers, but you must also show him what is right about his work.

Is his handwriting improving? Tell him.

Is he missing fewer math problems? Tell him.

Is his work progressing faster since he found new resolve? Tell him.

He cannot measure himself by his classmates anymore (and that is a very good thing) so your recording of his successes, however small they may seem to you, will mean much to him.

Eighth, touch him. He may be a touch-me-not, but you can pull rank.

Tell him, “You may not like lots of cuddles, but you are my child and I’d like to know whom else I can hug!”

Scientists say that loving touch works like vitamins for children and that children who receive pats and hugs are measurably smarter and healthier, even grow taller, than those who do not. His teachers probably feared that it was illegal to supply this for him, but now is different.

The home-schooled student truly does have every advantage.

These advantages are the reason we do this. As we begin to point our child in the way he should go, we can know that we are giving him the advantage that lasts forever.

2008–09 Fenerbahçe S.K. season
Undo

Photo credit: (2008–09 Fenerbahçe S.K. season) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Posted in Home School, Inspiring, Wisdom

Click “Undo” – 4

Posted on by Katharine

If you are behind on reading this series on bringing home the rescued child, you may find Part 1 here.

Part 2 here.

Part 3 here.

Fifth, measure what he knows. Obtain a progress test or a placement test but do not administer it to him; go over it with him. (It does not have to relate to your curriculum, if you can transfer the results.) As you learn where he needs to begin studying, record what he knows. Then, as his knowledge increases, reward what he knows.

Measure, record, and reward—keep these three processes in mind a lot, in the beginning.

  • Learn how he best can learn. If experience has taught him to scorn reading, give him many oral and hands-on lessons. If he dislikes fiddling with props, hand him many glorious books.
  • Chart where he is and where he needs to be and graph his progress as it happens.
  • Break down any catch-up plans into a schedule with an estimated time of completion.

Then you can say things like, “By Thanksgiving, you will know the times tables!” or, “Doing an extra page weekly will finish this unit before our trip!” or, “When you are fifteen, you will be ready to begin chemistry!” Help him see that the little bites eventually whittle the entire project into an imaginable size.

Sixth, realize one thing you both have in common: You both know that home schooling is better, in spite of any fuss he may be projecting or any fears you may be hiding.

If he has been behind, your child may have tried to save face by pretending pleasure with a poor performance that he could not improve. To succeed in the real world may have seemed impossible to him. The child who has become proud of failure is trying to invent a new social structure in which he can seem “okay”.

If your child is in this sad state, you have two big jobs:

  1. To help him understand that home school is another reinvented social structure in which having failed is okay, but also in which failure will be replaced with success; and
  2. To guide him into learning, and showing that success. He knows you are right, but fears to believe it could be possible. Paralyzing fear will melt as soon as progress begins.

Alternately, if he has been stifled in a class that is behind him in achievement level, he may have to learn to overcome laziness with a new love for excellence. He will need your help, no matter where he was or where he needs to be. Yes, he needs you; that is why God made parents. You can inspire him with:

  1. The idea of beginning college early, or with
  2. Extracurricular activities for finishing early in the day.

Most importantly, in either case you must help your child see that excellence is its own reward.

Last in series tomorrow.

Posted in Home School, Inspiring, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Click “Undo” – 3

Posted on by Katharine

We continue our series on breaking in the new, unsure homeschooler.

If you’ve missed parts one and two of this series, you can read Part 1 here, and Part 2 here.

Fourth—deal with the feelings. Someone who is freshly released from a prison, or an unarmed police state, often will have difficulty handling absolute freedom.

Well, your child has been in an environment of rigid conformity that probably was much like a military base. Uniforms, bells, lines, roll-calls, schedules, harsh authorities, numbers, assemblies, lock-step, attention, fear-motivation, institutional colors, institutional food, lockers, compartments…how much does it take to dehumanize a person?

These tactics belong in the military, which needs to move like a machine.

Your newly rescued “cog” may balk at his new, normal life.

Imagine:

  • not feeling guilty about getting a full night’s sleep, while the bus rumbles by.
  • having time to chew and enjoy your breakfast.
  • being okay without shoes on.

Although it might seem incomprehensible, very much of this can make a newly freed person feel like the bottom has dropped out.

Of course, you have rules, but they may seem too lenient for this child, at first.

Alternately, he may have been starving for just this type of freedom, and decide to resist any type of boundary.

Either way, be prepared for testing, since you will find yourself a “new” authority in the eyes of your child. Rules, firmly but gently enforced, should help.

The gentle approach is very important.

One of the most comforting, uplifting, and rewarding things you can do for an unsure home school student is to point out all the objectionable activities, treatments, and attitudes, that he is missing. Smiling while saying things like, “Well, it’s time for math at the school,” will help him remember unpleasant occurrences that he was glad to leave. If you can manage to be working on a fun art project or baking bread when you drop such a reminder, he will feel doubly blessed by comparison.

Homeschooler challenging The Leaning Tower of ...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yes, “perks” are very important in a home school.

Actually, they are important to everyone, everywhere, but so few people work to provide the important things for children. This is one way that a home school can be better.

Although we do not want to give a child a demanding attitude, we can make him feel pampered or even slightly spoiled with something as simple as a small bouquet at breakfast or even just a cookie, judiciously applied.

Other perks might be:

  • schooling barefoot
  • owning a new pet
  • studying in a tree
  • skipping one afternoon per week
  • schooling with a new friend or at Grandmother’s once a week
  • having a source of income during the day
  • taking a week of vacation with Dad’s business trip
  • ice cream after every tennis lesson
  • expanding his personal hobby via his studies

Long recesses on a snowy day, followed by hot cocoa with a marshmallow could not fail to make the new homeschooler feel a little more human. He knows his old friends are sitting in a stale room, looking at the snow outside, and wishing.

Great field trips, even in the summer, can help him realize his importance in your eyes. He knows how tedious and seldom the field trips were, before, or he may even have failed to qualify for them.

More tomorrow.

Icon for 'undo', based partially on Image:Circ...
Undo

Icon for ‘undo’, based partially on Image:Circle-contradict.svg. Intended for general use (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Posted in Home School, Inspiring, Wisdom

Click “Undo” – 2

Posted on by Katharine

Yesterday we began a series about how to begin home educating a child who is acclimatized to the collective school situation and may be reluctant about this big change in his life. You may want to catch up, here.

The second step is somehow to teach your child also to care more.

Unless your child has begged for rescue from the collective system, he may not see what you see or care about what you care about (his welfare).

He may not be comfortable with the idea that his education or his life is worth caring about.

He may not realize that it is now safe for him to care about life.

Affirmations of thankfulness and celebration about his new presence in your daily affairs will help him see a glimpse of it. As your actions follow your words, he will begin to believe it, and to feel some of the same, himself.

School buses congestionThe third step is to help your child understand what is happening in his life.

Even if he begged to home school, he is accustomed to a regime of bells jangling and other buffeting noises, dependent upon someone else telling him every move to make, and missing his old friends.

Now someone (you) must deal with this regimented, buffeted, dependent, and friendless soul who is moping at your kitchen table.

How do you explain? You start with God. If you have not had much time to minister God to your child, take it easy—you do not want to overwhelm him and you cannot force him.

You will have a long time to get your whole school right, but you have only now to get now right. Proceed humbly. Pray without ceasing.

If he does understand the concept of knowing God’s will, you can tell him that you are obeying God, and that sometimes that means changes that do not feel comfortable. There always is some other way that seems right to us. (Proverbs ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­14:12, 16:25)

Confess that you could not or would not hear God, before, which is how you both got to where you are now. Yes, confess. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. You, dear parent, have wasted a portion of the life of this child, who was at your mercy, leading him to learn to enjoy the world’s ways; you have seen the coming consequences; and you have repented. Now you must woo a child of the world to see the light of God’s glorious way for His people. Your humble, repeated apology will help him see that the old way was wrong and that when he longs for it, he too is wrong. Do not expect him to see it at first, but do tell him, often, how sorry you are and do not merely tell him. Show him. Make amends, somehow. Often.

More tomorrow.