Those who are not in families might disagree, but the facts are, those without families are out of place and feel out of place, often, because of it. Young women who feel out of place in their own families often marry early in life, in an attempt to find the feeling of being in a family.
We get a family by being born into a family. Those who were not born to a family may not agree, but the facts are, those not born into a family often are also feeling out of place and have great difficulty, often, in making wise social decisions.
Family should be the foundation of every life, whether the sad facts of our existence allow that it actually is, or not. It should be.
The orphan, widow, or divorcee is never the goal. Parents and spouses make family. Good parents and good spouses make good family.
And family should be the foundation, and not just a very fine thread that barely holds its members together.
And the one thing that separates families probably as much as, or more than, any other one thing is: entrapment.
Entrapment? What?
Yeah.
You’re not entrapped?
Think again.
We are entrapped by the TV, by games, by workaholism, by imagined standards, by debt, by promises, and by many other controlling factors.
Some entrapments, we never meant to get into, but they slowly encircled us.
Others we judged necessary and entered cautiously.
Family watching television, c. 1958 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
And some, we flew into, headlong, with great delight. And if we notice the entrapment in them, and the way they divide our family, we scratch our heads or shrug, but make no effort to escape. Oh, we do many of them, each at the same time, so we call it family time . . .
Those last ones, the ones we love and shrug about, are the ones I want us to consider.
You see, the word entertain actually mean entrap. Yes, entertainment is entrapment.
Games, movies, music, fantasy, novels–they trap us like sticky traps and we wallow in them as if they were the most important things of life, until we are totally bound up and unable to escape.
If you cannot go 21 days without some entertainment, I’d say your are entrapped.
Old roses, pouring out a Springtime show, a last reaching for the sun, blooming, rich scented musk, and we inhale delight.
Tomorrow we will be satisfied with the damp, spent fragrance of fading roses, and gather spent and fallen petals to dry and save for dark places that welcome old scent.
Their baby cousins left outdoors will be dead, frozen, never to be seen in bloom.
We will remark how the last bouquet is always the rarest, while dark winds blow and traces of sleet fall.
We will inhale traces of delight from the remaining blooms, longing to imprint their gifts in our memories.
And failing.
And we will satisfy ourselves with the spices of oaken smoke and old recipes.
And dried, faded petals scattered in the dark places.
And we will put them away again when the first traces of warm earth rise up like ghosts of summers past, to take us back to the roses.
Once a month I take a trip to the big city to visit my eye doctor. He’s an expert at helping people keep their eyesight, and he knows one important factor in his job is to check my blood pressure.
After my visit, I make another visit, this time to my favorite eatery, Julie’s Deli.
Get the Julie’s Deli Habit!
And if my blood pressure tested really good, I reward myself there, with coffee and dessert.
Today, I had pecan pie.
Because the cheesecake was all gone.
For more reading about habits, check out some of these:
Shredded Money (Photo credit: Jim Larson)The Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia lobby featuring a 25-foot tower of shredded money. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)Fed Shreds at the Money Museum at the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago (Photo credit: Steve Rhodes)money pills 2 (Photo credit: klynslis)money to burn (Photo credit: klynslis)The money house (Photo credit: dougward) [insulated with shredded money…]
A sweet mom has asked how to know if she is doing well when her toddler acts up and is rowdy and loud in public, far worse than in the home. Should she even THINK of homeschooling if this is the best she can do?
Here is my answer. You can add to it in the comments, if you like. Two heads are better than one, right?
_________________
Wow. I love your honesty! You definitely will make it through this if you keep on being honest with yourself. Good job. And being quiet is SUCH a good goal for the child. It has saved many a family during Gestapo raids.
The answer is manifold. Let’s ask a few questions to narrow in down, okay?
First, is he a sick-o?
Be sure your two-year-old is physically able to do what you desire.
How?
Take care of his health, for one thing. If he is full of sugar and artificial ingredients, you are asking the impossible. If he is not getting enough sleep, who wouldn’t act up under his circumstances? Is he hungry? Is he teething? Does he have a cold?
Any time your physical well-being would normally tempt you to be grumpy and non-compliant, you can figure a “two” will give in to such temptation.
Think of baby Moses. Scripture tells us, “The babe wept.” What does it say about the unregenerate princess who fished him out? “She had compassion on him.” That’s what their little meltdowns are for–to cause us to take notice when they have a trouble they cannot communicate with words. (Read Exodus 2.)
It is only natural for an untrained child to act up. That’s why God gave them parents. And yes, it is your job, not that of the state. Of course, eventually you do not want him acting like a two-year-old. Eventually, say, when he is 10, you expect him to communicate his sore throat or headache or hunger pangs, but when they are two, their showing out can be life saving.
Second, have you taught him he should act wrong?
We have had a couple or little ones who were more fidgety. It really showed up in church. We always made our children stay with us during the sermon. It is a wonderful chance for the parents to teach the children to sit still and be quiet. We would let them draw or color, have a Cheerio or two now and then, fold up the bulletin, change laps from Mom to Dad occasionally, “read” the hymnal, play quietly with quiet toys, or sleep. Not much else.
If they balked or fussed, we took them out for a moment to adjust attitude, then brought them right back in and expected improvement.
People thought we were cruel, at first, keeping them out of the nursery and children’s church (although we KNOW that’s where all our colds come from) but later they saw the fruit and praised us. It was not cruelty, anyway, not with Cheerios, paper and pencil, toys, hugs, a lap to sleep on, etc. No, it was loving, caring teaching.
We don’t believe in children’s church, by the way, because it divides families during the most important time of the week.
Are you asking him to pass the test before he takes the course?
You can do most of the teaching at home. You can have a fun game called “practice being quiet”. Set it up however you think would work, and set a timer for a short, short time–like 15 seconds–then practice.
Make it fun. It can include rice “sand” play, coloring, play dough, or any other quiet activity.
Reward him with something you don’t mind him having, and that he likes a lot, such as apple chunks or pretzels or whatever suits your idea of acceptable dietary stuff. Also reward with praise and with telling him how proud Gramma or Daddy will be he is learning to sit quietly. Make it normal and fun, with toys, or whatever, but REQUIRE QUIET SITTING. If he fails, you can start the timer over a bit later, or just let him know you’re disappointed and try again later in the day. Do this daily or even twice daily. Gradually lengthen the time until you can tell him to sit quietly for a while with a timer going, like 30 minutes, with plenty of quiet things to do, and it works.
The reason public schooled children can sit and be quiet is the teachers practice “crowd control”, which is a wicked form of manipulation. No kidding, they learn how to make robots out of children in college, I guess. It is the NEA’s preparation for controlling them all their lives, for taking over the world and being the ones at the top, they think.
It will not work, actually demonstratively is not working, and has not worked in the past, but they think this time they will be different and actually succeed. That’s why they fight home schooling.
We train our children to be individuals–not robots–to respond to proper authority, which the P.S. is not. Peer pressure at that age is astounding, and it is not our goal, with our children.
Believe me. Those kids know they are being watched and assessed, they know their futures are already being formed, and they know if the government likes them, they’ll succeed, and if not, not. Mere kindergarteners have police records for smacking someone on the playground.
Not. Our. Goal.
Are we missing the whole picture?
A homeschooled child may be acting up, especially if Mom is there alongside, say, a museum curator, because he is confused about who is in authority at that time.
The public schooled kids, on the other hand, have no doubt–when it’s a decision between mom and teacher, the teacher definitely has all authority, hands down.
Don’t take your child there.
So, do you have the time? Will you give up the time?
It takes a lifetime.
You will never feel “done” perfecting this precious child for God, but eventually you will have to let go and let him stand on his own, like when he is in college, or sometime like that. So make the best of it, while you can.
There is no trick that will make a child suddenly be good forever. It is daily, hourly. It can be tiresome, discouraging, and intimidating.
I think of it as a taste of how our Heavenly Father must feel exasperated at me.
Welcome to motherhood!
Some days it can seem like the enemy is winning. Some of the worst days will be when he is getting sick, and will make you feel like a mean mom for correcting him when he had a fever, or something else you did not know about until later.
Some days, though, people will marvel at what he knows about God.
Take him there.
_______________________
So, what do y’all think? Any additions? Add them below, please!
Home's Cool! 