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Believe it or not!, Inspiring, Scripture, Wisdom, Womanhood

An Anatomy of Pain – The Real Enemy

Posted on December 23, 2010April 6, 2015 by Katharine

: Chess pawn 0985.jpg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Oh, if only forgiveness were the end of it!

But it’s just the beginning.

Suffering doesn’t stop just because we’ve been nice. Our real enemy (who is not a human enemy), knows how to move his pawns and which buttons to push. Sometimes forgiveness must become more like a motto than a choice. Once that choice is functioning, insight grows for us in amazing ways.

We notice patterns. Painful, uncanny coincidences just “pop up”. Ever wonder if it was just you, or if life actually takes a nosedive once a month? At the least timely time? Like clockwork? Mark your calendar; he’ll be back when you’re at your weakest. Why not? He’s the enemy!

For our family, he tries a trick or two every Thanksgiving. I think it’s because we actually celebrate the “thanks” part of it, unto the Lord. Our enemy hates that. So we’ve had four wrecks (none our fault), a baby dehydrating in a hospital, a surgically repaired broken arm, a best friend’s funeral, a small housefire, an emergency cleaning at our church’s parsonage, and a dead refrigerator on ten separate Thanksgivings. We know when to start praying.

But the thanksgiving part is the most essential. If we turn to God in our pain, weakness, and fear; if we cling to Him in trust; if we thank Him and praise Him in obedience to His Word; we come away from our temptations, trials, and tests on His side of the line between life and death. He waits to help and longs for us to choose life.

Oh, but there’s more. During times of great mental or emotional pain we still have our relationships. Precious ones still need us. Promises stand unfulfilled. We simply cannot cry all day because of a meeting tonight. We cannot go for a long drive because of the children. We cannot rent a cabin away from it all because Mom will need her cancer checkup. Or something.

Then there’s the Word. How impossible it is to pitch a good old-fashioned fit with the Word echoing in our brains! Blessed are ye . . .Who for the joy set before Him endured . . . ye have not yet endured to the shedding of your blood . . . Wives, also . . . We end at the ultimate word on suffering: My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me? And we realize: He has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one . . .

Could there possible be more? Yep. We always have helpers. People bring us food we aren’t supposed to eat. People comfort us with ungodly words. People say they love us and we know they lie. It is a call for the patience of the saints. Be a saint. After all, you do have needs. They mean no harm.

Eventually God takes you out, raises you above, gives you a plateau. The plateau has a name: Union with God. You realize it is not about you, was never about you. You realize your co-suffering with Jesus, your helping to fill what was lacking in His suffering, your place in the plan of salvation for someone else. It is heavenly. You see yourself through His eyes, as a warrior for Him, someone He trusts to do part of His work. It’s like a medals ceremony after a big battle.

Then you rest. Only then. Although He has held you tenderly by the hand through the whole nightmare, He now holds you IN His hand and you know you are, finally, safe.

Conclusion, tomorrow.

Believe it or not!, Home School, Homemaking, Husbands

I Haven’t Made My Bed, Yet…

Posted on December 17, 2010December 30, 2014 by Katharine

…No, my bed sits all a-jumble.

However, on a different topic, I found the most amazing thing while I was waiting for the bedding to make itself. 😉

I was just checking regular emails and discovered some news. In New York City, if you are very rich, you can get Special special education from the public schools. If you are poor, you cannot, no matter your need.

According to news writer Juan Gonzalez, if you can afford to sue the schools there, you can make them pay for the education your child really needs, as opposed to what the public schools there provide.

Just thought you’d like to know.

In the meantime, have you had snow yet?

If you are buried in snow, you might not be interested in this, but if you sit at the window longing for the first few flakes, take a look at this page, and watch it snowing all over the world, as they call it. Fun.

And remember: In Alaska, Home’s Cooler! 😉

Home School, Inspiring, Who's the mom here?, Womanhood

Attitude? Awareness? Vision? How Can a Tutor Know?

Posted on December 9, 2010May 20, 2016 by Katharine

I used to tutor.

Once, a young mother came to me for help with her first-grader daughter. The girl had been in a private school and was producing perfect work, daily, but on the following days, she seemingly knew nothing from the day before. Everyone was puzzled. The mom had heard about home schooling, found my phone number on a poster, and thought I’d know something the girl’s teachers did not.

Scary scenario!

However, I’d recently received a copy of a learning styles test a friend had written, and thought that with it, and with private tutoring, perhaps I could discover something an overworked teacher had missed.

The child was sweet, bright, and eager. This was going to be fun. I gave the mom a copy of the test to fill out at home, since she probably knew her daughter better than anyone else. I began carefully disguised check-ups of the girl’s reading and math skills.

She was a puzzling bundle. She could know something one moment, then know nothing the next. We read from an early reader, and she would do very well after I told her almost every word. I wondered—was she guessing? Memorizing?

The learning style test had come back showing her to be a visual learner. She ought to love reading.

I turned to the back of the reader, and showed her vocabulary lists placed there for the teacher. I pointed to a word from our day’s reading, and asked her what it was. That’s when everything became clear.

“Oh, Ms Kathy! I could never read that word; it’s too little for me to see it.”

Dear me. A visual learner who cannot see. Of course. She was, indeed bright enough to memorize each day’s lesson, but had inadvertently missed learning to read.

That day, she and I made huge yarn letters together, one per page of construction paper, and did copy work on the board with letters one foot tall. Immediately she knew what was going on and began making enormous progress.

When her mom came to pick her up that day, I asked her if either she or her husband had vision problems. She said they both had trouble seeing much of anything, that their vision was corrected with contacts of a strong prescription.

I told her, “I think your little girl cannot see. I think that is the basis of the problem, plus missing out on the foundations of reading readiness.”

We both had tears in our eyes that day, and eventually the girl received her first pair of glasses. I lost that tutoring job soon afterward, but the joy of helping such a needy one, so quickly, was compensation enough for me.

Blessings of Habit, Home School, Homemaking, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Scream Carrot Gardening and How to Stay Alive

Posted on December 8, 2010May 20, 2016 by Katharine

In the summer, we still teach our children. You know we teach them all the time, right?

Really fresh carrots

One summer, we were all out in the garden learning about how hard carrots can be to pull up. It was fun, though, a sort of tug-o-war between children and carrots, with Mom along to man the shovel if the tops broke off.

So many Bible lessons happen in the garden. We constantly show them how well the weeded plants grow, compared to the weedy ones. They know a beet seedling from a pigweed seedling, although they so resemble each other.

And the buckets of rocks!

They have learned to love harvesting their own snacks straight from the garden, like a small, perfectly sun-ripened tomato, rubbed until shiny and popped into the mouth to dribble everywhere while quenching thirst. They know a small packet of seeds can make all those jars of wonderful food in the basement.

The most important lessons the garden teaches, though, is that when Mom says you have to do something, whether you like it or not, you have to do it. This lesson, in a grown child and transferred to other authorities, can protect job security.

In a young child, it can save a life or limb.

Most dangers in life are unexpected. We can teach endlessly and still miss the lesson that will be needed tomorrow. This was the case, one day.

My son, another fearless one, about age twelve, had managed to extract one carrot that housed a curiously beautiful spider in its stems. He brought it to me to see its beauty and I’m sure my eyes widened.

“Drop it!” I ordered.

He looked at me, saw my face matched my tone, and obeyed. Today I still think about it. He was happy with his find, happy in his boldness, and probably happy in anticipation of sharing and of my praise. What a big deal to older brother, to turn loose of this happiness! But he did it.

And that day, the garden yielded up the lessons of the black widow spider. God’s protection, parents’ obligation to protect children, children’s obligation to obey, and the continuing obligation for all to “FEAR NOT!”—all those lessons and more came from our garden that day.

And I am not afraid, but I still shudder. His right hand was two inches from destruction.

But God can fit inside two inches.

Last story in this series here!

Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Sayings

How a Crazy Picnic Morphed into a Sweet Memory

Posted on December 4, 2010July 20, 2017 by Katharine

Long ago—oh, so long ago—we set out, trembling but sure, with little but our dear children and sheer determination, to home school.

Our children had endured unhappy experiences where they were, we had tired of the huge expense of a private education that produced unhappiness, and we imagined we could do at least as well as the teachers we had met.

Not much going for us? Well, we thought we had the world by the tail.

We did have it by the tail.

One of our first home-school acquisitions, a black Lab puppy, soon taught us some lessons about the joy of life. Before he grew out of the puppy stage, he had been, as the joke says, “like a Slinky—not really good for much, but it’s fun to watch him fall down.” As a Retriever, he totally loved retrieving, but never did really learn also to relinquish the retrieved thing. Still, if he brought the pop fly balls from wa-a-ay outfield, all slobbery, and we had to tussle them out of his mouth, it saved time and endless running for us and provided him no end of joy and exercise.

As our schedule solidified and we found more time for relaxation during schooling, we chose a particularly crisp, sunny day for a simple picnic. Just sandwiches, granola bars, and juice in sippy cups, each one making his own lunch, was all we wanted—that and a blanket outdoors. Because our year-old pup relished people food, we took along his dish, a bit of dog food, a dog biscuit, and some “fetch toys”. Loading all this into our wheelbarrow, we rolled out to the backside of our seven acres for a lazy hour of rejuvenation.

As we ate and tossed toys for our pup, we played silly games, joking and teasing a lot. Pup managed to steal half a sandwich from the youngest, which I replenished with half of mine. Oh, the laughter of that afternoon!

About a month later, we unearthed time for our second, ever, home-school picnic. Out came the same wheelbarrow, the same red blanket, the same toys, the same lunch bags….

Suddenly, from seemingly nowhere, our Lab appeared, running round and round the wheelbarrow, barking all the way. We laughed at him and his excitement. Could he be anticipating what our actions implied? Could he be excited about going on another picnic?

He scooped up his food dish in his teeth and ran a couple of circles around us, galloped off to the backside of the seven acres to deposit it, then rushed back barking all the way to hurry us along. That’s when we were certain of it: he actually remembered the fun of a month ago and seemingly could not wait for a replay.

Still laughing, more in wonder than amusement, we hurried as best we could while he continued barking.

What a marvel that a dog could understand family togetherness better than the world can!

The next hour filled with creating more happy memories.

But we guarded the sandwiches better.

Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Homeschooling the Four-year-old

Posted on November 23, 2010May 23, 2016 by Katharine

The Screeching Halt

four All the training, learning, sharing, exploring, and other amiable activities of life seem to come almost to a standstill for the “four”.

This poor child stops growing for a while, around this age, and hence, nearly stops eating. Many foods become distasteful to him and his health becomes fragile.

I think all children nearly stall out as they near the four-year gate and pass through it.

Oh, but Only on the Outside

Stalled out and fragile or not, he is still alive. From within his new inactivity shell, the “four” becomes more observant. He notices that all newly-won liberties come with new dangers, new pain. Unfamiliar and misunderstood surroundings again scare him. The “four” can suddenly and seemingly inexplicably fear nearly anything: the vacuum, the dog, the dark, the lightning, or the wading pool are typical candidates for his seeming irrationality.

The Ball Is in Mom’s Court

It is a call for patience.The child who has learned Bible verses fears speaking above a mumble. The child who loves to hear stories fears Sunday School. The child who once jumped into the playdate holds back. The child who used to sparkle has fizzled out.

What can Mother do? She can tenderly understand, gently guide, and cheerfully go with the child into any fearful situation.

Her reaction to everything is important. If she inadvertently jumps at the sound of unexpected thunder, she should laugh and exclaim how surprised she was and lead him out onto the porch with her, to watch the wind and clouds.

She should sit in the wading pool with the poor dear, helping him obtain some enjoyment, overcome some fears.

She should catch lightning bugs and hold them for her little “four” to see that not all bugs bite.

She should mercifully seek ways to pull him out of himself.

Ah, but…

Mom’s aim should be to teach “Fear not.” (Luke 2:10 KJV) In fact, she should gently and gradually disengage him from behind her skirt and make at least a show of fearlessness an unavoidable requirement.

How many of us could use this teaching about courage, if only we could return to our four-year-old selves! The child who learns to fear God instead of the things God has made will go farther, faster than others will. This function of obedience to God is a concept the “four” can understand by now.

In fact, this teaching, this requiring fearlessness, can quickly lead to real trust in God’s almighty hand. As the “four” learns to categorize his fears according to the Word of God, he sometimes can see he needs God’s ability enlivening his inability.

Those who have applied careful methods all along should watch for this window. If Mother knows the child and carefully watches, she can boost the faith of the four-year-old. Many Saints have first prayed on an altar improvised of Mother’s lap. The “four” so taught always understands, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” (Psalm 56:3 KJV)

What a glorious tradition!

The rest of us had to learn later. After walking in fear. After the Lord’s discipline regarding it.

Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Homeschooling the Three-year-old

Posted on November 22, 2010May 23, 2016 by Katharine

Beginning the Downhill. Yes.

three If we tame the “two”, we enjoy good harvest, for a while.

The well-taught “three” is the amiable toddler, the cherub of our dreams. Beginning to acquire so much, so fast, often the homeschooled “three” can learn to recite little poems, count to three, and build three-block towers.

Expanding Reach

He allows other adults in the circle of self. The “three” masters a few small, polite manners. He has learned to love doing good because Mother has been diligently rewarding good deeds. He likes other children who are his size, welcomes them in his world, and sharing becomes a new game.

Smiling

Although close watching and explicitly careful training continue paramount, the “three” at least does not cry for Mother if she steps out to sweep the front porch. The contentment, which can reign in this young life, is a beautiful reward for the previous months of faithfulness Mother invested.

Learning!

The learning needs of the “three” involve third elements. The two hands can now manage the addition of a simple tool, such as a large crayon, blunt scissors, or a glue stick. These two hands also can manage play clay, chalk, large-sized math manipulatives, and many other of the more simple learning tools such as an abacus.

Some “threes” are beginning to recognize and develop basic comprehension of letters and words. This child loves to watch you draw pictures, loves help with cutting and pasting a “beautiful picture for Daddy”, and loves word games with concepts such as opposites.

The “three” is continually branching out beyond the diaper, beyond the crib, beyond Mother’s arms, and beyond the single ambition of self-gratification. He no longer feels the need for all that sameness.

His small world fascinates him. He wants to learn to name colors and shapes, to build a letter “A” from cookie dough, and to progress beyond walking to running or jumping or tricycling. It is a good age to teach acceptance of all foods. It is a good age to teach simple jokes.

It is a good age. Everyone likes him and wants to tweak his curls, and for once, it is okay with him, too.

Caution

Because the “three” is sleeping less and likes his world more, a lot of noticing and imitating happens in this small life. Being careful what we do becomes very important. Some things we do, such as plugging in an electrical apparatus, are dangerous for a three-year-old to copy.

No matter how we watch, there may be disastrous outcomes from even the appropriate activities of this age. We want him eventually to learn to climb stairs, for instance, but we want him to learn caution, too, a delicate balance that can easily go awry. “Do-by-self” must learn to give way to help. Our constant supervision becomes, if possible, even more necessary. Once he learns to run, the front yard becomes a minefield…

Lessons

It is at this age Mother realizes the traditional temptation to smother and the need to let go a little. Mother must know the child, by now, and also know and heed the still, small voice of the Lord.

Also at this age the child learns to “love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:39 KJV) Practicing manners, moments with little friends, and sharing games are the methods that will teach this all important concept, if Mother only watches and is careful to impose them in a timely way.

How we wish more of the people around us had the advantage of a Mother’s tender and persistent homeschooling at this age!

More tomorrow.