Never.
Ever.
Say this where I can hear it.
Nor type it where I can read it.
Or you will be corrected.
By me.
All women work.
Do not chuckle condescendingly and say, “It’s just a way of speaking.”
Lying is a way of speaking, and we correct it.
It is a way of thinking. No, actually, it is a symptom of not thinking.
Or, may I stay at home and not work?
Heh heh, it’s just a way of speaking. Heh heh.
Oh. Have a little headache?
Between the eyes?
So sorry. In a way of speaking.
Heh heh.
I wonder how many have never done anything wrong.
How many could stand before God and say, “I have never made a mistake. I have never failed at anything.”?
The truth is that we’ve all made mistakes, experienced failure, sinned, falling short of God‘s plan, God’s intention for us.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
“Failure” is the one label we don’t want.
We fear failure.
If I fail what will happen to me?
What will other people think? Will I be rejected? Will anybody love me?
Will God send me to hell?
The fear of failure is universal, causing enormous amounts of stress.
Students fear failing a class.
Parents fear failing their children.
Others fear failing the Lord, failing in Christianity, failing to live sinless lives.
If these examples describe your feelings, I have good news for you: You are in good company.
Some of the Bible’s greatest men and women of faith were failures. If God had a dishonor roll, it would include MANY well-known Believers.
For instance, in the book of Genesis, Abraham, the man of faith, lied to government officials, two times, about his relationship with Sarah. Both times, he introduced her as his sister instead of his wife, because he was afraid that he would be killed because of being married to such a beautiful woman.
Consequently, poor Sarah was taken into a harem each time and each time, God had to rescue her from potential adultery.
After the second time, God could have said, “ABRAHAM, YOU ARE FIRED!
“You obviously don’t trust me to save you. You obviously feel that lying to people is necessary to save your own skin.
“I cannot work with you anymore.”
But God forgave Abraham both times. And the Lord went on to do amazing things in his life. Even though Abraham showed the fear of unbelief instead of faith on these occasions, God still made a covenant with Abraham, and Abraham learned to believe God. God accounted this faith as if Abraham were righteous.
And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. James 2:23
More tomorrow.
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It only takes a spark
To get a fire going
And soon all those around
Can warm up in its glowing
So goes a lovely old song from the 60’s, (called to our attention by Debby) when everyone thought of turning to Jesus Christ for help with the draft, drugs, disappointments, discouragement, disillusionment, and all other general “dissed” problems during the VietNam era.
A few were serious about the “Jesus Movement”. A few were appalled that so many who claimed Christ were not wearing shoes. Oh NO! How uncouth! Surely there is a place in the Bible that requires wearing shoes! Oh, you mean it speaks more of taking them off?! Oh NO!
Some were serious, though, seriously messed up, seriously failing, seriously in need of something beyond shoes, something beyond rules, something beyond platitudes, something beyond this life, something beyond their own understanding, something beyond their own strength or ability.
Not much has changed.
Many refuse to turn to Jesus Christ because they fear appearing weak.
They are weak. All people are weak.
But they want to be among those who project an image of strength, of not being needy. It’s a strained, do-by-self image that almost everyone can see through, but they keep it up for the few they’ve duped.
Although He is the most beautiful, priceless, glorious discovery anyone can discover, they refuse to lay self down, to lose face.
To their loss.
How ironic to fear loss and in the process to lose the most valuable thing, like a monkey with his hand in a monkey trap, unable to run from poachers because there is something that glitters in that empty coconut . . .
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Let me tell you about a one-spark fire. (And while we’re at it, you might like to read James 3:1-12)
My husband can build a one-spark fire. He’s an expert. He built one before we left for a four-day trip, so when we arrived back home, it took just one spark to get that fire going . . . and he hopes to build another tonight, and he probably will, to transfer our fire from the romantic fireplace to the more efficient stove.
This is how he does it:
This combo, done as only he truly can do it (I know the process, but he owns it) will ignite with only one match. Guaranteed.
Now, think of yourself.
You are supposed to be a one-spark set of fuel for the spark of the Holy Spirit to ignite you and cause you to shine and warm others for God. What is missing from your stack? Has your past stolen parts of you? I know how that can be.
BUT — All “Do-By-Self’ers” BEWARE! — Spontaneous Generation was disproven, centuries ago.
The illness my husband and I have shared has hit him much lighter than me. He is nearly well. I have coughed until it hurts my sides and I get a headache.
I guess it is just as well he is progressing so quickly, as he is making a trip to visit his dad today. He has wanted to do this for some time and has waited until just the right moment. The time is now. I will not be going along, due to the probability that I am still contagious. And still tired.
Although I managed to do laundry yesterday, I had to rest between each task. More strength does not always equal more energy. At least I’m not dizzy anymore. I am so glad of that!
I have thought lots about how I feel I’m under attack from the enemy and how my being sick just gives him such pleasure. I have wished for a miraculous healing. That would be just superb, in my opinion, to shake this disease in a moment. I would love that. But it’s not manifesting, here.
So all I know to do is be patient, let my body and the meds do their work. Then I think: The enemy also hates patience, so if I practice patience then I am defeating him, again. The body is miraculous in its ability to fight off disease, absolutely without parallel in this world of many wonders.
So I will keep plugging along, keep trying for patience, keep boosting my God-given immunities with antibiotics, antihistamines, and antitussives; hot teas and lemonades; cough drops and cough drops and cough drops. The day will come. It will.
Today is the second story, the one that makes yesterday’s post complete in expression of the beauty of blessings. If you didn’t read yesterday’s, you kind of have to read it now. Today’s won’t make as much sense without it.
Fast forward one year. It is Thanksgiving Day, again. We are planning the 500 mile trek home again. Our arm is better. We are playing more carefully, now. We are so totally ready, again.
But a lot has happened in another family we know. The family that opened its home to us last year, when we were sort of stranded, in a medical way of speaking, had lost its only source of income. The dad–we’ll call him Clarence–had been jobless for weeks, had found new employment several hours away and had moved his entire family there to be with him. Things were looking rather good for them and we rejoiced that after such a long trial, these kind people had found some relief from their troubles.
Clarence also had medical insurance at this new job and needed elective surgery. He chose the weekend of Thanksgiving for it because he had days off and so did his parents; they could all be together.
We visited with them over the phone a time or two before the surgery. He felt a bit uneasy, as anyone would before surgery, and Clarence and my husband were pretty good friends. Clarence would call my husband his best friend, but my husband is shy of being called by superlatives.
I think it was the Wednesday. You know–THE Wednesday before Thanksgiving. We were readying to go, I know that for sure. Then the call came. Clarence’s wife wanted prayer for his surgery. I told her of course we were praying. She said that no, she meant really, really pray, that something was not going right. She began to cry. I listened. My horror grew as I realized the medical terms she was quoting from the doctors were the warm-up words they use to prepare the family for death of the patient. I think she wanted me to help her accept this might be happening. I don’t remember what I said, but I did not want to commit myself to anything quotable until I had spoken with my husband.
I called my husband and told him what I thought. It did not register with him. He came home as early as he thought appropriate, and by then I had spoken several more times with Clarence’s wife and when my husband walked in the door I told him, “I think Clarence is dead.”
The grief that washed over him made me sorry I had to tell him.
He called the wife and spoke with her a bit. When he hung up, he said he was going immediately. He took our older son, Clarence’s older son’s best friend. The two of them stayed up all night waiting for the doctors to admit the truth: Clarence had suffered from a fatal reaction to the anesthesia. He had gone out of this life saying to his wife, “Something’s not right. Something’s not right. Tell them! Something’s not right.” She heard these, his last words, I am sure, forever, although that was maybe 12 or 15 years ago and she is happily remarried now.
But my husband and my son were there. They were able to help Clarence’s family assimilate the truth and deal with the aftermath. This kind family who had opened their home to us during the previous Thanksgiving, now missing one member, were the needy ones. And although our plans were again foiled by the events around us, by troubles and tragedies around us, there was the blessing: We could be there for them.
And we realized: That Thanksgiving Dinner we had shared the year before was the last event, ever, that we shared with him before he moved his family and then died. If we had not had reason to stay home, we so would have missed that one last dinner.
And that was the 8th blessing.
And we know that in all things, God works for good with those who love Him . . . Romans 8:28
The trying of your faith worketh patience. (James 1:3)
Could this be happening to you? To your husband? To your marriage?
Yes.
In fact, you hope this happens in your lives, because the Scripture also tells us, “Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” (Hebrews 12:6) The Lord’s favor, thus expressed, can come in almost any form. Everyone may not always react rightly.
Solution #7: Rejoice always, pray constantly, and give thanks in all circumstances. This is the will of the Lord in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) This is truth.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not believe God originally intended anything for His children except lots of pleasant fruit eating and gardening. Things changed, though. We do not live precisely where He originally intended, and the choice was ours. We get a foretaste of Heaven when we fellowship with the Lord, but everyone knows a foretaste is like a little kiss when compared to full knowledge. It is very good, but not all there is. This is where we are.
The facts are, tough stuff happens to everyone who is still on this earth. We find ourselves in the midst of people who react incorrectly.
This one forgets to love, that one has lost joy, another will not give you any peace. Perhaps you become impatient. Gentleness flies out the window. Someone has a wicked opinion, doubts, pride, or just decides to “let ‘er rip”. Any one of these acts could be your specialty. Any could be mine.
Any could be your husband’s.
So how could your husband’s poor record, if it is related to testing, be working for good? Is he learning about himself or about the Lord’s grace, however painfully? Are you learning new depths of patience? If you overreact, is he forgiving? Are you? Are your children learning about the mysterious union between Christ and the Church by watching the two of you wade through troubles?
Think about it: You trust God. You believe He loves you. You have committed your ways unto Him. How could this be anything except His will, His desire for you to learn, to grow, or to improve?
It is worth it. Knowing Jesus more fully is worth any price. Paul said he wanted to know Him and the fellowship of His suffering. (Philippians 3:10a) Do you? If you do, it will be all right with you if Jesus teaches you. Then, if you become like your Teacher, it is enough. (Matthew 10:24-25)
Sometimes, God wants to show you how His heart is breaking over sin. So He will show you sin. If you run away from a lesson and hole up at home, He will continue the lesson at home. Yes, you should be a home-keeper, but if forced, He can bring any lesson very close.
Sometimes God wants you to learn how to pray. Then you may need something to pray about, for none of us inherently desires to spend time at His feet. Some wives have to see generational sin before they will get busy. If you realize new layers of maturity you need, what is holding you back?
Sometimes the Lord wants to carry you in His arms like a little lamb. (Isaiah 40:11) If you are more like a big goat, you may need a short time of “weakening”. King David said before he was afflicted, he did not understand the goodness of the Lord. (Psalm 119: 67-75) Are you like him? Do you need trouble, now and then, to remember to drink of the sweet, clear water of salvation? We all need Jesus all the time, so a reminder, now and then, is good.
Is it dreary to think of it? Yes, Scripture says all discipline is unpleasant. (Hebrews 12:11) But later…oh, later! Who could pay you to give up the peaceful fruit of righteousness? What would be your price? If you could trade a life of ease for a righteous life, would you?
He will not let you.
The Potter is softening the clay. The Vine-Husbandman is pruning the fruitful vine. The Father is disciplining the precious child. You want to escape that?
No. You want to flow with the ride like a skillful horseman, leaning into the jumps in the race. If you fall off, you want to get back on. You are riding a Champion, Who will take you to the finish line. You will win. YOU WILL WIN!
Once there was a storm. Eleven people cowered in a boat, but one stepped out—into the arms of Jesus. (Matthew 14:29)
Be that one.
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The man living to please his wife is afraid. He won’t measure up. He’ll make a mistake. He’s sure of it.
How did he get this way? Probably, he suffered at the hands of his parents.
However, he gets no relief from kicking himself unless he knows you’re happy, and convincing him of your happiness can be hard. His service to you goes beyond Christian charity. Face it: You are an idol in his life. He’ll likely fail to do much for the Lord unless he takes his eyes off you, turns around, and looks to Jesus.
Solution #6: How do you dance with a man who won’t lead? How tempting simply to express your opinion, let him fulfill your will, and live it up!
Yes, it is.
Is that Godly?
No, it is not.
God wants you to be a helper, fit for him, but he is afraid. He fears losing you, failing you, displeasing you…he fears YOU!
The fear of man (or woman) is a snare. God wants him to stand, throw off this fear, know the voice of Jesus, and walk in the light.
The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.
It’s not your fault. Someone has done this to him, but you suffer, too. Someone has broken, squashed, or grated on your man, when he was a little boy. To him, anything would be worse than your displeasure. Somehow, someone has to undo this wrong.
The hard part is dying to yourself. If your husband had a physical handicap, you’d never think of tripping him when he walked. You’d gladly fetch his cane, rub liniment, or whatever, to help him heal.
Instead, his affliction is emotional. The things that trip him are the everyday nuances of personality that anyone else can bear. A pout, a sigh, or a frown make you appear to be unhappy. He is alarmed. He quizzes you. You resent it. He feels shut out. You feel helpless. It never ends.
You are in a powerful position, though, to minister healing in the name of Jesus.
You can convince him that it would please you most for him to ask God’s will instead of seeking yours. He will not be easy to convince.
You can encourage him to go ahead and risk making a mistake. He will despair over it, even in his sleep.
You can accept him, blunders, and all. He will be awaiting your rejection, instead.
He wants you to be his Light that shows him the way each day. God wants you to be the light in the window to draw him back home each night.
You can assure him that you will love him for a lifetime, no matter what. If it takes a lifetime, it truly does not matter. It is do-able. Minister acceptance to your husband and you will be an instrument in God’s hand to help him stand tall in the acceptance that is his in Jesus Christ. You will become the helper he needs, a helper that is fit for him, his helpmeet.
If he were a missionary, he would need a missionary helpmeet. If he were a lawyer, he would need a helpmeet who could maneuver in society. If he were poor, he would need a helpmeet who could follow a budget. If he were lame, he would need a helpmeet who could endure the smell of liniment.
Instead of these requirements, your husband needs mending. He needs time. He needs smiles. He needs space. Above all, he needs to know of your love on a daily, or even hourly basis. Tell him, show him, and prove to him, many times over, that you love him. Never think that now, finally, you have convinced him.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (Proverbs 31:11) So says Scripture of the good wife. It then lists the benefits the good wife provides for her husband so that he need not venture out for them. You can provide cheer, comfort, love, and acceptance for him. He need not look beyond your lovely face for hope. You can show him, even be for him the love of Jesus manifested into his life. You can help him see the hope that lies in Jesus.
Listen to this conversation between a married couple from Scripture: “We are doomed to die!” he said to his wife. “We have seen God!” But his wife answered, “If the LORD had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt offering and grain offering from our hands, nor shown us all these things or now told us this.” Can you see the way Samson’s mother tried to instill hope and joy into the heart of her husband, who was relating to good tidings from a basis of fear?
You can do the same. You can help your husband love God and look to Him for guidance. You can help him learn to trust in the love of God. You can help him relax in the presence of God. You can be good tidings, in his life. He will begin to trust you. He will join your children in rising up to call you blessed. He will begin to praise you. He will feel safe.
It will be the first time in his life.
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Image by Chris Campbell via Flickr
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