Katharine is a writer, speaker, women's counselor, and professional mom. Happily married over 50 years to the same gorgeous guy. She loves cooking amazing homegrown food, celebrating grandbabies, her golden-egg-laying hennies, and watching old movies with popcorn.
Her writing appears at Medium, Arkansas Women Bloggers, Contently, The Testimony Train, Taste Arkansas, Only in Arkansas, and in several professional magazines and one anthology.
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40 thoughts on “Will she be at home or does she work?”
Every woman works! Work at home is often harder than work outside the house. When will your career give you a hug, or say “I love you” and mean it! Your job outside the house can easily be replaced. At home, there is no replacement value.
Oh, and your career will “give you a hug or say ‘I love you'” when your career happens at home, when the home IS your career.
Usually.
Oh. Well, at least, quite often.
Dear Edith,
Thanks so much for this, your rapid response! I needed it.
Perhaps I was over-reacting to unkind (unthinking. refusing to think) remarks, lately.
But you surely made me feel better.
Sighs.
It is sad.
Even when they say they respect us, it is condescension.
And the gross-national-product or gross-national-output statistics folks never have the sense to count the woman who does not get paid for her work, as if she does not exist.
Or what she does has no value.
Or if she does not go on strike, she must be too stupid to count.
Or else she does not work.
back in the late 60s or early 70s a mom went on strike and marched outside her home with a picket sign for more than a couple of days. it made the news at the time. shortly thereafter when my brothers and i were being brats (who were certainly old enough to know better) my mom went on strike for a few days. she didn’t picket. she did her crossword puzzles and didn’t speak. You’d better believe we shaped up!!! What we do has value~and is stored up for us in heaven. Remember when you are discouraged: the world tends to only value what is temporal and unGodly…..
My kids always were supposed to clean up their breakfast mess. After several failures, one day I just did not make lunch. At about 1:30, when they asked me why there was no lunch forthcoming, I told them I couldn’t find the kitchen. Quite effective.
And yes, what we do has value.
And it is called work.
And it cannot be measured because WORK is measured in MANhours. 😉
Knowing how much this topic is misunderstood, purposely mis-characterised, falsely classified, and generally disdained–knowing how important it is and how much it means to you!–I can only grin, because I also know how much you’re NOT saying. 🙂
With the right amount of tongue-in-cheekiness, this could be a long, pointed, sardonic rant…and a much-needed one at that! Phrases like “working mom” are the worst…at best it is an ignorant redundancy, at worst a demeaning bit of condescension. But perhaps the most unnecessary question of all to ask a mother (i.e. not just any woman) is, “Do you work?” The better question would be “Do you work doubly?”
As for payment, well…perhaps there’s not a regular paycheck, such as the husband gets, but how many of those husbands obtain the following from THEIR employers: free room and board, hugs and kisses, flex-hours, at-will vacation, unlimited sick days, a company car, and a stack of blank checks? And did I mention hugs and kisses?
So, here’s to all the moms…especially mine: You are the greatest of all women! The whole world turns on your labors.
This is something I’ve struggled with as I prepare to graduate. I’ve tried to find a job, but Nate tells me not to worry, I can always tutor if nothing else. He knows that I would have plenty of work to do at home plus all of my hobbies. And as we wait for the Lord to show us plans for a family, I’m not in a hurry to find work outside the home.
But other people don’t understand. If I say I’m not in a hurry to find a job, they ask if I am pregnant. When I say “no”, they ask “Well, what will you do with yourself?” Hm, let me see. Dust, clean the floors, clean the bathroom, clean the kitchen, cook, bake, do laundry, go for a walk, knit, sew, crochet, embroider, read… hmmm, oh nothing to do!
I know that you work hard even though you may not go away from home to do it, and I know that many other women know it too!
Oh, Victoria, I know.
You are trying to find a “job” but you already have a JOB! Amazing what the culture has tried to do to us, and in most cases, has succeeded to do to us.
It is amazing how few men, even, like the idea of a woman who works at home. I truly know of none, living, but Thomas Jefferson SEEMED (I observe from only one comment attributed to him) to grasp it: “If I educate my sons, I provide for my sons. If I educate my daughters, I provide for my grandsons.”
And who of us women had good examples to copy from the last generation? How are we even to know what it looks like or feels like? Yet, here we are . . .
My dear wife has a degree in Elem. Educ., but we (not me) made a decision – based on both our upbringing – that she would be a homemaker and mom. That was a lot, since I ended up traveling much of my career, many times to remote locations for weeks at a time, with no communications. My two daughters know what their mom has done, now that they are grown.
In the professional world she could have made huge bucks with the skills and giftedness she has. But she is a committed homemaker (managing resources, cooking, cleaning, rearing the next generation) and never had any regrets. She also has poured herself into teaching and counseling many young women and has a unique (God given) way of putting women at ease while guiding them in Godly wisdom. She now leads women’s Bible studies 2-3 times a year.
Thanks so much for this amazing comment. I am sure I would love making acquaintance with your wife! Does she ever speak anywhere near Arkansas/Texas? Go to email if you desire.
Katharine, I had the privilege of choosing to be a stay-at-home mom for most of our children’s years they were home. Early on my Dr.’s office phrased it this way: “Do you work outside the home?” I like that. It showed a lot of respect to me. Of course it was an OB office and who should know better than those that the deliver the bundles of work 🙂
I’m glad you had most of their childhoods at home. That’s better than nothing and they certainly ARE part of the work! 😉 How wonderful that you now work alongside your husband in his mission! Women work.
I bristle, too, when I hear remarks like is she a stay at home Mom or does she work?
Your point is well made.
As an add on…
I know Moms that work in the home, and Moms that work an office… and sadly, Moms that are home, but don’t work, particularly at parenting and Moms in offices that don’t work at their job or at parenting.
Thanks, Debbie. Of course you are right. But only we working women who stay at home (including the moms) must face the fact that when someone says, “Do you work?” they want us to say, “No.”
Instead, I want to say, “Do I look like a lazy person?” 😉
http://birdmartin.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/adurna-blues-best-follower-award/
Katharine, I nominated you for an award..this time we are original recipients..Hope you love it as much as I do!! The greatest in God’s kingdom will be His servants down here, right? That is what I love about this little award. Adurna Blue set it up..Such a sweet little girl!!
Sincerely,
Bird
Wow, Bird!
This is an amazing honor, in my opinion. I love the rules you have made up, and I think I will add at least one. From my stats page I can determine who is my most frequent commenter, so will add that one. I try to serve. Hope I serve others and not SELF! 🙂 Thanks again!
I gave up my career to raise my son. No Regrets. AND…
My husband and I once spent a week detailing how much work we each did: he included only time at work Working and all the time at home helping. I kept track of all the time I worked at home. It was a real eye opener. I work from dawn till late into the night raising our son and keeping house. I create a nest for all of us.
“What do you do?” they ask at cocktail parties
” I raise our son. I work harder than I have ever worked before.”
In the spot on paperwork that asks: employer; I write GOD
Oh, thanks, so much, Jen! You made me chuckle to think of YOU riled! I’ll remember that a while.
But, you know, if a person (paid or not) takes on the task of keeping an entire building up to snuff, catering all meals whether for two or for six or twenty, laundering and pressing all clothing, tending all landscaping, all interior decorating, etc.– whether she has children or not — she works. I know you felt like you were giving up your career, but maybe you were really just finding it. You make such a convincing WOMAN. 😉
OH! And I LOVE your Employer! Really.
Hey, that’s what gives with my site stats! 😀
Actually, this is funny to me because I’m not even 1% Irish, and it gets my “Irish” up, too.
Or maybe it’s the Old Adam in me that rises up?
Couldn’t be Eve, right? SHE never did anything… 😉
Home's Cool! 
Every woman works! Work at home is often harder than work outside the house. When will your career give you a hug, or say “I love you” and mean it! Your job outside the house can easily be replaced. At home, there is no replacement value.
Oh, and your career will “give you a hug or say ‘I love you'” when your career happens at home, when the home IS your career.
Usually.
Oh. Well, at least, quite often.
Amen!
Dear Edith,
Thanks so much for this, your rapid response! I needed it.
Perhaps I was over-reacting to unkind (unthinking. refusing to think) remarks, lately.
But you surely made me feel better.
Sighs.
LOL! Headache between the eyes….yeah!!!! They have no idea what we do!!
It is sad.
Even when they say they respect us, it is condescension.
And the gross-national-product or gross-national-output statistics folks never have the sense to count the woman who does not get paid for her work, as if she does not exist.
Or what she does has no value.
Or if she does not go on strike, she must be too stupid to count.
Or else she does not work.
back in the late 60s or early 70s a mom went on strike and marched outside her home with a picket sign for more than a couple of days. it made the news at the time. shortly thereafter when my brothers and i were being brats (who were certainly old enough to know better) my mom went on strike for a few days. she didn’t picket. she did her crossword puzzles and didn’t speak. You’d better believe we shaped up!!! What we do has value~and is stored up for us in heaven. Remember when you are discouraged: the world tends to only value what is temporal and unGodly…..
I’ve done it. 😉
My kids always were supposed to clean up their breakfast mess. After several failures, one day I just did not make lunch. At about 1:30, when they asked me why there was no lunch forthcoming, I told them I couldn’t find the kitchen. Quite effective.
And yes, what we do has value.
And it is called work.
And it cannot be measured because WORK is measured in MANhours. 😉
🙂 love it
I go into my job because there is a set coffee break.
Not so on my days “off”.
🙂
You don’t get paid? Just a coffee break?
Wow.
Knowing how much this topic is misunderstood, purposely mis-characterised, falsely classified, and generally disdained–knowing how important it is and how much it means to you!–I can only grin, because I also know how much you’re NOT saying. 🙂
With the right amount of tongue-in-cheekiness, this could be a long, pointed, sardonic rant…and a much-needed one at that! Phrases like “working mom” are the worst…at best it is an ignorant redundancy, at worst a demeaning bit of condescension. But perhaps the most unnecessary question of all to ask a mother (i.e. not just any woman) is, “Do you work?” The better question would be “Do you work doubly?”
As for payment, well…perhaps there’s not a regular paycheck, such as the husband gets, but how many of those husbands obtain the following from THEIR employers: free room and board, hugs and kisses, flex-hours, at-will vacation, unlimited sick days, a company car, and a stack of blank checks? And did I mention hugs and kisses?
So, here’s to all the moms…especially mine: You are the greatest of all women! The whole world turns on your labors.
“Oh, yes, Sweet Darlin’, so glad you are a child of mine.”
But you invite correction.
Yes, women do work – even though what they do is often not paid for in currency.
Thanks, Colline!
So, do you work, or do you stay home? 😉
lol–but you repeat yourself my twin
Yep. And I wonder if any of us gets it. I even catch myself saying, “My pay is in the perks,” as if it is about the pay.
It is not whether we get pay.
We do not.
That’s okay. It’s what we signed up for and the perks truly can be great.
It is about whether or not we work.
We do.
This is something I’ve struggled with as I prepare to graduate. I’ve tried to find a job, but Nate tells me not to worry, I can always tutor if nothing else. He knows that I would have plenty of work to do at home plus all of my hobbies. And as we wait for the Lord to show us plans for a family, I’m not in a hurry to find work outside the home.
But other people don’t understand. If I say I’m not in a hurry to find a job, they ask if I am pregnant. When I say “no”, they ask “Well, what will you do with yourself?” Hm, let me see. Dust, clean the floors, clean the bathroom, clean the kitchen, cook, bake, do laundry, go for a walk, knit, sew, crochet, embroider, read… hmmm, oh nothing to do!
I know that you work hard even though you may not go away from home to do it, and I know that many other women know it too!
Oh, Victoria, I know.
You are trying to find a “job” but you already have a JOB! Amazing what the culture has tried to do to us, and in most cases, has succeeded to do to us.
It is amazing how few men, even, like the idea of a woman who works at home. I truly know of none, living, but Thomas Jefferson SEEMED (I observe from only one comment attributed to him) to grasp it: “If I educate my sons, I provide for my sons. If I educate my daughters, I provide for my grandsons.”
And who of us women had good examples to copy from the last generation? How are we even to know what it looks like or feels like? Yet, here we are . . .
My dear wife has a degree in Elem. Educ., but we (not me) made a decision – based on both our upbringing – that she would be a homemaker and mom. That was a lot, since I ended up traveling much of my career, many times to remote locations for weeks at a time, with no communications. My two daughters know what their mom has done, now that they are grown.
In the professional world she could have made huge bucks with the skills and giftedness she has. But she is a committed homemaker (managing resources, cooking, cleaning, rearing the next generation) and never had any regrets. She also has poured herself into teaching and counseling many young women and has a unique (God given) way of putting women at ease while guiding them in Godly wisdom. She now leads women’s Bible studies 2-3 times a year.
Did and does she work – you bet! Proverbs 31!!!
Thanks so much for this amazing comment. I am sure I would love making acquaintance with your wife! Does she ever speak anywhere near Arkansas/Texas? Go to email if you desire.
Katharine, I had the privilege of choosing to be a stay-at-home mom for most of our children’s years they were home. Early on my Dr.’s office phrased it this way: “Do you work outside the home?” I like that. It showed a lot of respect to me. Of course it was an OB office and who should know better than those that the deliver the bundles of work 🙂
I’m glad you had most of their childhoods at home. That’s better than nothing and they certainly ARE part of the work! 😉 How wonderful that you now work alongside your husband in his mission! Women work.
We have been and are greatly blessed.
Yes, and I am glad of it! ❤
I bristle, too, when I hear remarks like is she a stay at home Mom or does she work?
Your point is well made.
As an add on…
I know Moms that work in the home, and Moms that work an office… and sadly, Moms that are home, but don’t work, particularly at parenting and Moms in offices that don’t work at their job or at parenting.
Thanks, Debbie. Of course you are right. But only we working women who stay at home (including the moms) must face the fact that when someone says, “Do you work?” they want us to say, “No.”
Instead, I want to say, “Do I look like a lazy person?” 😉
How true, my friend.
http://birdmartin.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/adurna-blues-best-follower-award/
Katharine, I nominated you for an award..this time we are original recipients..Hope you love it as much as I do!! The greatest in God’s kingdom will be His servants down here, right? That is what I love about this little award. Adurna Blue set it up..Such a sweet little girl!!
Sincerely,
Bird
Wow, Bird!
This is an amazing honor, in my opinion. I love the rules you have made up, and I think I will add at least one. From my stats page I can determine who is my most frequent commenter, so will add that one. I try to serve. Hope I serve others and not SELF! 🙂 Thanks again!
Sing It Sister! Oh Mama! This gets me riled up…
I gave up my career to raise my son. No Regrets. AND…
My husband and I once spent a week detailing how much work we each did: he included only time at work Working and all the time at home helping. I kept track of all the time I worked at home. It was a real eye opener. I work from dawn till late into the night raising our son and keeping house. I create a nest for all of us.
“What do you do?” they ask at cocktail parties
” I raise our son. I work harder than I have ever worked before.”
In the spot on paperwork that asks: employer; I write GOD
I work for God. Period.
Thank you for this Kathy.
OH MAN!
Love to you, Jen
Oh, thanks, so much, Jen! You made me chuckle to think of YOU riled! I’ll remember that a while.
But, you know, if a person (paid or not) takes on the task of keeping an entire building up to snuff, catering all meals whether for two or for six or twenty, laundering and pressing all clothing, tending all landscaping, all interior decorating, etc.– whether she has children or not — she works. I know you felt like you were giving up your career, but maybe you were really just finding it. You make such a convincing WOMAN. 😉
OH! And I LOVE your Employer! Really.
Kathy,
OK YOU
THIS IS IT:
‘but maybe you were really just finding it. You make such a convincing WOMAN.’
Thank you a million times thank you….
The Denver Post did an article not long ago: to pay for all of my ‘services’ it would cost at least $146,000 in Denver. AT LEAST.
How do they price cooking, cleaning, living with LOVE? How do you suppose they added the LOVE component in this equation?
They did not. They can not.
thank you Kathy. Thank you SO much!
XO Jen
Kathy,
Hello YOU!
I nominate you for the HUG award! HUG!!!
see http://step-on-a-crack.com/2012/04/24/the-hug-award-thank-you-steph/
and
http://ahopefortoday.com/2012/01/14/hope-unites-globally-hug-award-guidelines/
for guidelines!
Peace to you my Friend!
Jen
ALWAYS can use another hug! Thanks, Jen! ❤
YOU deserve a Big HUG!
XO Jen
Okay, so how long does it take to get to CO from TX?! 🙂
Do you know that I specifically look at this post on purpose on some days, just to get my Irish up?!!!
Hey, that’s what gives with my site stats! 😀
Actually, this is funny to me because I’m not even 1% Irish, and it gets my “Irish” up, too.
Or maybe it’s the Old Adam in me that rises up?
Couldn’t be Eve, right? SHE never did anything… 😉