Posted in Inspiring, Wisdom, Womanhood

Come All the Way Home

Español: Regreso del hijo pródigo, Louvre
Regreso del hijo pródigo, Louvre (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Our gray cat, Earl Grey, has a big brother that is mostly black, and is the alpha-cat. We call him Black Jack.They are gorgeous, almost identical, except Earl is paler.

Jack has devoted himself to developing his dominance of our property during Earl’s recent trip abroad. With Earl’s return, Jack has sulked at our joyfully cuddling his little brother.

You know, the original Prodigal had an older brother. The older brother never strayed, never wavered in his loyalty to the family agenda.

He sulked, too.

It was just an agenda though, that held his loyalty. The family, itself, never entered his mind, we might think, from reading the Parable. He stayed home, labored diligently, amassed wealth, and never even asked for a small bit of food for a party with his friends.

We have to wonder why not.

Had he no time, at all, for people? Was the agenda so vitally important that he never enjoyed one perk, in all that time?

I imagine a stressed and angry man, telling himself that since Junior decided to bolt, all the work fell on him.

I imagine him using a self-imposed workload to excuse anger so abundant and so freely spent, that his few friends cared little for him.

I imagine he worked so hard, partly, because he would never have to share the results.

I imagine he gloried in all he was building for Dad—and that he would inherit.

He was weak.

In the midst of his wealth and strength, he flirted with self-pity, a serious weakness. Self-pity can cause you to forget the important things. It can cause you to forget to feel sad when your brother goes missing and to forget your dad’s sadness. It can cause you to think wealth is most important, to glory in wealth, to devote your life to self-wealth, self-pampering, and self-excusing.

It can cause you to be glad Junior is gone and to act messed up if he returns.

Both brothers suffered from the same problem: self. The younger spent everything on self-gratification. The older saved everything for self-gratification. Neither used wisdom, thought of Dad, nor were good sons.

The saddest thing is that only one repented.

The one who left had decided he would return as a servant, would devote the rest of his time to building Dad’s and Bubba’s wealth. Dad proved his righteous joy and reinstated Junior, but Junior would happily have gone without the robe, ring, and sandals.

He would have been satisfied to wash his brother’s feet, instead.

He would have been satisfied to work the rest of his life building up his brother’s “self”, instead of his own.

I can relate to Junior. Junior returned, physically and emotionally but we have no assurance that Bubba ever did return, emotionally. I’m guessing that from that time on, Junior was all the way home, and Dad knew it.

And Bubba had clean feet, but not much else.

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Posted in Believe it or not!, Inspiring, Scripture, Wisdom, Womanhood

An Anatomy of Pain – The Real Enemy

Chess pawn 0985.jpg
Chess pawn 0985.jpg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Oh, if only forgiveness were the end of it!

But it’s just the beginning.

Suffering doesn’t stop just because we’ve been nice. Our real enemy (who is not a human enemy), knows how to move his pawns and which buttons to push. Sometimes forgiveness must become more like a motto than a choice. Once that choice is functioning, insight grows for us in amazing ways.

We notice patterns. Painful, uncanny coincidences just “pop up”. Ever wonder if it was just you, or if life actually takes a nosedive once a month? At the least timely time? Like clockwork? Mark your calendar; he’ll be back when you’re at your weakest. Why not? He’s the enemy!

For our family, he tries a trick or two every Thanksgiving. I think it’s because we actually celebrate the “thanks” part of it, unto the Lord. Our enemy hates that. So we’ve had four wrecks (none our fault), a baby dehydrating in a hospital, a surgically repaired broken arm, a best friend’s funeral, a small housefire, an emergency cleaning at our church’s parsonage, and a dead refrigerator on ten separate Thanksgivings. We know when to start praying.

But the thanksgiving part is the most essential. If we turn to God in our pain, weakness, and fear; if we cling to Him in trust; if we thank Him and praise Him in obedience to His Word; we come away from our temptations, trials, and tests on His side of the line between life and death. He waits to help and longs for us to choose life.

Oh, but there’s more. During times of great mental or emotional pain we still have our relationships. Precious ones still need us. Promises stand unfulfilled.  We simply cannot cry all day because of a meeting tonight. We cannot go for a long drive because of the children. We cannot rent a cabin away from it all because Mom will need her cancer checkup. Or something.

Then there’s the Word. How impossible it is to pitch a good old-fashioned fit with the Word echoing in our brains! Blessed are ye . . .Who for the joy set before Him endured . . . ye have not yet endured to the shedding of your blood . . . Wives, also . . . We end at the ultimate word on suffering: My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me? And we realize: He has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one . . .

Could there possible be more? Yep. We always have helpers. People bring us food we aren’t supposed to eat. People comfort us with ungodly words. People say they love us and we know they lie. It is a call for the patience of the saints. Be a saint. After all, you do have needs. They mean no harm.

Eventually God takes you out, raises you above, gives you a plateau. The plateau has a name: Union with God. You realize it is not about you, was never about you. You realize your co-suffering with Jesus, your helping to fill what was lacking in His suffering, your place in the plan of salvation for someone else. It is heavenly. You see yourself through His eyes, as a warrior for Him, someone He trusts to do part of His work. It’s like a medals ceremony after a big battle.

Then you rest. Only then. Although He has held you tenderly by the hand through the whole nightmare, He now holds you IN His hand and you know you are, finally, safe.

Conclusion, tomorrow.

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Posted in Inspiring, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

An Anatomy of Pain

sad woman lying down

This is not about physical pain, although all women, and especially all wives, are great experts at physical pain. After having 6 children and around 2000 migraines, I certainly am.

But this is about the pain that attacks your soul, the confusion, indecision, and heartbreaks that can blindside us all.

Like when the doctor tells you morning sickness is all in your head.

Let’s just face it: The happenings in life are often unfair. We devote a third of our government to being sure life is fair, but unfairness still slips in, doesn’t it? A lot, right? It’s not enough that a child dies, but it sometimes must be that someone killed him. It’s not enough that a woman loses her husband, but sometimes it must be that some other woman stole him. It’s not enough that a house burns down, but sometimes it must be that an arsonist started a forest fire.

Isn’t that how it goes?

And it hurts most when friends and family are the perpetrators, doesn’t it? When your child is ungrateful, it hurts more. When your husband is lazy, it hurts more. When someone at church lies about you, it hurts more.  When your mother gets on your case, it hurts more.

Sometimes that’s just how it goes.

And sometimes, even that is not enough. Sometimes we also must go through these hurts alone. Having no defenders makes it tougher. Having no one to confide in intensifies it. Having no one just hurts. More.

Since I’ve been experiencing considerable pain, lately, I thought talking to you would help me keep my brain right-side up. Oh, I’ll share no real details, but generalities should be enough to help you help me help you. What about it?

Wouldn’t it be a good thing if we could turn our hurts into help for others?

I’m in. Let’s take a week to do an autopsy on mental and emotional pain. Let’s take every part out and learn what goes wrong and how to right it.

Maybe you know someone else you could share this with. Or send it to.

Maybe we all can feel better, think straighter, laugh more.

More tomorrow.

Posted in Home School, Inspiring, Who's the mom here?, Womanhood

Attitude? Awareness? Vision? How Can a Tutor Know?

Needing glassesI used to tutor.

Once, a young mother came to me for help with her first-grader daughter. The girl had been in a private school and was producing perfect work, daily, but on the following days, she seemingly knew nothing from the day before. Everyone was puzzled. The mom had heard about home schooling, found my phone number on a poster, and thought I’d know something the girl’s teachers did not.

Scary scenario!

However, I’d recently received a copy of a learning styles test a friend had written, and thought that with it, and with private tutoring, perhaps I could discover something an overworked teacher had missed.

The child was sweet, bright, and eager. This was going to be fun. I gave the mom a copy of the test to fill out at home, since she probably knew her daughter better than anyone else. I began carefully disguised check-ups of the girl’s reading and math skills.

She was a puzzling bundle. She could know something one moment, then know nothing the next. We read from an early reader, and she would do very well after I told her almost every word. I wondered—was she guessing? Memorizing?

The learning style test had come back showing her to be a visual learner. She ought to love reading.

I turned to the back of the reader, and showed her vocabulary lists placed there for the teacher. I pointed to a word from our day’s reading, and asked her what it was. That’s when everything became clear.

“Oh, Ms Kathy! I could never read that word; it’s too little for me to see it.”

Dear me. A visual learner who cannot see. Of course. She was, indeed bright enough to memorize each day’s lesson, but had inadvertently missed learning to read.

That day, she and I made huge yarn letters together, one per page of construction paper, and did copy work on the board with letters one foot tall. Immediately she knew what was going on and began making enormous progress.

When her mom came to pick her up that day, I asked her if either she or her husband had vision problems. She said they both had trouble seeing much of anything, that their vision was corrected with contacts of a strong prescription.

I told her, “I think your little girl cannot see. I think that is the basis of the problem, plus missing out on the foundations of reading readiness.”

We both had tears in our eyes that day, and eventually the girl received her first pair of glasses. I lost that tutoring job soon afterward, but the joy of helping such a needy one, so quickly, was compensation enough for me.

Posted in Husbands, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Scripture, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

Tire, Alone, Scared, and Misguided

Many a wife has thought as you do, that her husband has never been the spiritual leader in the home, but just for a moment, rethink.

Many a husband is a poor spiritual leader, but every husband is ordained by God to be the leader in matters of the Spirit. If he leads poorly, still he is the leader, by God’s decree. That is why God wants Christian women to be married to Christian men—so that the men can lead the women in the right direction. Perhaps, just now, you are barely seeing this truth. It is stunning in its ramifications, but it is truth: Every husband is the leader.

We have a little saying around here that goes like this, “If you are not submitting all the time, then you are not submitting at all. You are trying to lead and trying to disguise the fact.” The truth is that it is not possible for me, in your words, “to keep my place as wife” at any time if I do not keep it all the time. It’s like honesty: You’re either honest or you’re not honest. There is no such thing as “somewhat honest”.

The opposite of submission is rebellion. Every time I experiment with not submitting, I slide deeper into rebellion and it becomes easier not to submit the next time.

The only way out for me is to repent. It is the same for all people, no matter what the sin. Not submitting is sin. If the marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church, then the rebellious wife is a picture of the Church thumbing the nose at Jesus. That revolting picture wakes us up. The wife who takes off in some other direction than following her husband, is trying to be the leader, when God has already made the husband her leader. Of course, misery would come easily if there were two leaders in the house. Is that it?

The answer to your questions, though, is that it is better to keep the child with both parents at the same time, if it is at all possible. If the wife and the child are in no danger of permanent harm, arrest, etc., then this is the way to go.

Yes, the unsaved husband may make many, many wrong leadership decisions.

That is why it is so important that the mom not make wrong decisions, too.

Otherwise, while the dad might be setting an example of TV watching, the mom might be setting an example of rebellion.

Who can say which is worse? Which would be easier for the child to unlearn? Which displeases God more? Who dares say?

Posted in Husbands, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

Tired, Alone, and Scared Half to Death

I wish I could know if your questions were for “maybe someday” or if you are actually experiencing real danger. There is such a huge difference.

If you think your husband might soon kill you or your child, you must get yourselves out of danger and seek guidance from strong Christians in your area.

Let me explain. The reason you stay married to your husband is that you have promised, before God, that you would do so. It is a covenant between you, your husband, your neighbors, and God. You promise your husband, “I will always be here, except for death.” You promise your neighbors, “I accept oneness with this man, so no one else can have him, anymore.” You promise God, “I will be a picture of your Church and her relationship to Your Son.” We do not break such solemn promises.

God gives us another covenant responsibility, though, when He gives us a child. You and your husband both have a huge responsibility to make sure the life of your son is good for those around you. It is wrong to bring to birth and then fail to train a child to be an asset to his neighbors. First, though, you have a responsibility simply to make sure he lives.

If your husband is threatening or trying to kill either you or your child, he is trying to end one of these covenants that you must keep. Therefore, you must do whatever it takes to keep yourself and your child alive. Flee. Hide. Get help, even police help, if needed.

Escaping death does not mean escaping the marriage, though. Once you are certain you are safe, then you must return to your husband, in safety. If this means counseling for either of you, or arrest for your husband, so be it. If he is jailed, you must witness to him, etc., as a loving wife would. You are not divorcing, just trying to keep the marriage covenant, just trying to keep the covenant with your son, by trying to stay alive.

I wonder, though, if your questions are hypothetical, that is, if you were supposing and just wondering. How easy to imagine that “the worst” might come, just because some hard things have come! It is especially easy to imagine worst cases when we are very tired and run down. Is this it?

One day, when looking up Noah Webster’s definition of suffering, I discovered a treasured revelation: He says, “ . . . We suffer with anxiety. We suffer by evils past and by anticipating others to come . . . ” Anxiety, past evils, and anticipated evils are all suffering we take upon ourselves. This suffering does not befall us; we take it up. It is not happening now, we borrow it from another time zone. The human creature amazes me.

You have been through a lot to have this child, but so has your husband. Certainly, it has not been all roses for him to have his wife out of commission for a year and a new baby in the house, to boot. Maybe his irritation and frustration have escalated just when your patience and strength have taken a nosedive. Maybe his decisions are blurry, too. Maybe the best thing for now is to wait. Wait. Have courage and wait. Cheer up and wait.

Posted in Husbands, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

Tired and All, All Alone

How quickly solitude can flip, can convert to loneliness!

No one else you know has just delivered a baby, at your age, right? Where can you find support?

No one else you know lives with quite such a quarrelsome husband, right? To whom would you dare confess?

You are not all alone, though, if you have Jesus. This may sound trite, but really, the truth is timeless and we’ve run out of different ways to say it. He is always there for you. His care for you continues even when you are too tired to care for yourself. His love for you increases even when you’ve lost the strength to love.

Jesus knew sleep deprivation, too. He knows how you feel, even better than I do. He stayed up, sometimes all night, on several occasions. They used to call it keeping watch. He kept the night watches, praying all night, seeking and finding the will of His Father.

I sympathize with His sleeping during a storm on a small boat. We sleep when we can, those of us who have interrupted nights, don’t we?

Jesus also endured temptation to give up. Sometimes He voiced the temptations He faced. Once He even said, “Oh, how long shall I be with you?” How uncannily familiar that rings! Almost, you have proposed the same question: How long must I endure an obstinate partner? Is this really God’s will? How long is long enough or too long?

Yes, Jesus was tempted to give up. He knows the way out of all the temptations, too. In the words of a famous song, “You never gave up./You never gave in./You never said, ‘No, can’t take any more of this.’” That was Jesus.

Do not forget to turn to Him every day. You can ask Him for strength and He will give it to you. This is the truth. His strength is the only thing that can sustain us through a tough time. Eventually, after I recover from my attitude, those times become my favorites, because of the glory of observing His hand working in my life! It is so wonderful to be able actually to SEE Him at work, changing me to be the way I wish I were.

Jesus can make so much progress in my life, where I seem to improve so slowly, if any, on my own.

I pray for you, dear Sister, and possibly many of the readers do, too. By God’s grace, I will not let you down. Christian sisters are supposed to uphold each other. What a joyful gift from God! What a privilege to share your burden with you! Bask in His love. Lie back and rest in His care. Cast it all upon Him.