Posted in Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

The Two-Year-Old

Teaching to Master Self

TwoAfter nine to twelve months, the “one” begins to venture abroad, outside of himself.

He identifies the “Mother” part of self as a significant other.

Self’s hands and knees can accomplish almost as much as Mother’s legs, making her less necessary.

Self begins to make decisions, some met with the reproof of slight pain coming unmistakably from no less than Dear Mother.

Self’s toys,pushed off the high chair, stop mysteriously reappearing.

Having only one flavor of nourishment becomes passe.

Eventually, self turns two.

Can you believe I’m not rolling my eyeballs as I think about this age? Some call it the “Terrible Twos”. I have noticed these people, quite often, also complain about the “Terrible Threes” and the “Terrible Fours”.

I suspect the terrible part of it is that the parents have not been meeting needs and blame all on the poor babe. This is not the tradition we want to adopt.

What is going on in the mind of this child and what are we teaching him?

Personhood.

The “two” is simply perfecting self.

Hours of playing peek-a-boo have taught that Mother is someone else, but is always near.

Attendance at Mother’s outings takes him places he either likes or dislikes.

Little spanks teach that Mother can inflict some of the pains of life, but she also comforts even these.

Introduction of solid food reveals that Mother knows more about nourishment than she originally admitted.

Us Two and No More.

Mother’s job is now easier at night, but much more taxing in the day. The homeschooling tasks have changed from teaching the babe that life is good, to teaching the toddler to fit into this life. For a while, then, it is only “Me and Mother”. Daddy and all others are suddenly banished. For a short while.

Yes! Or, no!

The “two” develops preferences.

Knowing which noises are his own and how to project his voice in a way that causes effects, he branches out into speech.

Gaining mastery of his own legs, he walks wherever he pleases.

Discovering that many things have flavors besides milk, and finding his mouth, he puts almost everything there.

In essence, this “two” has finally found the real self and found that Mother is another one, that he and she are two.

Having learned he has two hands, the “two” wants two cookies and sometimes can count that far. The “two” can easily begin a second language. This child also discovers sometimes there are two choices and sometimes the choice is his. Newly recognizing there are two answers to many questions, for a while, the “two” is confused about the appropriateness of the word “no”.

The Taming of the Two

It is the grace of God that teaches us “denying ungodliness and worldly lusts…” (Titus 2:11-12 KJV), a most important lesson. Again, we see how delaying a basic homeschool lesson can produce disastrously harmful results to spirit, soul, and body, in the future.

We could say that after having found himself, the two now needs to learn in infinitesimal increments, to deny himself and submit to authority. I need not tell you what is missing in the lives of our ever-increasing population of adult two-year-olds, who seem to need to learn the proper times to “just say no”. Some never learn it until they get to prison. Some never learn it at all.

More tomorrow.

Posted in Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Homeschooling the Infant

Want to begin homeschooling your child at birth? Good for you!

Want to know how? Of course you do!

The newborn requires continual care to survive, and although each human is different, each newborn has a viewpoint that corresponds roughly to his age, which, for this article, is any age up to and around age one. If we teach to their needs and viewpoint, we CAN homeschool them.

They have so much to learn!

New babies do not even comprehend that Mother is someone else, but thinks of her as an extension of their environment. This outlook causes infants to trust completely in Mother’s presence. After all, for the first nine months, she never went anywhere, right?

Be there.

To capture this moment in a baby’s life, and make it teachable, Mother needs do only one thing, and it is to be constantly attentive to her baby.

This huge task needs little explanation. It is such a universal tradition, a photo of any mother tending her infant is understandable to any person, worldwide. Whether we call it a crèche, a nativity, or a manger scene, all those paintings of Mary and Jesus speak of the same tasks to all mothers and to all people. I know you know!

  • To the infant, all time is one, so during napping and feeding he finds a clock of little relevance.
  • To the infant, all nourishment is one, so in the sad instance of a mother’s death, goat or cow milk or formula, etc., can substitute as long as that one mouth receives that one drink to relieve that one tummy ache.
  • To the infant, all good sounds are one, so hummed lullabies suffice at first and any voice can soothe. All bad sounds, even the babe’s own cries, can distress, so sometimes he’s crying because he’s in a room where someone is crying; he doesn’t know that someone is himself.
  • To the infant, all pain, even self-inflicted, is indistinguishable, so he is unable to learn from experience, wanting to nurse even for teething, which makes gums feel worse.
  • To the infant, at first, all humans are one, so others can occasionally help with many of the care-taking chores without disturbing him too much.

Be constant.

Mother must not be gone for too long, though, because the infant is inputting at all times.

What does he pick up on his tiny radar screen? The infant, so frail, who can do little more than simply exist, must learn existence is a good thing, for he will be one with it as long as he lives. The infant must learn Mother is a good and dependable thing, since Mother, indiscernible from self, is everything there is.

Of course, sometimes guessing what he needs is impossible, but what he most needs is for Mother to be there. Guessing.

In this way he learns to turn to Mother in all distress, instantly hushing at even her smell or the sound of her bare footsteps on the carpet or a certain squeak in the floor. He learns trust and mercy. He learns the safety of motherly love and the cushion of family. He learns the peace that cohabitates with constancy.

Be good.

When we cause relationship and make it fun, we teach him: All is well.

This is his homeschool and we must make it good for him. How?

We can play simple, repeating games, the same way each time, such as pat-a-cake.

We can talk a lot, sing a lot, and laugh a lot.

We can gradually create schedules.

We can provide proper feeding, exercise, and fresh air.

These are the traditional lessons of infancy.

The reward?

Many elements of good character missing from our society today come from missing the infancy of a generation ago. Left in bed to cry all the time with no stimuli or else wagged to and fro, fed any “milk” at any temperature, plucked up during naps, deposited into noisy rooms and drugged to sleep, thrust into freezing or burning car seats, passed from person to person to person–they did not learn that all is well.

These infants hardly knew how to be “one”, how to have a self. Not knowing how to trust a Mother–or even which mother to trust–they grew up unable to understand this blessing: “But Jerusalem which is above is free, which is the mother of us all” (Galatians 4:26) They grew up not knowing the blessing from doing good, the peace of dependable habits, or the trust and respect owed to the family.

They comprehend neither how to turn to the Church when they are in need, nor how to participate in building a good Church, nor the simple importance of a good family.

The neglect of the infant’s basic, traditional, home-school needs is tantamount to neglecting not only the physical and emotional, but also the future spiritual safety and provision of this dear babe.

They learn to make their mark, though.

They turn two. Heh heh.

More tomorrow.

Posted in Home School, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Homeschool–The Original Tradition

One of my favorite defining statements about homeschooling is, “All children homeschool, all the time.” This has always been true, as I hope to show.

God gives children to His human creation in order to bless us, His Word says. He also blesses these children by giving them parents, because they could never survive without us. How unlike a newborn calf they are! No child can stand up and fetch his own nourishment a few moments after being born. No, we must carry them around, sometimes for more than a year, before they can walk like a newborn calf.

From the day our children are born, we begin preparing them to stand on their own, though. To quote one educator, Dr. D. R. Howard, “Education is preparation for life.” What our children learn from us largely determines what type of life they receive. We can train them to receive blessings or curses.

It may be confusing to think of the children who attend the world’s schools as “homeschoolers”, and by definition, they certainly are not that. Nevertheless, their parents are schooling them, training them, about life, preparing them for some sort of future, just by relegating their education to the world. Their very abdication of their God-given role of authority over their children teaches the children something about the importance of God, of family, and of children.

Of course, we need not think too much about that because our children are at home. Still, we should think about what we are teaching them. How do we parents homeschool all our children at all times? For the next few days, let’s consider their needs according to their ages and learn how capitalizing upon these needs gives rise to well-rounded adults and neglecting them leads to harm.

Although what will follow are generalities, regarding a child’s age, maybe it will help us think as they think, and show some mercy toward them.

Stick with us for the next few days for an overview of homeschooling the pre-schooler, from infancy, onward!

Posted in Believe it or not!, Husbands, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Scripture, Wisdom, Wives

Tired, Alone, Scared, Misguided, but Safe in the Everlasting Arms

Feeling the safety.Here is a horrifying truth: A great number of women are satisfied with having an ungodly husband until something causes them to start thinking about the results.

Having children causes us to think more carefully. We suddenly can see that marrying an unsaved man was a wrong decision. What we do not see is the reason it is wrong.

It is not wrong because a child might suffer.

It is wrong because God said not to do it.

Breaking the marriage vow also is wrong. Breaking the marriage vow also results in suffering that the wife cannot foresee. Breaking the marriage vow also is wrong only because God said not to do it.

The suffering COMES from being wrong; the suffering does not MAKE it wrong.

It is wrong only because it is wrong. Then immediately comes the suffering.

You can choose to suffer for doing wrong OR for doing right. There is glory, though, in suffering for the right. What good is it to suffer for doing wrong?

God has shown you what is good. What does He require of you? It is this:

  1. All of the things you do must be done justly and righteously. Ask God to help you do right in every little thing, like housework, eating habits, etc.
  2. All of your relationships must be based upon love and mercy. Ask God to help you to show loving mercy to every individual around you, including and especially your husband.
  3. Relate to God out of a core attitude of humility. All of everyone’s problems are at least partly the fault of self. Only God is good.

 

One more thing I need to mention is trust. Trust God, Dear Friend, not your husband. That is the way out of the misery. Is your God big enough to cause good things to happen in spite of a mere man? If not, then you need the Lord of Hosts, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the Father of Heavenly Lights. You can trust Him. He is big enough to cause good things to happen in any life.

Trust Him. Call upon His Name, the Name above all names, Jesus. Ask Him to give you the trust with which to trust Him, and He will do it. Please do not be one of those Christians who misses all the benefits, all the joy, all the peace. He longs to show Himself strong in your behalf. Trust Him. Be like Peter, who stepped out of his wobbly, sloshing boat and walked on the water, straight into the arms of Jesus.

You will not be sorry.

Posted in Husbands, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Scripture, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

Tire, Alone, Scared, and Misguided

Many a wife has thought as you do, that her husband has never been the spiritual leader in the home, but just for a moment, rethink.

Many a husband is a poor spiritual leader, but every husband is ordained by God to be the leader in matters of the Spirit. If he leads poorly, still he is the leader, by God’s decree. That is why God wants Christian women to be married to Christian men—so that the men can lead the women in the right direction. Perhaps, just now, you are barely seeing this truth. It is stunning in its ramifications, but it is truth: Every husband is the leader.

We have a little saying around here that goes like this, “If you are not submitting all the time, then you are not submitting at all. You are trying to lead and trying to disguise the fact.” The truth is that it is not possible for me, in your words, “to keep my place as wife” at any time if I do not keep it all the time. It’s like honesty: You’re either honest or you’re not honest. There is no such thing as “somewhat honest”.

The opposite of submission is rebellion. Every time I experiment with not submitting, I slide deeper into rebellion and it becomes easier not to submit the next time.

The only way out for me is to repent. It is the same for all people, no matter what the sin. Not submitting is sin. If the marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church, then the rebellious wife is a picture of the Church thumbing the nose at Jesus. That revolting picture wakes us up. The wife who takes off in some other direction than following her husband, is trying to be the leader, when God has already made the husband her leader. Of course, misery would come easily if there were two leaders in the house. Is that it?

The answer to your questions, though, is that it is better to keep the child with both parents at the same time, if it is at all possible. If the wife and the child are in no danger of permanent harm, arrest, etc., then this is the way to go.

Yes, the unsaved husband may make many, many wrong leadership decisions.

That is why it is so important that the mom not make wrong decisions, too.

Otherwise, while the dad might be setting an example of TV watching, the mom might be setting an example of rebellion.

Who can say which is worse? Which would be easier for the child to unlearn? Which displeases God more? Who dares say?

Posted in Husbands, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

Tired, Alone, and Scared Half to Death

I wish I could know if your questions were for “maybe someday” or if you are actually experiencing real danger. There is such a huge difference.

If you think your husband might soon kill you or your child, you must get yourselves out of danger and seek guidance from strong Christians in your area.

Let me explain. The reason you stay married to your husband is that you have promised, before God, that you would do so. It is a covenant between you, your husband, your neighbors, and God. You promise your husband, “I will always be here, except for death.” You promise your neighbors, “I accept oneness with this man, so no one else can have him, anymore.” You promise God, “I will be a picture of your Church and her relationship to Your Son.” We do not break such solemn promises.

God gives us another covenant responsibility, though, when He gives us a child. You and your husband both have a huge responsibility to make sure the life of your son is good for those around you. It is wrong to bring to birth and then fail to train a child to be an asset to his neighbors. First, though, you have a responsibility simply to make sure he lives.

If your husband is threatening or trying to kill either you or your child, he is trying to end one of these covenants that you must keep. Therefore, you must do whatever it takes to keep yourself and your child alive. Flee. Hide. Get help, even police help, if needed.

Escaping death does not mean escaping the marriage, though. Once you are certain you are safe, then you must return to your husband, in safety. If this means counseling for either of you, or arrest for your husband, so be it. If he is jailed, you must witness to him, etc., as a loving wife would. You are not divorcing, just trying to keep the marriage covenant, just trying to keep the covenant with your son, by trying to stay alive.

I wonder, though, if your questions are hypothetical, that is, if you were supposing and just wondering. How easy to imagine that “the worst” might come, just because some hard things have come! It is especially easy to imagine worst cases when we are very tired and run down. Is this it?

One day, when looking up Noah Webster’s definition of suffering, I discovered a treasured revelation: He says, “ . . . We suffer with anxiety. We suffer by evils past and by anticipating others to come . . . ” Anxiety, past evils, and anticipated evils are all suffering we take upon ourselves. This suffering does not befall us; we take it up. It is not happening now, we borrow it from another time zone. The human creature amazes me.

You have been through a lot to have this child, but so has your husband. Certainly, it has not been all roses for him to have his wife out of commission for a year and a new baby in the house, to boot. Maybe his irritation and frustration have escalated just when your patience and strength have taken a nosedive. Maybe his decisions are blurry, too. Maybe the best thing for now is to wait. Wait. Have courage and wait. Cheer up and wait.

Posted in Husbands, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

Tired and All, All Alone

How quickly solitude can flip, can convert to loneliness!

No one else you know has just delivered a baby, at your age, right? Where can you find support?

No one else you know lives with quite such a quarrelsome husband, right? To whom would you dare confess?

You are not all alone, though, if you have Jesus. This may sound trite, but really, the truth is timeless and we’ve run out of different ways to say it. He is always there for you. His care for you continues even when you are too tired to care for yourself. His love for you increases even when you’ve lost the strength to love.

Jesus knew sleep deprivation, too. He knows how you feel, even better than I do. He stayed up, sometimes all night, on several occasions. They used to call it keeping watch. He kept the night watches, praying all night, seeking and finding the will of His Father.

I sympathize with His sleeping during a storm on a small boat. We sleep when we can, those of us who have interrupted nights, don’t we?

Jesus also endured temptation to give up. Sometimes He voiced the temptations He faced. Once He even said, “Oh, how long shall I be with you?” How uncannily familiar that rings! Almost, you have proposed the same question: How long must I endure an obstinate partner? Is this really God’s will? How long is long enough or too long?

Yes, Jesus was tempted to give up. He knows the way out of all the temptations, too. In the words of a famous song, “You never gave up./You never gave in./You never said, ‘No, can’t take any more of this.’” That was Jesus.

Do not forget to turn to Him every day. You can ask Him for strength and He will give it to you. This is the truth. His strength is the only thing that can sustain us through a tough time. Eventually, after I recover from my attitude, those times become my favorites, because of the glory of observing His hand working in my life! It is so wonderful to be able actually to SEE Him at work, changing me to be the way I wish I were.

Jesus can make so much progress in my life, where I seem to improve so slowly, if any, on my own.

I pray for you, dear Sister, and possibly many of the readers do, too. By God’s grace, I will not let you down. Christian sisters are supposed to uphold each other. What a joyful gift from God! What a privilege to share your burden with you! Bask in His love. Lie back and rest in His care. Cast it all upon Him.