how-to – Page 12 – Home's Cool!

How to Tell the In-Laws, part 2

Posted on August 8, 2013December 19, 2015 by Katharine

Yes, dear home educator, if your in-laws are very slow to accept your decisions, you may have a tough convincing task to attempt. You can ruin a relationship with extremely important people if you ignore the feelings of family members.

Never forget this:

No matter how right you are, you are the ones who are changing.
If there is a problem within the relationship, you are the ones through whom the problem is coming.
No matter how bizarre or painful your in-laws reactions may seem to you, you have the burden of proof.

This does not mean that you are wrong, no! If God is showing you to home school, then your decision is good and right. You can see that.

Your in-laws cannot, and maybe never will, unless someone who cares about them can help them see. This is where you may come in. They are the ones who feel bad, not you. Your patience toward them will help determine how this all turns out.

Knowing where to start can seem impossible, can it not? The best place to start any endeavor is on your knees.

Pray that God would give you the right words, springing from a right heart.
Remind yourself of the dedication your parents showed in your upbringing.
Recall that God provided for you, then, through them.
Remember His command to honor your parents.
Think how you would feel in a similar circumstance. It is not enough, in God’s eyes, to be right—you also must have a right heart attitude. (I Corinthians 13)

You must deal very gently and humbly with your in-laws. The way to do this is to enter the whole situation with thankfulness for your in-laws’ reaction. Three glorious things are happening in your life:

Your in-laws care about you and your children.
Your in-laws relate to you.
You are home schooling.

Be thankful that they care, thankful that they still relate to you, and thankful that you home school. God can give you that thankful heart and the gentle humility.

Then, keep the reality of the problem in sight. The hurt, fear, and embarrassment are real to your in-laws, and will not go away for a long time. Only gentle, humble dealings will assuage their hearts. Maybe they do not really want to hear that their hurt is needless, their fears are groundless, or their embarrassment is baseless. While we can acknowledge that such a reaction may point to selfishness, pride, and lack of trust on their part, it does not change the fact that you, the messenger of such good/bad news, are finding it ill-received. It does not change God’s command to us to honor them. Part of honoring parents is to take their discomfort seriously.

The hurt is the hardest.

They truly did the best they could do (perhaps) for you, their child, and it truly is not good enough for your children. There is no getting around that.

Nevertheless, what your parents did—shifting their responsibility to educate you onto a worldly institution—was considered the best possible thing in their day. Now days it is not. Now days, experts cite home education as the best.

So in a way, you are doing exactly what your parents did: giving the best that you can.

In your parents’ days, homebound education was for children who had rheumatic fever or some other physical difficulty. In their parents’ days, though, the best often included instruction from someone who did not have a degree and many more received their education at home.

Perhaps you can make them see that what was “best” in Great-Great-Grandma’s days is now returning to vogue.

Perhaps you can make them see your home schooling as trying to keep up with current trends.

That is what they did. Thank them for caring and for their input. Let them know that you will need a lot of input. If possible, recruit their help from the start. If they can only provide a different type of flower for botany study or a different place to picnic, they can feel less left out and more as if “we help home school our grandchildren”. Help them see how much the worldly schools have deteriorated into something that is not the same as when you were little. Remind them that the Bible and good, common, Biblical sense no longer operate in the world’s schools, making them hostile places for children.

Their fears are not imagined, either.

How can your children get jobs or go to college without a high school diploma?

It was not so very long ago when you asked the same question yourself, was it? It is a legitimate question, along with many other questions that accompany the decision to home school.

Do not fault your parents or in-laws for asking the same questions you were asking just a year ago. They care, too. They may remember a few bad grades that you accumulated during your educational quest and may even feel that you do not know as much as you think you do.

Of course, almost anyone can teach most little ones the ABC’s, degree or not. What they really are asking about is high school math, is it not?

In most states, there is no test to prove “teacher proficiency” among home school moms, thank God! We are free to fail, if we want.

The simple answer is that we care about the children in our school, do not want to fail to meet their needs, and do not want them to fail. We will be diligent and we will constantly be checking our progress and theirs. Having a solid plan for checking their progress will help smooth the road for you with them.

Their embarrassment stems from what their friends will think.

These feelings can come from the idea of the dropout or the handicapped; ideas that, right or wrong, still carry a stigma for many people. Not too long ago, anyone who did not finish school was questionable.

Of course, we know that home educated graduates are more likely than others to find employment, in many cases, but our parents do not know this, sometimes (and neither do their chums.)

If you can find one of the lovely brochures that explain the preeminence of home schooling, it might help, especially if you present it quietly and gently.

If you know of other home educators who have had wonderful results (there are many) you might help the situation by pointing to their success.

One of the best arguments that I have found, one that even convinces me when I question myself, is the very long list of former home educated who became successful, even famous people. Many authors, scientists, and statesmen had the blessed start that can only happen on Mother’s lap. Many productive, moral members of our society have obtained their backbones from walking with Dad to town or to the barns and fields and watching him deal with the people he encountered. There is nothing like the way our country began, for generating good, solid life.

If you can make your family see that, they might catch your vision.

I can not promise that it will be easy. It has not been easy for us. Probably it will take a long time. Realize that you are asking them to trust you, regardless of their feelings, and . . .

. . . trust is something that a person must earn.

You cannot require or force it in any way; you must earn it. It is possible to earn trust, though, and some have done it. Until you see the beginnings of trust in your in-laws, at least you can base your words and actions upon humility and wisdom, and not leave your family with just reasons for their opposition.

Your calm, loving re-assurances can go a long way toward helping them have peace about your decisions.

It can help you have peace about it, too.

How to Tell the In-Laws (katharinetrauger.wordpress.com)

Home School, Wisdom

How to Tell the In-Laws

Posted on August 7, 2013December 6, 2014 by Katharine

If you are like most home educators, you and your spouse have in-laws and most of the time it is fun to be around them.

Because of their age, experience, and wisdom, they know you could still learn something from them, if necessary, but good in-laws bite their tongues a lot. Mine do, and so do my husband’s.

Why? They realize that too much good advice will ruin something more important: their relationship with you. They prefer to allow you to make your mistakes and learn on your own. They have decided long ago to remain silent about your decisions if it does not seem too important.

Usually.

When you decide to home school, you put your in-laws in a tough place. They can no longer hold their peace if they truly balk at what you are doing.

Many people lack the vision for home schooling. Your in-laws may be among those many. Sometimes they fear their grandchildren will lose something they fought hard to obtain for you: free formal education. They cannot grasp the high level of corruption and inefficiency that you can plainly see has crept into the worldly system, tying the hands of even the most dedicated teachers.

And some of them are public educators, themselves—yikes!

With a lack of understanding comes the tendency to relate according to feelings.

What do they feel?

First, your in-laws may feel hurt.

Everything they did, likely, was to create a perfect environment for you.

Some of them had parents or grandparents who spoke broken English because they came here from elsewhere, to have better things for you.

It has always been a matter of family pride. Just as you now are pouring everything into your children’s well-being, so they, once, poured everything into your well being. They worked hard “to put shoes on your feet” so that you could have an education.

Perhaps they both worked outside the home to give you opportunities that you would not have had. They do not realize that perhaps this physical absence in your life made you unable to share with them when hard things were happening to you “out there”.

Perhaps they remember only the fun experiences in the worldly schools of their day. Perhaps they even are worldly, themselves, and cannot see what is the matter. To them, it appears that you are throwing away all they did for you and, in effect, saying it was not good, or not good enough.

Your in-laws also may feel fear.

Not too long ago, anyone with a high school diploma was a real success. Back then, anyone who accomplished a college degree was almost venerated.

Teachers, extremely educated educators, could not possibly be wrong, right? They almost unanimously say that their ways are the right ways, right? How could anyone in his right mind just throw away all that expertise? How could anyone stand in the face of such authority?

If your in-laws have noticed the reports of high school, and even college graduates, who barely can read and cipher, they feel that those must be exceptions that happen in “some other state”.

If they have read your child’s copy work with glaring grammatical errors copied from the worldly school chalkboard, they fear the child must have miscopied it.

They fear that no one could do a good job without an entire school district backing him.

They fear it is dangerous to entrust the education of children to people who, themselves, do not have education degrees.

Your in-laws may also feel embarrassed.

To the courageous, it can seem like a shameful thing to quit.

They would not lightly lay down the fight for an education. Even children who have difficult handicaps go to school, right?

We all should fight to make our entire nation well-educated, right?

They wonder what’s wrong, that their grandchildren cannot “get along” at school.

They wonder if your children have “mental problems” that you are trying to hide.

They wonder if it is a cult. The whole thing just seems too “otherworldly” to them.

How dumb can it be to pay taxes for education and then buy all those books!

______________________________

Solutions tomorrow!

Blessings of Habit, Homemaking, Photos, Wives

Super Smart How-To…

Posted on July 25, 2013July 26, 2013 by Katharine

…IN ONE TRICK:

Break free from slavery to the exact moment the dryer stops…
Make clothing last longer, and stay cleaner longer, and be easier to clean next time…
Save money and the environment…
Keep your husband looking super all day long…
Keep your wall from disintegrating due to spray starch overspray…

It’s just not so difficult. REALLY. You CAN do this!

First: Place clean clothing to be starched in washing machine and fill half full with warm water. This can be more clothing than you would normally add to a half load of wash, because we will not be trying to get clean, and concentrated is good. You may have to use the wash cycle to achieve warm water, but do so only until it sloshes, then shut it off until you finish the remaining steps.

Prepare starch water by bringing it to a boil.

Second: Bring a couple of quarts of water to a full boil.

Add one half-cup of starch to two cups of water and stir. — Add one half-cup of cornstarch to two cups of water and stir.

Third: Add one half-cup of cornstarch to two cups of water and stir until well-mixed and lump-free. “Lump Free” is important. Turn off heat under boiling water and slowly add starch mixture to boiled water, while stirring a lot. Keep stirring until it turns from white to a “cloudy-clear” color.

Fourth: Pour contents of the pan onto the surface of the wash water and set for the last rinse cycle of the “gentle spin” choice. By using the last rinse cycle, you can close the lid and walk away from it, knowing it will not automatically do anything more to this load. By choosing “gentle spin” you keep more starch inside the clothing and not going down the drain.

Fifth: Hang clothing to dry. Once dry, dampen slightly and iron. Don’t worry; at first the clothing will be stiff as a board, but as you iron, it will soften to just exactly perfect. You will SO love this!

Blessings of Habit, Homemaking, Inspiring, Sayings

Four Fun Steps to Catch Up on Your Ironing

Posted on July 9, 2013May 21, 2015 by Katharine

It takes guts to admit it: I’m behind on my ironing.

I’ve posted about this 4-step process before and now, need to read it again, to help myself remember how easily we can catch up. So here goes!

4 How-To’s

Hurry. That makes it go much faster. Time yourself and see how long it takes to iron one shirt or one pair of pants. Then see if you can cut the time down each time you repeat that performance. Play peppy music to help you stay quick.
Set aside time to fire up your iron every day. If you have a designated spot for the ironing board, where you can leave it set up all the time, or if you have a board that is easily stored, such as in the wall or on a door, all the better.
Iron twice what your family would wear, every day. This can only lead to success. They wear five pieces daily? You iron ten. Simple math leads to simple solutions.
Continue until caught up. The finish line may seem elusive, but truthfully, it’s that other word just above–“CONTINUE”–that is a lost or hiding concept for us, especially when it comes to ironing. We feel foolish? We feel tired? We feel uninspired? We should consider how good it feels to have it all done for a change. Yes.

Now, with the goal of continuing, of not quitting, of actually being caught up instead of planning to catch up someday, here are some motivators I use, to keep me reaching for that last piece in the bottom of the basket:

4 Motivators

The peppy music. Already mentioned, yes, this trick not only helps me move faster, it also keeps me cheery. Sometimes I even sing along, and it helps, like a daily, longed-for music session. Trust me.
Multi-tasking. Need to make a phone call?–Turn down the music and turn on the speaker phone. Need to exercise?–Leg lifts, walking in place, or knee bends all work while ironing, and can be done in time to the music. Need to watch a pressure canner?–Iron in the kitchen. Need to study the next lesson in your online course?–Turn off the music and listen to the lecture.
Get it?
Rewards. Nothing like that last ice-cream bar in the freezer to make you get the job done. You cannot multi-task with ice-cream bars. You have to get ‘er done, then hit the ice! Another reward, for me, is seeing my hubs looking as sharp as can be when he leaves the house. Has to be good for his soul, too, I think. And sometimes I reward myself with a promise to spend time with my feet up, visiting with you, my readers. And then there is the newly-won space on the laundry room floor . . .
Finally, being able to get dressed without first ironing, is a huge motivator. It is such a luxury, to me, who grew up ironing every morning and being late to catch the bus. Whew. So glad those days are over.

That’s it—so easy. For me, since only my husband wears much ironed clothes, if I iron two shirts and a pair of pants for him each day, soon all is done. Now and then I insert something for someone else, but really, most of us wear no-iron clothing like t-shirts, sweats, and the softer denims. It may take a week or two, but it does work.

Now, guess what I’m about to do!

Oh, and always remember: A job well-done need never be done again.

Right? That is right, isn’t it?

_____________

Photo credit: Wikipedia

Health, Home School, Inspiring, Wisdom

Click “Undo” – 5

Posted on June 28, 2013June 28, 2013 by Katharine

Hi! We’re discussing how to reclaim a nearly lost child, here. If you’d like easy access, Part 1 appears here.

Part 2 is here.

Part 3, here.

And Part 4.

And now, on to the finale:

Seventh, do not stop encouraging him. Of course, you must mark wrong answers, but you must also show him what is right about his work.

Is his handwriting improving? Tell him.

Is he missing fewer math problems? Tell him.

Is his work progressing faster since he found new resolve? Tell him.

He cannot measure himself by his classmates anymore (and that is a very good thing) so your recording of his successes, however small they may seem to you, will mean much to him.

Eighth, touch him. He may be a touch-me-not, but you can pull rank.

Tell him, “You may not like lots of cuddles, but you are my child and I’d like to know whom else I can hug!”

Scientists say that loving touch works like vitamins for children and that children who receive pats and hugs are measurably smarter and healthier, even grow taller, than those who do not. His teachers probably feared that it was illegal to supply this for him, but now is different.

The home-schooled student truly does have every advantage.

These advantages are the reason we do this. As we begin to point our child in the way he should go, we can know that we are giving him the advantage that lasts forever.

Photo credit: (2008–09 Fenerbahçe S.K. season) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Home School, Inspiring, Wisdom

Click “Undo” – 4

Posted on June 27, 2013January 16, 2015 by Katharine

If you are behind on reading this series on bringing home the rescued child, you may find Part 1 here.

Part 2 here.

Part 3 here.

Fifth, measure what he knows. Obtain a progress test or a placement test but do not administer it to him; go over it with him. (It does not have to relate to your curriculum, if you can transfer the results.) As you learn where he needs to begin studying, record what he knows. Then, as his knowledge increases, reward what he knows.

Measure, record, and reward—keep these three processes in mind a lot, in the beginning.

Learn how he best can learn. If experience has taught him to scorn reading, give him many oral and hands-on lessons. If he dislikes fiddling with props, hand him many glorious books.
Chart where he is and where he needs to be and graph his progress as it happens.
Break down any catch-up plans into a schedule with an estimated time of completion.

Then you can say things like, “By Thanksgiving, you will know the times tables!” or, “Doing an extra page weekly will finish this unit before our trip!” or, “When you are fifteen, you will be ready to begin chemistry!” Help him see that the little bites eventually whittle the entire project into an imaginable size.

Sixth, realize one thing you both have in common: You both know that home schooling is better, in spite of any fuss he may be projecting or any fears you may be hiding.

If he has been behind, your child may have tried to save face by pretending pleasure with a poor performance that he could not improve. To succeed in the real world may have seemed impossible to him. The child who has become proud of failure is trying to invent a new social structure in which he can seem “okay”.

If your child is in this sad state, you have two big jobs:

To help him understand that home school is another reinvented social structure in which having failed is okay, but also in which failure will be replaced with success; and
To guide him into learning, and showing that success. He knows you are right, but fears to believe it could be possible. Paralyzing fear will melt as soon as progress begins.

Alternately, if he has been stifled in a class that is behind him in achievement level, he may have to learn to overcome laziness with a new love for excellence. He will need your help, no matter where he was or where he needs to be. Yes, he needs you; that is why God made parents. You can inspire him with:

The idea of beginning college early, or with
Extracurricular activities for finishing early in the day.

Most importantly, in either case you must help your child see that excellence is its own reward.

Last in series tomorrow.

Home School, Inspiring, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Click “Undo” – 3

Posted on June 26, 2013December 27, 2014 by Katharine

We continue our series on breaking in the new, unsure homeschooler.

If you’ve missed parts one and two of this series, you can read Part 1 here, and Part 2 here.

Fourth—deal with the feelings. Someone who is freshly released from a prison, or an unarmed police state, often will have difficulty handling absolute freedom.

Well, your child has been in an environment of rigid conformity that probably was much like a military base. Uniforms, bells, lines, roll-calls, schedules, harsh authorities, numbers, assemblies, lock-step, attention, fear-motivation, institutional colors, institutional food, lockers, compartments…how much does it take to dehumanize a person?

These tactics belong in the military, which needs to move like a machine.

Your newly rescued “cog” may balk at his new, normal life.

Imagine:

not feeling guilty about getting a full night’s sleep, while the bus rumbles by.
having time to chew and enjoy your breakfast.
being okay without shoes on.

Although it might seem incomprehensible, very much of this can make a newly freed person feel like the bottom has dropped out.

Of course, you have rules, but they may seem too lenient for this child, at first.

Alternately, he may have been starving for just this type of freedom, and decide to resist any type of boundary.

Either way, be prepared for testing, since you will find yourself a “new” authority in the eyes of your child. Rules, firmly but gently enforced, should help.

The gentle approach is very important.

One of the most comforting, uplifting, and rewarding things you can do for an unsure home school student is to point out all the objectionable activities, treatments, and attitudes, that he is missing. Smiling while saying things like, “Well, it’s time for math at the school,” will help him remember unpleasant occurrences that he was glad to leave. If you can manage to be working on a fun art project or baking bread when you drop such a reminder, he will feel doubly blessed by comparison.

Yes, “perks” are very important in a home school.

Actually, they are important to everyone, everywhere, but so few people work to provide the important things for children. This is one way that a home school can be better.

Although we do not want to give a child a demanding attitude, we can make him feel pampered or even slightly spoiled with something as simple as a small bouquet at breakfast or even just a cookie, judiciously applied.

Other perks might be:

schooling barefoot
owning a new pet
studying in a tree
skipping one afternoon per week
schooling with a new friend or at Grandmother’s once a week
having a source of income during the day
taking a week of vacation with Dad’s business trip
ice cream after every tennis lesson
expanding his personal hobby via his studies

Long recesses on a snowy day, followed by hot cocoa with a marshmallow could not fail to make the new homeschooler feel a little more human. He knows his old friends are sitting in a stale room, looking at the snow outside, and wishing.

Great field trips, even in the summer, can help him realize his importance in your eyes. He knows how tedious and seldom the field trips were, before, or he may even have failed to qualify for them.

More tomorrow.