The Screeching Halt

All the training, learning, sharing, exploring, and other amiable activities of life seem to come almost to a standstill for the “four”.

This poor child stops growing for a while, around this age, and hence, nearly stops eating. Many foods become distasteful to him and his health becomes fragile.

I think all children nearly stall out as they near the four-year gate and pass through it.

Oh, but Only on the Outside

Stalled out and fragile or not, he is still alive. From within his new inactivity shell, the “four” becomes more observant. He notices that all newly-won liberties come with new dangers, new pain. Unfamiliar and misunderstood surroundings again scare him. The “four” can suddenly and seemingly inexplicably fear nearly anything: the vacuum, the dog, the dark, the lightning, or the wading pool are typical candidates for his seeming irrationality.

The Ball Is in Mom’s Court

It is a call for patience.The child who has learned Bible verses fears speaking above a mumble. The child who loves to hear stories fears Sunday School. The child who once jumped into the playdate holds back. The child who used to sparkle has fizzled out.

What can Mother do? She can tenderly understand, gently guide, and cheerfully go with the child into any fearful situation.

Her reaction to everything is important. If she inadvertently jumps at the sound of unexpected thunder, she should laugh and exclaim how surprised she was and lead him out onto the porch with her, to watch the wind and clouds.

She should sit in the wading pool with the poor dear, helping him obtain some enjoyment, overcome some fears.

She should catch lightning bugs and hold them for her little “four” to see that not all bugs bite.

She should mercifully seek ways to pull him out of himself.

Ah, but…

Mom’s aim should be to teach “Fear not.” (Luke 2:10 KJV) In fact, she should gently and gradually disengage him from behind her skirt and make at least a show of fearlessness an unavoidable requirement.

How many of us could use this teaching about courage, if only we could return to our four-year-old selves! The child who learns to fear God instead of the things God has made will go farther, faster than others will. This function of obedience to God is a concept the “four” can understand by now.

In fact, this teaching, this requiring fearlessness, can quickly lead to real trust in God’s almighty hand. As the “four” learns to categorize his fears according to the Word of God, he sometimes can see he needs God’s ability enlivening his inability.

Those who have applied careful methods all along should watch for this window. If Mother knows the child and carefully watches, she can boost the faith of the four-year-old. Many Saints have first prayed on an altar improvised of Mother’s lap. The “four” so taught always understands, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” (Psalm 56:3 KJV)

What a glorious tradition!

The rest of us had to learn later. After walking in fear. After the Lord’s discipline regarding it.

Beginning the Downhill. Yes.

If we tame the “two”, we enjoy good harvest, for a while.

The well-taught “three” is the amiable toddler, the cherub of our dreams. Beginning to acquire so much, so fast, often the homeschooled “three” can learn to recite little poems, count to three, and build three-block towers.

Expanding Reach

He allows other adults in the circle of self. The “three” masters a few small, polite manners. He has learned to love doing good because Mother has been diligently rewarding good deeds. He likes other children who are his size, welcomes them in his world, and sharing becomes a new game.

Smiling

Although close watching and explicitly careful training continue paramount, the “three” at least does not cry for Mother if she steps out to sweep the front porch. The contentment, which can reign in this young life, is a beautiful reward for the previous months of faithfulness Mother invested.

Learning!

The learning needs of the “three” involve third elements. The two hands can now manage the addition of a simple tool, such as a large crayon, blunt scissors, or a glue stick. These two hands also can manage play clay, chalk, large-sized math manipulatives, and many other of the more simple learning tools such as an abacus.

Some “threes” are beginning to recognize and develop basic comprehension of letters and words. This child loves to watch you draw pictures, loves help with cutting and pasting a “beautiful picture for Daddy”, and loves word games with concepts such as opposites.

The “three” is continually branching out beyond the diaper, beyond the crib, beyond Mother’s arms, and beyond the single ambition of self-gratification. He no longer feels the need for all that sameness.

His small world fascinates him. He wants to learn to name colors and shapes, to build a letter “A” from cookie dough, and to progress beyond walking to running or jumping or tricycling. It is a good age to teach acceptance of all foods. It is a good age to teach simple jokes.

It is a good age. Everyone likes him and wants to tweak his curls, and for once, it is okay with him, too.

Caution

Because the “three” is sleeping less and likes his world more, a lot of noticing and imitating happens in this small life. Being careful what we do becomes very important. Some things we do, such as plugging in an electrical apparatus, are dangerous for a three-year-old to copy.

No matter how we watch, there may be disastrous outcomes from even the appropriate activities of this age. We want him eventually to learn to climb stairs, for instance, but we want him to learn caution, too, a delicate balance that can easily go awry. “Do-by-self” must learn to give way to help. Our constant supervision becomes, if possible, even more necessary. Once he learns to run, the front yard becomes a minefield…

Lessons

It is at this age Mother realizes the traditional temptation to smother and the need to let go a little. Mother must know the child, by now, and also know and heed the still, small voice of the Lord.

Also at this age the child learns to “love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:39 KJV) Practicing manners, moments with little friends, and sharing games are the methods that will teach this all important concept, if Mother only watches and is careful to impose them in a timely way.

How we wish more of the people around us had the advantage of a Mother’s tender and persistent homeschooling at this age!

More tomorrow.

 

Teaching to Master Self

After nine to twelve months, the “one” begins to venture abroad, outside of himself.

He identifies the “Mother” part of self as a significant other.

Self’s hands and knees can accomplish almost as much as Mother’s legs, making her less necessary.

Self begins to make decisions, some met with the reproof of slight pain coming unmistakably from no less than Dear Mother.

Self’s toys,pushed off the high chair, stop mysteriously reappearing.

Having only one flavor of nourishment becomes passe.

Eventually, self turns two.

Can you believe I’m not rolling my eyeballs as I think about this age? Some call it the “Terrible Twos”. I have noticed these people, quite often, also complain about the “Terrible Threes” and the “Terrible Fours”.

I suspect the terrible part of it is that the parents have not been meeting needs and blame all on the poor babe. This is not the tradition we want to adopt.

What is going on in the mind of this child and what are we teaching him?

Personhood.

The “two” is simply perfecting self.

Hours of playing peek-a-boo have taught that Mother is someone else, but is always near.

Attendance at Mother’s outings takes him places he either likes or dislikes.

Little spanks teach that Mother can inflict some of the pains of life, but she also comforts even these.

Introduction of solid food reveals that Mother knows more about nourishment than she originally admitted.

Us Two and No More.

Mother’s job is now easier at night, but much more taxing in the day. The homeschooling tasks have changed from teaching the babe that life is good, to teaching the toddler to fit into this life. For a while, then, it is only “Me and Mother”. Daddy and all others are suddenly banished. For a short while.

Yes! Or, no!

The “two” develops preferences.

Knowing which noises are his own and how to project his voice in a way that causes effects, he branches out into speech.

Gaining mastery of his own legs, he walks wherever he pleases.

Discovering that many things have flavors besides milk, and finding his mouth, he puts almost everything there.

In essence, this “two” has finally found the real self and found that Mother is another one, that he and she are two.

Having learned he has two hands, the “two” wants two cookies and sometimes can count that far. The “two” can easily begin a second language. This child also discovers sometimes there are two choices and sometimes the choice is his. Newly recognizing there are two answers to many questions, for a while, the “two” is confused about the appropriateness of the word “no”.

The Taming of the Two

It is the grace of God that teaches us “denying ungodliness and worldly lusts…” (Titus 2:11-12 KJV), a most important lesson. Again, we see how delaying a basic homeschool lesson can produce disastrously harmful results to spirit, soul, and body, in the future.

We could say that after having found himself, the two now needs to learn in infinitesimal increments, to deny himself and submit to authority. I need not tell you what is missing in the lives of our ever-increasing population of adult two-year-olds, who seem to need to learn the proper times to “just say no”. Some never learn it until they get to prison. Some never learn it at all.

More tomorrow.