relationships – Page 29

Smile

Posted on January 7, 2011March 13, 2015 by Katharine

A smile is a funny thing. All it is, is a couple of muscles pulling the corners of the mouth up. Yet it can mean the difference between life and death, if a surgeon smiles. It can mean the difference between marriage and rejection if a girlfriend smiles. When a mother smiles, a child learns that all is well.

Do you smile? I think sometimes I do not smile enough. I’ve accidentally caught myself in my relaxed, normal look and it is not a smiley face surprising me from some unexpected mirror. Even though I’ve told myself many a time that I look better with a smile, I revert to autopilot and it’s not a pretty sight.

They say if you smile, then the world will smile with you. I think someone was hoping when that motto came about. Still, the good that usually comes with a smile makes people more eager to see you if you’re wearing one.

Sometimes I think about the things I say with a frown, and wonder what the results would be if I smiled, instead. You know the times when someone needs discipline or things don’t go the right way. What would happen if I said, “Dear, you must go to your room, now,” with a smile instead of a frown? At first the child surely would think I was either heartless or joking, but what if it were my normal practice to smile when I disciplined a child? Would the child better understand the love that backs the discipline? I don’t know.

What if when someone were mean to me, instead of crying, I could somehow manage a smile? What if I said, “That co-worker deliberately ignored my presence, today,” with a smile instead of a frown? Those who care about me would probably think I had gone crazy, but only because it is not the norm for me. But what if it were?

I know one thing: When I deliberately smile, when I think it’s not the norm but I smile anyway, I feel better. What if I’m not happy? So what?

I’ll tell you what: If I smile, I become happier, that’s what.

God has smiled on us all. Why shouldn’t we smile?

Believe it or not!, Inspiring, Scripture, Wisdom, Womanhood

An Anatomy of Pain – The Real Enemy

Posted on December 23, 2010April 6, 2015 by Katharine

: Chess pawn 0985.jpg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Oh, if only forgiveness were the end of it!

But it’s just the beginning.

Suffering doesn’t stop just because we’ve been nice. Our real enemy (who is not a human enemy), knows how to move his pawns and which buttons to push. Sometimes forgiveness must become more like a motto than a choice. Once that choice is functioning, insight grows for us in amazing ways.

We notice patterns. Painful, uncanny coincidences just “pop up”. Ever wonder if it was just you, or if life actually takes a nosedive once a month? At the least timely time? Like clockwork? Mark your calendar; he’ll be back when you’re at your weakest. Why not? He’s the enemy!

For our family, he tries a trick or two every Thanksgiving. I think it’s because we actually celebrate the “thanks” part of it, unto the Lord. Our enemy hates that. So we’ve had four wrecks (none our fault), a baby dehydrating in a hospital, a surgically repaired broken arm, a best friend’s funeral, a small housefire, an emergency cleaning at our church’s parsonage, and a dead refrigerator on ten separate Thanksgivings. We know when to start praying.

But the thanksgiving part is the most essential. If we turn to God in our pain, weakness, and fear; if we cling to Him in trust; if we thank Him and praise Him in obedience to His Word; we come away from our temptations, trials, and tests on His side of the line between life and death. He waits to help and longs for us to choose life.

Oh, but there’s more. During times of great mental or emotional pain we still have our relationships. Precious ones still need us. Promises stand unfulfilled. We simply cannot cry all day because of a meeting tonight. We cannot go for a long drive because of the children. We cannot rent a cabin away from it all because Mom will need her cancer checkup. Or something.

Then there’s the Word. How impossible it is to pitch a good old-fashioned fit with the Word echoing in our brains! Blessed are ye . . .Who for the joy set before Him endured . . . ye have not yet endured to the shedding of your blood . . . Wives, also . . . We end at the ultimate word on suffering: My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me? And we realize: He has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one . . .

Could there possible be more? Yep. We always have helpers. People bring us food we aren’t supposed to eat. People comfort us with ungodly words. People say they love us and we know they lie. It is a call for the patience of the saints. Be a saint. After all, you do have needs. They mean no harm.

Eventually God takes you out, raises you above, gives you a plateau. The plateau has a name: Union with God. You realize it is not about you, was never about you. You realize your co-suffering with Jesus, your helping to fill what was lacking in His suffering, your place in the plan of salvation for someone else. It is heavenly. You see yourself through His eyes, as a warrior for Him, someone He trusts to do part of His work. It’s like a medals ceremony after a big battle.

Then you rest. Only then. Although He has held you tenderly by the hand through the whole nightmare, He now holds you IN His hand and you know you are, finally, safe.

Conclusion, tomorrow.

Believe it or not!, Inspiring, Scripture, Wisdom

An Anatomy of Pain – What in the World IS Forgiveness??

Posted on December 22, 2010July 13, 2018 by Katharine

What Is Forgiveness? – The Word often depicts forgiveness as one of the most important teachings. But WHAT is it? Well, let’s start with what it is not.

Forgiveness is NOT:

Saying, “Oh, it’s okay.” You can only say this if no one did you wrong, if you wouldn’t mind if they did it again. It is not okay with God for someone to do wrong. Don’t say it’s okay. That is not the truth. It is denial.
Forgetting. You will remember, even after you forgive. We have brains that make decisions based on remembering. Our memories help us be safe. We do not have delete buttons. You are not God; don’t think you have to forget. That opens the door for excuses.
Trusting. You do not have to trust an untrustworthy person, to prove you have forgiven him. The Bible often warns against trusting the untrustworthy. We must earn trust; no one can demand it. That is foolishness.

Now. Forgiveness IS:

Saying, “I forgive you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Your feelings may be screaming and you may have to pray hard to say these words and to make them true. It’s okay. That is what the throne of grace is for—to get grace to help us in time of need.
Refusing to remember the sin against the sinner. It is a contract. Yes, something bad happened, but it is forgiven. The debt is paid. If you wrote off a bad debt as a wedding gift to a young debtor, would you then hope for payment or send a bill? No. It is forgiven.
Actually, it is a lot like giving it to God. The word “forgive” means to give far. How far is far enough? The hands of God—leave it in His hands. That will do quite nicely.
Praying for the one who has hurt you. This is not optional. We are to love our enemies and do good to those who misuse us. It’s okay to do good from a distance, though. A card or phone call may be all you can manage. A secret pen pal note distances you even more, especially if you disguise your writing and mail from another town. Think hard—you can figure a safe way to bless the dangerous ones in your life.

We have to do this, Sisters. We must forgive, or we’re not forgiven, and who doesn’t need forgiving? We have to do this for our children’s sakes, too. When they see our ways with our enemies, when they see how we respond to our hurts, they will believe us more, about God.

And when God steps in and plants the forgiveness in your heart without any help from you, you’ll believe Him more, too.

More tomorrow.

Believe it or not!, Inspiring, Scripture, Wisdom

An Anatomy of Pain – Remember, the World Hurts, Like a Sledge Hammer

Posted on December 21, 2010January 29, 2019 by Katharine

Why it Hurts – Sticks and stones . . . you know names can hurt worse. A bruise from a stone heals in a week or two, but the pain from name calling can last as long as your memory. It can last as long as we let it.

We can let it hurt for ages.

Do we want it to hurt? Maybe there’s something inside us that does. Do we feel proud if we can get that lower lip to quiver one more time?

I mean, people, IT HURTS!

Right? People notice? They pet us some more? They feel sorry for us?

Maybe not.

It’s just the world – People! Them! It’s not my fault, remember! No, it’s just the world. We forget something: “In this world ye shall have tribulation.” It’s a promise from God, but not one of those promises we name and claim, is it?

Jesus told us. He warned us. We should know it. It’s part of being alive. Tribulation, from the Latin root meaning sledge-hammer. How appropriate. The alternative is leaving this old world behind. Being alive in this world includes getting hammered. Being alive in this world also includes being part of it. We are such sloppy communicators and such confused listeners, no one can help being part of the trouble.

God also told us, “The heart of man is desperately wicked. Who can know it?” I think that is part of the pain, too. We think we know so-and-so would never say that. We find out each person is capable of hammering on us. We think, finally, this relationship is secure.

Nope. Never.

As long as there are people, and that includes you and me, there will be hammerin’. People will hammer. They will hurt and not apologize. They will apologize and not sound sincere, not even know what they ought to have apologized for. It’s just the heart of man, including the women.

Sometimes, oh, I dunno, it seems, especially the women.

People don’t know what to apologize for because they have no idea they did anything. They truly have no idea what they are doing half the time, no idea what they’ve done. They say, “WHAT?!” and they mean it. What have I done? What is it THIS time? What?! They don’t know what they’re doing.

But we don’t remember something. The beloved voice that said, “In this world ye shall have tribulation,” also said, “Be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.” He did not mean He could lick any enemy of ours in a moment, although He could do that. No, He meant He has overcome the whole mess, you and me included. The whole world—He could lick it all in a moment, and He will.

The God who said, “The heart of man is desperately wicked,” also said that He knows our hearts. Oops. Scary business, that. On top of that, He told us to rejoice and look up when it got really bad, because He would be close on the heels of the Very Worst Day. When That Day comes, we’d better be ready.

We’d better be cheered up!

More tomorrow.

Inspiring, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

An Anatomy of Pain

Posted on December 20, 2010April 28, 2015 by Katharine

This is not about physical pain, although all women, and especially all wives, are great experts at physical pain. After having 6 children and around 2000 migraines, I certainly am.

But this is about the pain that attacks your soul, the confusion, indecision, and heartbreaks that can blindside us all.

Like when the doctor tells you morning sickness is all in your head.

Let’s just face it: The happenings in life are often unfair. We devote a third of our government to being sure life is fair, but unfairness still slips in, doesn’t it? A lot, right? It’s not enough that a child dies, but it sometimes must be that someone killed him. It’s not enough that a woman loses her husband, but sometimes it must be that some other woman stole him. It’s not enough that a house burns down, but sometimes it must be that an arsonist started a forest fire.

Isn’t that how it goes?

And it hurts most when friends and family are the perpetrators, doesn’t it? When your child is ungrateful, it hurts more. When your husband is lazy, it hurts more. When someone at church lies about you, it hurts more. When your mother gets on your case, it hurts more.

Sometimes that’s just how it goes.

And sometimes, even that is not enough. Sometimes we also must go through these hurts alone. Having no defenders makes it tougher. Having no one to confide in intensifies it. Having no one just hurts. More.

Since I’ve been experiencing considerable pain, lately, I thought talking to you would help me keep my brain right-side up. Oh, I’ll share no real details, but generalities should be enough to help you help me help you. What about it?

Wouldn’t it be a good thing if we could turn our hurts into help for others?

I’m in. Let’s take a week to do an autopsy on mental and emotional pain. Let’s take every part out and learn what goes wrong and how to right it.

Maybe you know someone else you could share this with. Or send it to.

Maybe we all can feel better, think straighter, laugh more.

More tomorrow.

Blessings of Habit, Home School, Homemaking, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Scream Carrot Gardening and How to Stay Alive

Posted on December 8, 2010May 20, 2016 by Katharine

In the summer, we still teach our children. You know we teach them all the time, right?

Really fresh carrots

One summer, we were all out in the garden learning about how hard carrots can be to pull up. It was fun, though, a sort of tug-o-war between children and carrots, with Mom along to man the shovel if the tops broke off.

So many Bible lessons happen in the garden. We constantly show them how well the weeded plants grow, compared to the weedy ones. They know a beet seedling from a pigweed seedling, although they so resemble each other.

And the buckets of rocks!

They have learned to love harvesting their own snacks straight from the garden, like a small, perfectly sun-ripened tomato, rubbed until shiny and popped into the mouth to dribble everywhere while quenching thirst. They know a small packet of seeds can make all those jars of wonderful food in the basement.

The most important lessons the garden teaches, though, is that when Mom says you have to do something, whether you like it or not, you have to do it. This lesson, in a grown child and transferred to other authorities, can protect job security.

In a young child, it can save a life or limb.

Most dangers in life are unexpected. We can teach endlessly and still miss the lesson that will be needed tomorrow. This was the case, one day.

My son, another fearless one, about age twelve, had managed to extract one carrot that housed a curiously beautiful spider in its stems. He brought it to me to see its beauty and I’m sure my eyes widened.

“Drop it!” I ordered.

He looked at me, saw my face matched my tone, and obeyed. Today I still think about it. He was happy with his find, happy in his boldness, and probably happy in anticipation of sharing and of my praise. What a big deal to older brother, to turn loose of this happiness! But he did it.

And that day, the garden yielded up the lessons of the black widow spider. God’s protection, parents’ obligation to protect children, children’s obligation to obey, and the continuing obligation for all to “FEAR NOT!”—all those lessons and more came from our garden that day.

And I am not afraid, but I still shudder. His right hand was two inches from destruction.

But God can fit inside two inches.

Last story in this series here!

Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Sayings

How a Crazy Picnic Morphed into a Sweet Memory

Posted on December 4, 2010July 20, 2017 by Katharine

Long ago—oh, so long ago—we set out, trembling but sure, with little but our dear children and sheer determination, to home school.

Our children had endured unhappy experiences where they were, we had tired of the huge expense of a private education that produced unhappiness, and we imagined we could do at least as well as the teachers we had met.

Not much going for us? Well, we thought we had the world by the tail.

We did have it by the tail.

One of our first home-school acquisitions, a black Lab puppy, soon taught us some lessons about the joy of life. Before he grew out of the puppy stage, he had been, as the joke says, “like a Slinky—not really good for much, but it’s fun to watch him fall down.” As a Retriever, he totally loved retrieving, but never did really learn also to relinquish the retrieved thing. Still, if he brought the pop fly balls from wa-a-ay outfield, all slobbery, and we had to tussle them out of his mouth, it saved time and endless running for us and provided him no end of joy and exercise.

As our schedule solidified and we found more time for relaxation during schooling, we chose a particularly crisp, sunny day for a simple picnic. Just sandwiches, granola bars, and juice in sippy cups, each one making his own lunch, was all we wanted—that and a blanket outdoors. Because our year-old pup relished people food, we took along his dish, a bit of dog food, a dog biscuit, and some “fetch toys”. Loading all this into our wheelbarrow, we rolled out to the backside of our seven acres for a lazy hour of rejuvenation.

As we ate and tossed toys for our pup, we played silly games, joking and teasing a lot. Pup managed to steal half a sandwich from the youngest, which I replenished with half of mine. Oh, the laughter of that afternoon!

About a month later, we unearthed time for our second, ever, home-school picnic. Out came the same wheelbarrow, the same red blanket, the same toys, the same lunch bags….

Suddenly, from seemingly nowhere, our Lab appeared, running round and round the wheelbarrow, barking all the way. We laughed at him and his excitement. Could he be anticipating what our actions implied? Could he be excited about going on another picnic?

He scooped up his food dish in his teeth and ran a couple of circles around us, galloped off to the backside of the seven acres to deposit it, then rushed back barking all the way to hurry us along. That’s when we were certain of it: he actually remembered the fun of a month ago and seemingly could not wait for a replay.

Still laughing, more in wonder than amusement, we hurried as best we could while he continued barking.

What a marvel that a dog could understand family togetherness better than the world can!

The next hour filled with creating more happy memories.

But we guarded the sandwiches better.