Posted in Believe it or not!, Blessings of Habit, Good ol' days, Husbands, Inspiring, Wisdom

. . . and Thanksgiving Found!

Today is the second story, the one that makes yesterday’s post complete in expression of the beauty of blessings. If you didn’t read yesterday’s, you kind of have to read it now. Today’s won’t make as much sense without it.

Fast forward one year. It is Thanksgiving Day, again. We are planning the 500 mile trek home again. Our arm is better. We are playing more carefully, now. We are so totally ready, again.

But a lot has happened in another family we know. The family that opened its home to us last year, when we were sort of stranded, in a medical way of speaking, had lost its only source of income. The dad–we’ll call him Clarence–had been jobless for weeks, had found new employment several hours away and had moved his entire family there to be with him. Things were looking rather good for them and we rejoiced that after such a long trial, these kind people had found some relief from their troubles.

Clarence also had medical insurance at this new job and needed elective surgery. He chose the weekend of Thanksgiving for it because he had days off and so did his parents; they could all be together.

We visited with them over the phone a time or two before the surgery. He felt a bit uneasy, as anyone would before surgery, and Clarence and my husband were pretty good friends. Clarence would call my husband his best friend, but my husband is shy of being called by superlatives.

I think it was the Wednesday. You know–THE Wednesday before Thanksgiving. We were readying to go, I know that for sure. Then the call came. Clarence’s wife wanted prayer for his surgery. I told her of course we were praying. She said that no, she meant really, really pray, that something was not going right. She began to cry. I listened. My horror grew as I realized the medical terms she was quoting from the doctors were the warm-up words they use to prepare the family for death of the patient. I think she wanted me to help her accept this might be happening. I don’t remember what I said, but I did not want to commit myself to anything quotable until I had spoken with my husband.

I called my husband and told him what I thought. It did not register with him. He came home as early as he thought appropriate, and by then I had spoken several more times with Clarence’s wife and when my husband walked in the door I told him, “I think Clarence is dead.”

The grief that washed over him made me sorry I had to tell him.

He called the wife and spoke with her a bit. When he hung up, he said he was going immediately. He took our older son, Clarence’s older son’s best friend. The two of them stayed up all night waiting for the doctors to admit the truth: Clarence had suffered from a fatal reaction to the anesthesia. He had gone out of this life saying to his wife, “Something’s not right. Something’s not right. Tell them! Something’s not right.” She heard these, his last words, I am sure, forever, although that was maybe 12 or 15 years ago and she is happily remarried now.

grabschmuck-61204_640But my husband and my son were there. They were able to help Clarence’s family assimilate the truth and deal with the aftermath. This kind family who had opened their home to us during the previous Thanksgiving, now missing one member, were the needy ones. And although our plans were again foiled by the events around us, by troubles and tragedies around us, there was the blessing: We could be there for them.

And we realized: That Thanksgiving Dinner we had shared the year before was the last event, ever, that we shared with him before he moved his family and then died. If we had not had reason to stay home, we so would have missed that one last dinner.

And that was the 8th blessing.

And we know that in all things, God works for good with those who love Him . . . Romans 8:28

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Posted in Inspiring, Photos, Sayings, Scripture, Wisdom

Denial, Excuses, and Folly, Oh No!

Rembrandt – “The Return of the Prodigal SonThere sure are a lot of wrong theories and sayings about forgiveness out there, these days! Most people have heard them all, too many times.

Still, although logic tells us something is wrong, we strain to forgive according to all the wrong theories we’ve heard.

We cannot figure it out.

Nothing seems to happen.

Several of our victimizers do not stay forgiven very long at all.

What!

To get a grasp on exactly what we are supposed to do, let’s first eliminate all wrong thinking upon which some people may be trying to convince us to act. For instance, forgiveness is not:

Denial

Forgiveness is NOT saying, “Oh, it’s okay.” When someone has done hurtful wrong against you, IT IS NOT OKAY!

It should make us feel all rotten inside to say it is.

Why? Because spreading wrongful hurt is not okay; it is sin. Sin is not okay with God; how could it be okay with us?

Saying it is okay, is denial. It’s just plain ol’ living a lie.

Only say, “It’s okay,” when it was not sin, was not intended as sin, and was not received as sin.

Only say, “It’s okay,” if you truly would be okay with it happening again.

Excuses

Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. How can anyone forget something on purpose!

We have miraculous brains that function largely by memory. We do not have back-space keys for our brains.

God can decide to forget something, if He wants, or He can cause us to forget something, but we do not have that kind of power.

Thinking we must forget, in order to prove we have forgiven, sets us up for making excuses. We say, “I’ll never be able to forgive that, because I just can’t forget what he did.” Or we think we have not forgiven because memories keep resurfacing.

We haven’t forgiven, obviously, because we still remember it?
So it must be hopeless to try?

What a wide-open door for excuses!

Folly

Forgiveness is NOT trusting. It is neither safe nor wise to trust someone who has proven himself to be untrustworthy.

To send a youngster back to a bullying classroom or molesting teacher, to lend more money to someone who has not repaid, to tell a secret to a gossip, is just plain folly.

Yes, we must forgive those who sin against us, but we do NOT have to trust them again, in order to prove we have done so.

We certainly do not have to feel guilty for helping put such a one in jail, if his sin was illegal.

Besides that, trust, by its very nature, must be earned, cannot be demanded.

So What IS Forgiveness?!

If we look up the word, “forgive,” we can find the original meanings of its ancient parts: to give far away, to “far-give”.

Think: Where would you put all that pain, if you could download it somewhere else? How far away would be far enough? Would sending it into another existence be far enough? It would do fine, for me.

The farthest possible distance from me, from this existence is:

In God’s hands. When He takes it, it’s gone.

Giving it to Him can feel like work, but it is forgiveness. And is far less work than dealing with your current agony. I know.

  1. Forgiveness is SAYING, “I forgive it in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.”
    (Yes, it is like writing a check on His checkbook to pay a debt, which we cannot actually do unless we are actually His.)
    It is a transaction, like writing off a bad debt. Our feelings may be screaming, but it is not about feelings; it is about getting past this great wrong and moving on with this life. It’s about positioning ourselves for the next life beyond.
  2. Forgiveness is REFUSING to remember the sin against the sinner.
    Yes, it was a bad debt; no, we will not continue mentally sending bills to “debtor’s prison”. That part is over.
  3. Forgiveness is MINISTERING to the sinner.
    Maybe the only safe or possible thing we can do is pray for him, but because we, ourselves, have been forgiven by so marvelous a God, we are free and power-filled  to do so.
    Seeing this is a mark of true forgiveness.

Now we have dealt with the why’s of suffering and forgiveness, and we have defined terms. Come on by tomorrow and get the HOW-TO and some FAQ’s.

________________

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Posted in Believe it or not!, Inspiring, Sayings, Scripture, Wisdom

Ashes to Ashes Again

CalvaryUsually, if I talk on this subject, I ask everyone who has ever suffered unfair treatment to raise his hand.

This is not about illness, but about medical error. This is not about car wrecks, but about DUI. Ever suffer from either of those? This is not about miscarriages, but about forced abortions—I know you are out there.

If you have never suffered from someone mistreating you, then I KNOW you know someone else who has so suffered. It is altogether common.

I want to begin addressing it and giving you tools to help yourself or help that acquaintance. Someone you know needs this post and the ones that will follow, so listen up and spread the word.

Why Does Suffering Come to Us?

1.  God. Common folks blame the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. (Why do we never blame any other presumed gods?!) But those who blame Him must first believe that He exists, so if you claim atheism or agnosticism, do NOT let it be because you blame what you consider a non-existent entity. Is that fair? Of course.

So if we believe He exists, if we believe He is “up there” to be blamed, then the main way we can know anything about Him is to consult His writings.

In His writings, we find that He made everything very good. Not messed up, like it is now.

It. Is. Not. His. Fault.

2.  Man. God gave man choices, Life and Death, and we chose death. So here we are. He TOLD us, for our own good, what to do and we did the opposite, did not obey. Even today, even those who think maybe there is a God, even those who claim to love Him totally, do not always obey and thereby choose death. Admit it.

And what a lie, today, that the only way to be pro-choice is to choose death! Really, we do NOT think!

However, the only way God’s creation can work well, is if every part is working together, just like a motor or a body. Anything wonky messes up everything. We must fall in line with His business plan if we hope to benefit from all His goodness.

Many people do not line up with Him. They line up with His enemy, instead. This is the constant battle between good and evil. Helping the hurting. Protecting the innocent. Guarding the airports. It is a constant battle—even inside ourselves—to make any good thing happen, because of the constant attack on all things good.

3.  Satan. According to the words of the God we are tentatively agreeing might exist, Satan hates God and all things good. So—he hates all creation. He personally hates every human being because they are all potential containers for God, his chosen enemy. He especially hates firstborn children, because they remind him of Jesus. Are you a firstborn? Ever notice anything?

To give himself significance, Satan thinks he must fight God. Steal! Kill! Destroy!—that is his motto. And his secret formula is to get man to join him. Anything he can do to trick man into cooperating with him, he will do, if he can. Anything to cause thievery, death, destruction will suit him just fine.

So, if you are not a Christian, you truly could say, “The devil made me do it.” But it doesn’t get anyone off the hook . . . .

Okay, all this was introduction. Tomorrow we begin the main deal and you won’t want to miss it, so sign up, so you won’t forget!

And share! Thanks!

See ya’ tomorrow

_______________

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Posted in Believe it or not!, Blessings of Habit, Husbands, Inspiring, Photos, Scripture, Wisdom, Wives

Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Can’t Do Better – Part 2

Mother Scold Son

 Reason #2 – He Has Been Cursed

I’m sticking my neck out, here. Stay with me.

The truth is that our husbands face many draining words in the course of a normal day;

  • Those nagging words you speak: “Why can’t you remember a thing I say?!”
  • Those foretelling words his mother always spoke: “Darling, you know Mother wants you to avoid all the mistakes your father made!”
  • Those fiery words from the boss: “Herman, you just HAVE to shape up!”

All these words can work as curses with bad effects. They cause him to dwell on and believe in his faults, real or imagined, and to take his eyes off the Author and Finisher of his faith. These words tell him he is not good enough and perhaps never will be. He can easily sink into depression or despair instead of standing against the enemy.

 Solution #2: Pray to break word curses spoken over your husband. Try this for a morning prayer: “In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I break every curse and negative word spoken over my husband, (name). I declare every curse and negative word spoken over my husband to be broken and null and void in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Father, I ask you to put a hedge of protection around my husband’s soul and to guard and protect him from the evil one’s attacks.”

Then stop cursing him. Bless him. We are called to be a blessing, so…be one!

If you had a female roommate, would she stay with you if you talked to her the way you talk to and about your husband? Just because someone is bound to stay with you, by an oath before God, as your husband is, is no reason to take advantage of it and be mean. Tell him how much you appreciate something about him. Tell him you love him, but make it obvious, too.

Do not stop at speaking blessings, be a blessing.

Fix his favorite food, sometimes, just for him, even if it is barely this side of edible. One fried chicken dinner with gravy will go far in saying, “You matter to me,” even if you hope your kids grow up vegetarian. Create a space or two inside his “castle” where things are done his way, where he can feel like he’s at least part owner.

This also goes for when he is not present. Your friends are not being true if they are tempting you in the “roast hubby” game. Look at the Song of Solomon to see how the bride described her groom . . . all the girlfriends wanted to check him out by the time she finished! Your husband isn’t that perfect? Her husband worshiped idols and she likely had no choice in whom she married. How would you like that?

Yet her attitude was godly as ours should be, too.

Maybe you grew up in a matriarchal home.

Maybe you never even considered that your attitude and words could be adding to your problems.

Ask God’s forgiveness. Ask your husband’s forgiveness.

Then walk purely, as a blessing.

Or you cannot expect him to.

All you can expect, then, is bad attitudes in your children, and in your children’s children . . .

__________________

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Posted in Believe it or not!, Husbands, Inspiring, Photos, Scripture, Wisdom, Wives

Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Can’t Do Better – Part 1

Sad Man

I’ve caught a bit of a cold and thought I’d take a break by re-posting a series from about a year ago. It is loaned to me from a friend who first published it in a now out-of-print magazine. Hope you enjoy it.

A man is supposed to be a container for the essence of God. He is supposed to be beautiful in his calling to contain the Almighty. There is nothing sadder than an emotionally broken, bruised, wounded, torn, scarred, weak, limping man. It should break your heart and make you cry every time you hear of one.

It breaks Jesus’ heart.

Your husband’s childhood already did enough to hurt your man. It’s time to give him a break. For God’s sake, love him. Give him space to heal.

And take it easy on your sons.

Reason Number 1

 He Is not Saved

I know, I know; we said he’s a Christian. He says he’s a Christian. Everybody, especially you, hopes he’s a Christian, but what IS a Christian?

Is it someone who claims to be a Christian?

The Word promises nothing to people who merely claim to be Christian.

All the promises of God are for those who admit sin, repent, are born again, love and obey God, love the brethren, have the Spirit of Christ Jesus in them, etc. If he is not walking by the Spirit, maybe he is not Spiritual, not born again.

Maybe, unknowingly, he is an impostor.

Solution #1 Pray him into the kingdom. Forgive him.

Stop expecting him to be able to achieve Godliness. Forgive him.

Be scrupulously careful about always submitting to him. Forgive him.

Love him for who he was meant to be. Forgive him.

Hurt with him in his lost misery. Forgive him.

Stop taking his actions so personally. Forgive him.

Beg God for grace in this time of need to minister unto him. Forgive him.

Smile more. Forgive him.

Cry out to God. Fast. Wait upon the Lord.

Be sure not to mistake occasional lapses for lostness. Most people sin. You sin. I sin.

Be sure you are more concerned with his soul than with your reputation. What will your friends think if you have an unsaved husband? Better ask what God will think if you never solicit prayer on your husband’s behalf! Make sure someone is praying for him (not for you/about him.) It will not dishonor him to tell the truth about his lost soul to sisters who are older and are true prayer warriors. Pray down the only help there is for the lost and undone.

Do not think about self in this problem. Pray constantly. Pray for him when you fold his socks, when you pack his lunch, when you wash out his bathtub. Face the truth with the joy that comes from knowing that half the work is done when we see what to do.

Have you always wished you could go to the mission field?

Maybe you are there.

Do not let your disappointment about your marriage cause you to treat your husband with any less respect or joy than you would give to the heathen in some far off country.

However you arrived in the situation within which you find yourself, remember: God saw and knew all the things you didn’t. Stop now, and re-assess your life and its meaning before God. Be kind to the provider that God has provided for you.

Never forget that your service to your husband is to be as unto the Lord. Strive to make him as happy and pleased as you can. Who else, but a wonderful Christian like you, can truly serve and comfort anyone, anyway? Serve. Be a comfort. Win him with kindness and forgiveness.

Take hope.

Be strong and courageous.

Do not fear.

God is with you.

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Posted in Believe it or not!, Blessings of Habit, Health, Inspiring, Photos, Wisdom

What to Do if You Are Under a Manipulator – part 2

Tenzin Has A Tantrum
When an adult acts like this…

Yesterday we began a list of 7 tactics a person can try, when forced to deal repeatedly with a manipulative, controlling person. Today’s post is the rest of the list. First, though, we must repeat one fact: these suggestions do not apply well to a legitimate authority who uses a manipulative management style. Now, the rest of the list:

8.  Approach the controller when he least expects it. You call him, for a change. Arrange something irresistible and treat the person to a pleasant taste of his own medicine. He probably will pretend that he knew you were going to call, he was just thinking of the same idea, and will probably insist on paying his own way. Call his bluff, insist on paying, yourself, and make it the type of thing that denies him your presence unless you get a turn at running things, once in a while.

9.  When you just need to get alone and cannot achieve it, witness to the controller. Ask him what the Lord has been doing in his life, lately. Ask him if he has anything really special he could share from his quiet time. If he does not claim salvation, explain his need to him in a rather aggressive way. Ask him how you can pray for him. (It would be really mean to say this if you did not mean it, though!) Either he will go away in a frenzy, or he will hear the Word and be drawn to the Lord. If he is going to insist on tying up your life, let it be time well spent. You may be surprised.

10.  Pray for God’s protection from curses and negative words spoken over your life by this person.

11.  If you find that you simply cannot let go of your demonic manipulator, you probably need deliverance from a co-dependent spirit. Ask your pastor. If he does not believe in deliverance, ask him why deliverance is in the Bible; why Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever; or if the devil is less evil than he once was. As you begin withdrawing from the controlling influence, you can expect to see bizarre behavior such as screaming, silence, accusations, tears, hysterical laughter, threats, weird phone calls, etc. You are probably living with some of this already. It may escalate. Try to remain unruffled. SEE IT COMING; do not say, “I didn’t even see it coming!” Make some accusations of your own, if it gets to be too much, but do not make the mistake of engaging in a verbal battle. Calm reason in the face of total absurdity usually has a powerful way of making a point.

12.  If your manipulator is also your legitimate authority, realize your position means you should usually do what he says, regardless of a very horrid management style. You may escape many of the pitfalls of the manipulation by using #8 (a little), #9, and #10.

Also:
a.  Commit to obey God by keeping His command to obey your governing authorities.
b.  Commit your life and its outcomes to Him.
c.  Re-commit yourself to trusting God’s provision. Only He can change some situations.

Living within the type of agony caused by the manipulator/controller spirit among us is a difficult assignment. I’ve been there more than once. I’ve battled the false guilt, false accusations, public embarrassment, sadness, and sheer weight of this enemy of all people.

The unhappy ones who listen to this enemy of us all and who walk in his ways need help. Until they want it enough to get it, though, we endure as best we can.

I hope this list gives you some usable tools to do what you must do under your heavy load: DO NOT BE AN ENABLER

Tomorrow (Lord willing!): Tiny Hints that YOU May Be a Marionette!