Illegitimate Boundaries

Pond boundary with debris
Pond boundary with debris


What makes a boundary that is not good?

  1. It comes from someone who is not over you in authority.
  2. It comes from someone who is not heeding his or her authorities.
  3. It takes over an area of your life not under its authority.

First, when someone tries to set boundaries over or around you and is, himself, not your legitimate authority, you need not heed these boundaries. For instance, if someone else’s husband thinks you should wear your hair a certain way, he’s full of beans! Wearing your hair for someone else’s husband is preposterous. The same would go for someone else’s boss. Only your own boss should be able to tell you what to do on the job and when. This really is simple.

Second, if someone is not minding the law or other authorities over him, he may be out of line for telling you what to do. For instance, a policeman who asked you to rob a bank would be too obviously not one to heed. If your boss asked you to vote a certain way on a jury, that would be similar. Any authority who tried to make you break any law would be contemptible.

Third, the particular areas of your life that are yours, alone, do not fall under any other authorities. Your boss, although he is expected to be over you, still cannot tell you how to feed your children, what TV to watch, when to plant your garden, etc., because it is none of his business.

Also, these scenarios are not truly boundaries; they are bondage. Pay attention and learn to tell the difference.

Published by Katharine

Katharine is a writer, speaker, women's counselor, and professional mom. Happily married over 50 years to the same gorgeous guy. She loves cooking amazing homegrown food, celebrating grandbabies, her golden-egg-laying hennies, and watching old movies with popcorn. Her writing appears at Medium, Arkansas Women Bloggers, Contently, The Testimony Train, Taste Arkansas, Only in Arkansas, and in several professional magazines and one anthology.

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