And What If I Don’t Wanna?

Cologne Cathedral - "Bayernfenster" ...

What if I do not forgive? What happens then?

Several things:

  • I am not forgiven. In the book of Matthew 6:14-15, as Jesus is teaching His followers how to pray, He adds the admonition that if we do not forgive others, then God does not forgive us. Unforgiveness sounds like the unforgivable sin, to me!
  • I bind the sin to my children. In the book of Exodus 20:5-6, God tells us the consequences of unforgiven sin pass down to several generations. It makes sense. If I dwell on someone else’s sin for years, I start acting on this input. But there is more. If I am not forgiven, then instead of being in covenant with God, I covenant with His enemy. How can that bring any good?
  • I do not loose the sinner. In Matthew 16:19 and 18:18-35, even Jesus’ own followers had questions about forgiveness. (It’s always been a tough topic!) He then taught them: when we forgive something on earth, it is forgiven in Heaven. This very thing happened to Saul of Tarsus, who later changed his name to Paul. When Stephen was stoned to death (Acts 7:60,) his last words were of forgiveness for his killers, one of whom Saul was. What if Stephen had not forgiven him? Would we have the writings of Paul, today?

Here is what I used to teach my children when they were young and beginning to discover that relationship is not always all fun. Sometimes they would experience childish tussles and strike back or hold anger against others. So I said:

“If someone does something bad to you, it hurts. I know.

“But if you just do something back to them, it does not help you. You still hurt, and now they hurt, too. What good does that do?

“If you stay angry and then someone innocent comes along and, because of your hurt that you failed to get rid of, you strike out at that person, you STILL hurt, and that new person hurts, too.

“You are trying to get rid of your hurt by giving hurt to someone else. But when you give it to someone else, it does not mean they can take it AWAY from you. They may take it, but they cannot take it AWAY. You leave them hurting, too, and they may try to get rid of their hurt by giving hurt to yet someone else, who also cannot take it away.

“It’s a little like the flu. I can give it to you, but then I still have it; we both will have it. It just spreads.

“Only One person can take hurt AWAY, and that is God. If you give your hurt to Him, He can take it away from you and make you feel much better.”

Now, maybe that was too simple for an adult, but it is true. It’s what He died for. Why not try Him out?



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Published by Katharine

Katharine is a writer, speaker, women's counselor, and professional mom. Happily married over 50 years to the same gorgeous guy. She loves cooking amazing homegrown food, celebrating grandbabies, her golden-egg-laying hennies, and watching old movies with popcorn. Her writing appears at Medium, Arkansas Women Bloggers, Contently, The Testimony Train, Taste Arkansas, Only in Arkansas, and in several professional magazines and one anthology.

8 thoughts on “And What If I Don’t Wanna?

  1. Exactly why I love the Steps! I have been able to give the hurt to Him by working on my resentments, finding out what character defect was involved in it, and asking Him to remove my sin and change my heart. The Steps work for me. They do.

    1. Thanks for this insight, Heidi! We have a tract at our house written by Leonard Ravenhill, called Outline for Repentance. Probably about the same thing, ya’ think? Sure enjoying your visits! 🙂

  2. Definitely not too simplistic for an adult. Actually easy to understand but sometimes so difficult to do. My mom always says “it is not required that you desire to do the right thing. If you don’t desire to do the right thing it is a sign that you are immature in that area. Pray for that maturity. But do the right thing anyway. The desire for doing the right thing will come with practicing doing the right thing and praying for a changed heart”. Just like you said.

    1. Thanks Kate! So true! If we only do what we desire, that is NOT obedience, is it! It’s doing whatever we want, isn’t it? No, the test of obedience is when we do something we don’t want to do. So true. 🙂 Corrie ten Boom used to pray, ” Lord I am not willing. But I am willing to be made willing.” Great lady.

  3. Good analogy – it is like the flu.
    And sometimes the other person doesn’t catch it, even if we try to give it to them, so we’d better just focus on the cure.
    “I never try to get even, You know why? While I’m trying to get even, the other guy is out dancing.” ~ Buddy Hackett
    OK – not a noble or spiritual principal – but true. 😉

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