An Anatomy of Pain

Posted on December 20, 2010April 28, 2015 by Katharine

This is not about physical pain, although all women, and especially all wives, are great experts at physical pain. After having 6 children and around 2000 migraines, I certainly am.

But this is about the pain that attacks your soul, the confusion, indecision, and heartbreaks that can blindside us all.

Like when the doctor tells you morning sickness is all in your head.

Let’s just face it: The happenings in life are often unfair. We devote a third of our government to being sure life is fair, but unfairness still slips in, doesn’t it? A lot, right? It’s not enough that a child dies, but it sometimes must be that someone killed him. It’s not enough that a woman loses her husband, but sometimes it must be that some other woman stole him. It’s not enough that a house burns down, but sometimes it must be that an arsonist started a forest fire.

Isn’t that how it goes?

And it hurts most when friends and family are the perpetrators, doesn’t it? When your child is ungrateful, it hurts more. When your husband is lazy, it hurts more. When someone at church lies about you, it hurts more. When your mother gets on your case, it hurts more.

Sometimes that’s just how it goes.

And sometimes, even that is not enough. Sometimes we also must go through these hurts alone. Having no defenders makes it tougher. Having no one to confide in intensifies it. Having no one just hurts. More.

Since I’ve been experiencing considerable pain, lately, I thought talking to you would help me keep my brain right-side up. Oh, I’ll share no real details, but generalities should be enough to help you help me help you. What about it?

Wouldn’t it be a good thing if we could turn our hurts into help for others?

I’m in. Let’s take a week to do an autopsy on mental and emotional pain. Let’s take every part out and learn what goes wrong and how to right it.

Maybe you know someone else you could share this with. Or send it to.

Maybe we all can feel better, think straighter, laugh more.

More tomorrow.

Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Sayings

How a Crazy Picnic Morphed into a Sweet Memory

Posted on December 4, 2010July 20, 2017 by Katharine

Long ago—oh, so long ago—we set out, trembling but sure, with little but our dear children and sheer determination, to home school.

Our children had endured unhappy experiences where they were, we had tired of the huge expense of a private education that produced unhappiness, and we imagined we could do at least as well as the teachers we had met.

Not much going for us? Well, we thought we had the world by the tail.

We did have it by the tail.

One of our first home-school acquisitions, a black Lab puppy, soon taught us some lessons about the joy of life. Before he grew out of the puppy stage, he had been, as the joke says, “like a Slinky—not really good for much, but it’s fun to watch him fall down.” As a Retriever, he totally loved retrieving, but never did really learn also to relinquish the retrieved thing. Still, if he brought the pop fly balls from wa-a-ay outfield, all slobbery, and we had to tussle them out of his mouth, it saved time and endless running for us and provided him no end of joy and exercise.

As our schedule solidified and we found more time for relaxation during schooling, we chose a particularly crisp, sunny day for a simple picnic. Just sandwiches, granola bars, and juice in sippy cups, each one making his own lunch, was all we wanted—that and a blanket outdoors. Because our year-old pup relished people food, we took along his dish, a bit of dog food, a dog biscuit, and some “fetch toys”. Loading all this into our wheelbarrow, we rolled out to the backside of our seven acres for a lazy hour of rejuvenation.

As we ate and tossed toys for our pup, we played silly games, joking and teasing a lot. Pup managed to steal half a sandwich from the youngest, which I replenished with half of mine. Oh, the laughter of that afternoon!

About a month later, we unearthed time for our second, ever, home-school picnic. Out came the same wheelbarrow, the same red blanket, the same toys, the same lunch bags….

Suddenly, from seemingly nowhere, our Lab appeared, running round and round the wheelbarrow, barking all the way. We laughed at him and his excitement. Could he be anticipating what our actions implied? Could he be excited about going on another picnic?

He scooped up his food dish in his teeth and ran a couple of circles around us, galloped off to the backside of the seven acres to deposit it, then rushed back barking all the way to hurry us along. That’s when we were certain of it: he actually remembered the fun of a month ago and seemingly could not wait for a replay.

Still laughing, more in wonder than amusement, we hurried as best we could while he continued barking.

What a marvel that a dog could understand family togetherness better than the world can!

The next hour filled with creating more happy memories.

But we guarded the sandwiches better.

Blessings of Habit, Good ol' days, Home School, Homemaking, Inspiring, Recipes, Wisdom, Wives

My Favorite Tips

Posted on November 9, 2010June 6, 2014 by Katharine

Save Trips to the Store and Save Money

I cannot overemphasize how we wives need to stick together and help each other.

Candle in the window (Photo credit: Paul Bowman)

Used to be, home schoolers were odd because they homeschooled.

Now days, it’s just rare to find a mom at home, at all. Like it or not, we live in what amounts to the wilderness days, when women kept homemade candles glowing in windows just to cheer each other at night. How kind we used to be, reminding each other, when the coyotes were howling, that someone else was braving it through that lonely existence, too!

The duty of visiting each other and showing hospitality actually had meaning and value, then. Nowadays, we cannot justify visiting unless someone is homebound. Isn’t that us? How else can we keep home, unless we are home? So here I come, through the wilderness, visiting you with news of tips I’ve learned along the way.

It beats gossip.

Out of laundry detergent? Use about 1/8 cup hand-dishwashing liquid in a full load of laundry. This cleans well, but is not quite as easy on clothing as laundry detergent, so do buy the right stuff when you get the chance. It’s great, though, for those days when all the jeans are muddy and you’re out of detergent. Do not use with bleach, however.

For cleaner clothes and less wear on the washer and use of electricity, wash with the lid open (top loaders, only!) on a shorter, gentler cycle. After it agitates, it will soak. Later, re-run the agitation cycle for a few moments with the lid closed. The cycle will complete as usual and the new level of clean will surprise you.

Rather than waste money on aerosol cans of starch, try starching in the washer. Place all starch items together, for this short time, unless they are terrible bleeders. (Do not put your husband’s white shirts with your new red doily, etc.) Fill with warm water, less than usual for that size load. For medium water level, prepare starch thus: Bring one quart water to boil. Thoroughly stir ½ cup cornstarch into 2 cups cold water. Slowly pour this into the boiling water, whisking constantly. Remove from heat. Pour into washer and agitate on gentle cycle. Drain and spin on gentle cycle that does not add much water to the spin. The idea is to eliminate dripping and still leave a goodly amount of starch in the clothing. Drip dry—no dryer, please. Iron using steam and a spray bottle of water to dampen as you go. Starch makes important clothing nice and crisp. I absolutely love what it does for rayon. Sometimes starched clothing fares so well, it is wearable for two days. Collars and yokes pick up less body oil, too, if starched.

Baking soda really does almost anything. I hate to sound like our favorite matron of homemaking, but just try some, in a paste, on your toaster, to see. I even clean ovens with it. I used to think this advice was too hoaky, but it’s for real. Baking soda works just like scouring powder, but is gentler on the item you clean and tougher, if possible, on grunge. I was so shocked when I first learned this. I used to think, “Yeah. Right!” But no more.

To remove permanent ink try hair spray. Rub and launder. If it doesn’t work, hardly anything else will. To remove wax from fabric try ammonia. Get the worst out first, with heating or scraping. It may take a while, but it will dissolve.

More tomorrow. 🙂

Homemaking, Inspiring, Recipes

Whew! This Is Getting Deep!

Posted on October 30, 2010September 24, 2014 by Katharine

Next week won’t be much better, but come on and get a great start to the most hectic time on earth–America’s solstice social habits.

I promise, after November 7th, we’ll get on to something lighter, like recipes and time savers. We’ll need the break.

After all, recipes and time savers are part of being home, right? Right!

And home’s cool, right? Right!

In fact, here’s a sneak preview recipe. I call it Lightning Emergency Biscuits. Only two ingredients, ready in 15 seconds flat.

Here goes: Mix equal parts of self-rising flour and whipping cream. Period.

Mix with a fork and be quick about it because this starts out runny and thickens itself to biscuit dough consistency like lightning. You are done. Just knead, cut, and bake as usual. My family swoons over these. They don’t make good dumplings, though. Sighs.

The best part about this, in my opinion, is you can mix just 1/4 cup cream with 1/4 cup self-rising flour and have yourself a nice big biscuit in no time, with no leftovers. OR, you can mix a whole quart of cream with 4 cups s/r flour and feed the whole Thanksgiving crowd, in almost the same zero time.

After November 7th, I’ll share how to make your own self-rising flour out of whole wheat flour, for the extra-special real-food folks.

___________________

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Husbands, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

Tired and All, All Alone

Posted on October 12, 2010February 6, 2011 by Katharine

How quickly solitude can flip, can convert to loneliness!

No one else you know has just delivered a baby, at your age, right? Where can you find support?

No one else you know lives with quite such a quarrelsome husband, right? To whom would you dare confess?

You are not all alone, though, if you have Jesus. This may sound trite, but really, the truth is timeless and we’ve run out of different ways to say it. He is always there for you. His care for you continues even when you are too tired to care for yourself. His love for you increases even when you’ve lost the strength to love.

Jesus knew sleep deprivation, too. He knows how you feel, even better than I do. He stayed up, sometimes all night, on several occasions. They used to call it keeping watch. He kept the night watches, praying all night, seeking and finding the will of His Father.

I sympathize with His sleeping during a storm on a small boat. We sleep when we can, those of us who have interrupted nights, don’t we?

Jesus also endured temptation to give up. Sometimes He voiced the temptations He faced. Once He even said, “Oh, how long shall I be with you?” How uncannily familiar that rings! Almost, you have proposed the same question: How long must I endure an obstinate partner? Is this really God’s will? How long is long enough or too long?

Yes, Jesus was tempted to give up. He knows the way out of all the temptations, too. In the words of a famous song, “You never gave up./You never gave in./You never said, ‘No, can’t take any more of this.’” That was Jesus.

Do not forget to turn to Him every day. You can ask Him for strength and He will give it to you. This is the truth. His strength is the only thing that can sustain us through a tough time. Eventually, after I recover from my attitude, those times become my favorites, because of the glory of observing His hand working in my life! It is so wonderful to be able actually to SEE Him at work, changing me to be the way I wish I were.

Jesus can make so much progress in my life, where I seem to improve so slowly, if any, on my own.

I pray for you, dear Sister, and possibly many of the readers do, too. By God’s grace, I will not let you down. Christian sisters are supposed to uphold each other. What a joyful gift from God! What a privilege to share your burden with you! Bask in His love. Lie back and rest in His care. Cast it all upon Him.

Homemaking, Inspiring, Scripture, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

Gramma’s Wisdom – Small Things

Posted on October 9, 2010March 19, 2015 by Katharine

Scripture says knowing God’s will is a blessing. Sometimes doing it is hard.

At every step, the enemy of our souls is waiting for an opportunity to take out anyone he can and always watching for a chance to steal, kill, and destroy. We can be his victims. Or we can fight that good fight of faith. The choice is ours and this is the meaning of the verse: Choose ye this day whom ye will serve… We serve the Lord when we:

make progress, move forward,
see our invisible enemy and beat him to the blessing,
receive the goodness God had planned for us,
take our place at the front, in any role from king to pawn.

So many think we must be doing something big for God, but He created a world full of small things that also serve Him.

The humble bee, for instance, has recently encountered much more respect for its astonishing service to us all. Calmly buzzing from flower to flower for centuries, it feeds us. It goes where no man can go. We have learned: its demise is our demise.

The humble housewife, lately, has not enjoyed such an uplifting experience. Calmly buzzing from laundry to kitchen for centuries, she has kept us and her demise is our demise.

The humble mother has not enjoyed such uplifting, either. Calmly buzzing from diapers to diploma, she keeps us until we are adults. Her demise is the demise of our children.

No, the woman, as she is, has not enjoyed uplifting. Only when she pretends at being a man does even she, herself, acknowledge her value as a creature.

What if the woman were to beat off the one who would chase her into this disorder? What if she were to reach for the blessings of being herself? What if she were to take the lead as a woman, instead of grasping at being the man. She would serve the Lord.

It sure gives “charge” a new meaning.

When life is right-side up, the world works better, and our world is not working so well. We can learn this. We need to learn this. We can charge into this survival battle with confidence. Someone has to, if only for the children.

So, who has the equipment? Who has the temperament? Who has the muscles, strengths, right desires? Is it not woman, in numbers too big to ignore?

We buzz. We go where no man can go.

Antique mug from diner; antique drip coffee pot.

Blessings of Habit, Coffee-ism, Inspiring, Wisdom, Wives, Womanhood

Gramma’s Wisdom – Are We Disposable?

Posted on October 5, 2010February 23, 2025 by Katharine

Today while I was tidying the kitchen, I made fresh coffee in my favorite two-cup pot. It’s an old-time drip-through I found at a garage sale, stocky and leaky, but it makes the best couple o’ cups around.

It made me think of me. Not as shiny as I used to be, out of order, and never did produce a lot in the first place—did I disparage myself for a minute?

Yes, until I realized something: I love that old pot.

I’ve loved coffee since I was so young I had to beg for sips. I knew it was good for us then, before the scientists did. I’ve had every sort of coffee brewing experience on earth, I think. I’ve bought and pitched overpriced, electric, coffee-making gizmos until I was ashamed. I’ve brewed it through paper towels in emergencies and even had the old kind with raw egg and shell stirred in the bottom.

I collect coffeepots just because they once belonged to someone whom I know I would have loved: a coffee-ist. I own the carafe my mother first used in her married life. I own a two-gallon, granite-ware coffeepot for over the campfire. I own a cute percolator from my paternal grandparents’ estate. I’ve scouted out the glass parts from several identical glass percolators, a full set with parts to spare. My husband even brings them home from antique stores to surprise me. The day my sister-in-law introduced me to the two-cup, drip-through oldie in her kitchen, however, was the day I began the real search.

When I finally found it, my feelings were hurt—someone had used “my” darling pot for straining drippings from grease, and it wasn’t even for sale; he had planned to throw it out. I actually had to ask him to sell it to me and he valued it at only fifty cents. I lovingly sudsed and scrubbed it until it no longer stank like grease and then my kitchen filled with the wondrous aroma of pure Colombian dark roast.

Bliss.

Nowadays, after my husband and I share our morning pot and he leaves for the woods with his thermos full, I draw out the favored one. The ritual never changes: rinsed pot, filtered water, fresh grounds, a dish underneath for leaks, a comfortable mug, and me. My satisfaction level knows no limit during this hour.

And I think. While I spent my life as a grease catcher, about to be thrown away, my Lord searched until He found me. His love for His rummage-sale find has transformed me into the small one He most loves to spend time with, alone.

I leak but He loves me.

Nothing else in this world matters so to me, except that He is searching for you, too.

Don’t let them throw you away.

_______________

Katharine is a retired, home-educating wife and mom who writes about all things “woman”, from a Godly viewpoint, here on this site, and at The Conquering Mom. Her writing appeared in several magazines for 15 years, and she is currently working on several books. She loves to write, speak, teach, cook, garden, spoil her hennies, and watch old movies with popcorn.