Tag: etiquette

Posted in Believe it or not!, Health, Inspiring, Photos, Wisdom

Ten Subtle Hints that You Might Be Someone’s Marionette

Posted on by Katharine
Panneau marionette
CAUTION!

Is this “feeling” of being under outside control more than just a feeling?

You may be starting to wonder, “Am I being controlled? Is this something I should begin taking more seriously? Could this problem person in my life be a bigger problem than I am realizing?”

Read the following list and wonder no more. Fine tune your manipulation radar and live free!

  1. You cringe when the phone rings. And it almost always rings at the wrong time. Like when you are trying to get some work done. And it almost always is that person.
  2. The problem person is surrounded with weak people who always cater to him and ask you to do likewise. She has lots of friends. But they act worn out and bored all the time.
  3. You cannot remember “how I got into this.” Often. You end up despairing because you have too much to do. You do not feel comfortable just saying “no”.
  4. You deal with this person’s needs before your own, and can’t figure why. Enough said.
  5. Being polite has not helped. In fact, sometimes it seems to bring out the worst in her.
  6. Your problem person has accused you falsely, several times, of nit-picky things. You feel stupid negating it, so you sigh and let it go.
  7. Your spouse is getting tired of this. And you really cannot blame him.
  8. You fear hurting the problem person’s feelings. You care.
  9. Even when you take a vacation, hundreds of miles from this person, his name or troubles pop up in conversations, so there still is no rest.
  10. Your friends are backing away a bit. You are weird with this friend…

There you have it. Do you feel more certain now? You may be a marionette, but you still can cut at least a few of the strings that lead you around and at least tone down the level of outside control over your life. Read the previous posts to learn more, here, here, and here.

And live free.

(*Image via Wikipedia.)

Posted in Believe it or not!, Blessings of Habit, Health, Inspiring, Photos, Wisdom

What to Do if You Are Under a Manipulator – part 2

Posted on by Katharine
Tenzin Has A Tantrum
When an adult acts like this…

Yesterday we began a list of 7 tactics a person can try, when forced to deal repeatedly with a manipulative, controlling person. Today’s post is the rest of the list. First, though, we must repeat one fact: these suggestions do not apply well to a legitimate authority who uses a manipulative management style. Now, the rest of the list:

8.  Approach the controller when he least expects it. You call him, for a change. Arrange something irresistible and treat the person to a pleasant taste of his own medicine. He probably will pretend that he knew you were going to call, he was just thinking of the same idea, and will probably insist on paying his own way. Call his bluff, insist on paying, yourself, and make it the type of thing that denies him your presence unless you get a turn at running things, once in a while.

9.  When you just need to get alone and cannot achieve it, witness to the controller. Ask him what the Lord has been doing in his life, lately. Ask him if he has anything really special he could share from his quiet time. If he does not claim salvation, explain his need to him in a rather aggressive way. Ask him how you can pray for him. (It would be really mean to say this if you did not mean it, though!) Either he will go away in a frenzy, or he will hear the Word and be drawn to the Lord. If he is going to insist on tying up your life, let it be time well spent. You may be surprised.

10.  Pray for God’s protection from curses and negative words spoken over your life by this person.

11.  If you find that you simply cannot let go of your demonic manipulator, you probably need deliverance from a co-dependent spirit. Ask your pastor. If he does not believe in deliverance, ask him why deliverance is in the Bible; why Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever; or if the devil is less evil than he once was. As you begin withdrawing from the controlling influence, you can expect to see bizarre behavior such as screaming, silence, accusations, tears, hysterical laughter, threats, weird phone calls, etc. You are probably living with some of this already. It may escalate. Try to remain unruffled. SEE IT COMING; do not say, “I didn’t even see it coming!” Make some accusations of your own, if it gets to be too much, but do not make the mistake of engaging in a verbal battle. Calm reason in the face of total absurdity usually has a powerful way of making a point.

12.  If your manipulator is also your legitimate authority, realize your position means you should usually do what he says, regardless of a very horrid management style. You may escape many of the pitfalls of the manipulation by using #8 (a little), #9, and #10.

Also:
a.  Commit to obey God by keeping His command to obey your governing authorities.
b.  Commit your life and its outcomes to Him.
c.  Re-commit yourself to trusting God’s provision. Only He can change some situations.

Living within the type of agony caused by the manipulator/controller spirit among us is a difficult assignment. I’ve been there more than once. I’ve battled the false guilt, false accusations, public embarrassment, sadness, and sheer weight of this enemy of all people.

The unhappy ones who listen to this enemy of us all and who walk in his ways need help. Until they want it enough to get it, though, we endure as best we can.

I hope this list gives you some usable tools to do what you must do under your heavy load: DO NOT BE AN ENABLER

Tomorrow (Lord willing!): Tiny Hints that YOU May Be a Marionette!

Posted in Blessings of Habit, Health, Inspiring, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

What to Do if You Are Under a Manipulator – Part 1

Posted on by Katharine

If you and a manipulative person are thrown in together in a way where you cannot escape, what can you do?

  1. First, realize this does not apply to your God-ordained authorities. This means your pastor, husband, parents (if you are young and single), boss, police, mayor, judges, etc. These people are supposed to have some say in your life and you should do what they say if it is not illegal.
  2. Be careful of receiving gifts, compliments, invitations, etc., especially if they have implied debts attached to them (strings attached). You may feel that God wants you to accept the item, but always remember that anything given to you is yours to do with or about as you see fit. A gift is not a contract. If you did not say you would reciprocate with a certain favor because of what you have received, you are not bound to do so when such favors are brought up after the fact.
  3. Seek God daily about your daily activities. Make God your daily planner, not the person who is trying to be God.
  4. Plan ahead. Decide before the telephone rings how long you need to spend on the telephone today. Decide before you receive an invitation for dinner whether or not you are available to go out. Decide before the next time the person is trying to cry, just exactly what your response should be, then . . .
  5. Do not back down! Make “no” mean NO. you can be very polite and still say “no” and make it stick. Do not worry about what the person will think; these people are not responsible for their thoughts and their thoughts are mostly irrational and unpredictable, anyway. No matter what you do, you will invoke base thought from a manipulator.
  6. Be merciless with the sin of control; love the sinner. You can be very distant from a person for his own good, out of love for the person. You could deny an alcoholic liquor because you loved him, right? This time, you are the addictive substance that is being consumed to the point of abuse. Someone has to stop it.
  7. Don’t major on minors. Allow a little control, if you see that it doesn’t matter, especially at first. Let the person choose your ice cream, parking spot, whatever will soften the initial blow of weaning. Save your insistence for choosing friends, movies, books, etc. Also, if the controller lies about the laundry, for instance, let it go, but if lies about your children pop up, expose them.

Hope this is beginning to make sense. More coming tomorrow!

Posted in Believe it or not!, Inspiring, Rain, Wisdom, Womanhood

Fayetteville Prayer Vigil Greeted with Sprinklers, Vulgar Music

Posted on by Katharine

This is how it is, now, in the land of the free and the home of the brave:

The people who arrived for the 40 Days for Life kickoff event last week, outside the abortion center in Fayetteville, Arkansas, got a bit of a surprise–a brand-new sprinkler system, with the sprinkler heads pointed directly at the prayer volunteers.
“The owner of the business complex turned the sprinklers on as soon as we set up all our equipment,” said Tiffany in Fayetteville. “And they kept the sprinklers on for two hours.”

One co-owner spent the entire two hours “pacing and walking up and down the parking lot, yelling at us and telling the police to arrest us,” she said. “Needless to say, the police officers were polite and explained they could not arrest us.”

The prayer volunteers were then greeted with loud, obscene music from inside the building. “We sang and played worship music and lifted our voices to God,” Tiffany explained. “Our God songs drowned out the vulgar music.”

Through it all, the prayer volunteers refused to be discouraged. “The bottom line–God triumphed,” she said. “Praise the Lord!”

40 Days for Life is a peaceful assembly. Participants gather on public sidewalks outside abortion facilities, and pray that God will end abortion in America in our lifetime. That’s really all there is to it. I don’t know why someone would feel the need to try to stop a group of people from exercising their religious right to pray publicly, but that appears to be what happened in Fayetteville.

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Posted in Blessings of Habit, Herbs, Homemaking, Inspiring, Photos, Wisdom

Lace Scrunchies

Posted on by Katharine
blue lace
Blue Lace

This blue lace will become the gathered-up fluff ball we use for bath time scrubbers. Some people call them loufas, but that is not what they are. Loufas are tan in color, actually the inside network of a gourd. Since it looks spongy, some people call them sponges. Also incorrect. Sponges are the network of an underwater animal.

Anyway, bath scrunchies are easy to make. Simply measure out a length of tulle or lace 10″ by 60″ or so, fold in half, lengthwise, to 5″ by 60″, sew the long edges together, turn seams to the inside. Then insert a heavy string or small rope and gather it all by tying the string or rope into as small a circle as possible. This will make a very large, soft, and puffy ball of gathered fabric, gentle on wet skin.

To make it smaller and tougher, for calluses and such, gather the entire doubled length and then tie off, from the outside, like a pom-pom.

I plan to make several of the scrunchies for inclusion in the package for the customer, should she decide she needs one to complete a gift. They will not cost much, maybe only a dollar, which would be a about a 350% return on my costs, since the fabric was only a dollar per yard, and actually, is left over from a curtain project. But the customer will be pleased to receive this small thing for nearly free.

We all enjoy finding something we can feel good about purchasing, don’t we. We all should be looking around for things we can include in our daily dealings with all people. It’s the magazine issue you’ve read and passed on, the jar of jam from a huge harvest, or even the offer to babysit, that makes the day for those we meet.

When we keep an eye open for what we have that we can spare, what someone else needs that we can bear to part with, then we practice generosity. We cannot all live with the terminally ill and give them sips of water. We can, though, give in other small, self-sacrificing ways, to anyone we see.

Reach out. The whole world is waiting for a “lace scrunchie.”

Posted in Believe it or not!, Pre-schoolers, Who's the mom here?, Womanhood

Abnormal Children

Posted on by Katharine

flirt, girl, pinkI watched her as she sashayed down the aisle between rows of dining tables. She had just come from church, no doubt, from the appearance and timing of her family’s entrance. She couldn’t have been over five years old.

But from head to toe, and not just the exterior but somehow even the aura emanating from her, all was advertisement.

Her hair, held in a side-saddle pony tail with a frou-frou clip composed of fuchsia feathers, probably was naturally palest blonde, but crease marks from a hasty curling iron had been sprayed to stay in place during the normal cavorting of a five-year-old. The ear on the un-pony-tailed side offered a pink, diamond-looking, pierced earring.

She did not cavort; she swayed in a dreamy sort of notice-me way. Even her tiny fingers posed. And she flirted fake embarrassment from behind the frou-frou near her cheek while fuchsia-manicured fingers clumsily retrieved an escaping shoulder strap. That’s when I noticed it: the batting eyelids carried a heavy load: blue eyeshadow and brown mascara, to top off pink blusher, and an overload of pink lip-gloss.

Her dress, also hottest of pinks, shimmered as it clung, draped closely to her thin child figure, revealing the bone of her structure, the ripple of her musculature, the absence of pantyline. Ebb and flow of glowing fabric blared unmistakably: temptress.

The dress was far too short, as was Mama’s, but at least Mama knew how to walk like a lady. And Mama didn’t shimmer.

Actually, Daughter’s included a wrap application of an attempt at an empire style skirt that was not full enough to allow room for walking, so each step she took opened the skirt and revealed one long, tanned, and muscular leg and hinted at much more. When one fuchsia-tipped toe pushed against silver, strippy, demi-heel sandals as she struggled her little self onto the adult dining chair, an older man across the dining room dropped his fork on the floor and picked it up.

And looked.

And she noticed. And tried, not-enough, to conceal a knowing smile.

Rumpled and stale-haired, he approached their table and asked Dad if they didn’t know each other, occasionally glancing at Mama’s low-slung necklace. Dad searched his memory, clueless, finally blushing at not knowing, rose to shake hands and share a bit of social info. No, we live over in Dovegate Addition . . . don’t recall meeting you, but then, I stay gone on the road; field work, you know . . . the kids go to Dovegate schools so maybe we’ve passed during a PTA meeting? Oh . . . so sorry . . . I didn’t mean . . . well here’s our waitress; nice to meet you.

And as the older man turned to go, he patted Daughter’s shoulder ever so lightly, accidentally brushing a strap with one finger, saying, “Nice children.” And her shoulder straps really did fall down a lot whenever she was sitting . . .

____________

Of course it would have been highly unlikely to have found a photo that was exactly like this true life situation, but this one captures the sauce pretty well.

Posted in Believe it or not!, Good ol' days

Well, Which Disaster Do You Want First?

Posted on by Katharine

I think I’m back, but my heart hardly knows where to break first . . . .

Disaster #1 – Beloved minister and rescuer of teenage drug captives, David Wilkerson, has died in a car wreck. His wife, Gwen, was with him in the car and is in critical condition. He wrote The Cross and the Switchblade about his early life in New York and how it overlapped the life of Nicky Cruz. After beginning his ministry in Texas, he opened a church in an old theater in New York, where he preached and ministered to whomever dropped in, whether tramp or New York businessman. He was a real modern-day prophet and author of many books, and faithfully published and sent free newsletters (of the postage type) to all who desired to receive them. Listening to his preaching was the first occasion of awakening to the Lord’s call for one of my sons.

Disaster #2 -A beyond-enormous tornado ripped through the Deep South, leaving around 300 dead, at last count.

 Disaster #3 -One of the sweetest ladies I know in the world lost her favorite sister to that storm–the sister who stood by her when her son was murdered–gone, along with the sister’s husband.

Disaster #4 – Someone desecrated a memorial to the unborn at Clarion University in Pennsylvania. It was the usual collection of crosses depicting the enormity of the death sentence on the children of our country: 350 white crosses to commemorate the 53 million dead. But the crosses were found turned upside down (a common satanic ritual symbol), spattered with blood-colored paint, and bloody-looking infant footprints appeared on the site. Also in red, on the sidewalk was the phrase, “pro-choice”.

I’m glad to be back with fairly good service available, but cannot process what a sad day it is, out there. It makes our storm seem paltry by comparison (and I KNOW, it’s not a competition and I am glad we do not measure up.)

But tomorrow, Lord willing (I think we need to start saying that more), I will try to bring you a sweet and humorous story from our storm experience.

See ya’.