Is this “feeling” of being under outside control more than just a feeling?
You may be starting to wonder, “Am I being controlled? Is this something I should begin taking more seriously? Could this problem person in my life be a bigger problem than I am realizing?”
Read the following list and wonder no more. Fine tune your manipulation radar and live free!
- You cringe when the phone rings. And it almost always rings at the wrong time. Like when you are trying to get some work done. And it almost always is that person.
- The problem person is surrounded with weak people who always cater to him and ask you to do likewise. She has lots of friends. But they act worn out and bored all the time.
- You cannot remember “how I got into this.” Often. You end up despairing because you have too much to do. You do not feel comfortable just saying “no”.
- You deal with this person’s needs before your own, and can’t figure why. Enough said.
- Being polite has not helped. In fact, sometimes it seems to bring out the worst in her.
- Your problem person has accused you falsely, several times, of nit-picky things. You feel stupid negating it, so you sigh and let it go.
- Your spouse is getting tired of this. And you really cannot blame him.
- You fear hurting the problem person’s feelings. You care.
- Even when you take a vacation, hundreds of miles from this person, his name or troubles pop up in conversations, so there still is no rest.
- Your friends are backing away a bit. You are weird with this friend…
There you have it. Do you feel more certain now? You may be a marionette, but you still can cut at least a few of the strings that lead you around and at least tone down the level of outside control over your life. Read the previous posts to learn more, here, here, and here.
And live free.
(*Image via Wikipedia.)
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Perfect blog for those of us who are adult children of alcoholics and/or suffer from PTSD. You offer ALL the tips that can make a real difference in whether or not I let my fears control me OR I control me. I LOVE this blog and I must say, I NEEDED these reminders today! thank you. I needed this. Wheww.
Welcome! I am so glad you could benefit, here. I’ve been at this for over a year, and some of it is just fillers, fun stuff, but there are lots more that are supposed to be helpful.
Help yourself! 😉
And thanks, so much, for your very kind comments. Sometimes I wonder about direction, but you have made me feel like it’s not all going south.
good reminder and advice….I think everyone has or has had someone like this….just so constantly insatiably needy.
Needy. Hmm. Someone once asked one of the Rockefeller men, “How much money does it take to satisfy?” His answer: “More.” They are needy, but not needy of what they seek. They just need the Lord.
Absolutely right! They have a God-sized hole within them. We are all born with it. Those who don’t understand that only God will fill that hole are constantly trying to fill it with other things instead—and none of it satisfies or fulfills. Only God fills the need/hunger for Him. And He cannot fill it unless He is sought.
True: seek and ye shall find.
How often we seek fulfillment in things that just pass away and never can last even as long as we do!
Hi Katharine. I’m in! What a helpful post. I had a tangle with my father yesterday. I didn’t do something he wanted me to do … and the silent treatment ensued. I flew into a panic, if not rage. I thought i had quashed some of that “attachment” … and apparently i hadn’t. Must say, though, i think my dad’s in therapy. He finally wrote me an email and said, “don’t worry … do what you want to do.”. Wouldn’t an adult know this?
Thanks for this post! m
And thank YOU, Melissa, for this peek into how these things work.
Yes, a whole adult should know many things we don’t always know because we are broken, somewhere. My main manipulator, who never had the right but screamed at me anyway, was so mistreated as a child, it is a miracle she could even appear normal when she did. And although with hindsight, she often could see her wrong, and sometimes would apologize, that broken place still rears its ugly head from time to time.
And how easy it is for us to use symptoms of anger to control our space! I’ve done it, and I am not proud, but knowing my track record, may do it again, sometime. And be ashamed again.
Thank God for forgiveness! 🙂