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Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Can’t Do Better – Part 3

Posted on October 26, 2011October 27, 2011 by Katharine

Reason #3

He Is in Bondage

What does this mean?

Just as it sounds, he has cords, chains tied around his life and he is unable to escape from his sins. They pursue him, overtake him, enslave him. He tries to understand. He explains to himself, rehearsing what he will say if confronted, all to very little avail. It is a rut. He is stuck, tortured, crippled. There seems to be no way out. The power of God over sin seems to be for everyone else.

Solution #3: How does this happen? Sometimes (most times) this condition in someone who claims Christ, comes from unforgiveness.

In Matthew 6:15 the Lord tells us that God’s people must forgive others to receive forgiveness from the Father. The man holding others in unforgiveness places himself in grave spiritual danger. He shows that even greater sin lies dormant within himself, awaiting a moment to manifest. He proves his need for the grace of God while risking forfeiture of that grace. In fact, he refuses grace.

Failing to go for grace when he is needy, he becomes enslaved. It is such a potential for great loss.

There is little you can do if your husband’s unforgiveness is plaguing your marriage. If he is sinning, you can hardly stop sinning for him. Your patience and prayers are the best you can give.

It’s a different story, though, if the wife is holding him in bondage through her unforgiveness. In Matthew 16:19, we find that if a Christian forgives someone, he is forgiven in God’s eyes. God gives us that authority. This means that when your husband is going too fast on the highway, you can forgive him and free him to receive grace to conquer lawlessness. When he overeats, you can forgive him and free him to receive grace to conquer gluttony. When he neglects to pay bills, you can forgive him and free him to receive grace to conquer laziness.

This makes an enormous difference.

Hard to believe? Look at the Apostle Paul. When he called himself “Saul”, he was one of the Romans who helped kill Christians, hardly a small sin, hardly something you could forgive if you found it in your husband. Yet, Stephen forgave Saul, freeing him for his future. Read about it in Acts 7:58 – 9:1. It really happened: A Godly person forgave the unforgivable. He released the sinner to receive Christ’s ministry and become Christ’s minister. What Stephen forgave on this earth was forgiven in heaven. Stephen was like Jesus in his death.

We are called to be like Christ. That is what the word “Christian” means. If Jesus Christ could love and forgive you when you were His enemy, if Stephen could forgive his murderous enemy, how much more should we be willing to forgive the husband of our heart, our beloved, the one we chose to share this life with!

This two-sided commission also gives us authority to hold a man to his sin, to hold him in bondage. Before we shrug this off, remember that if a husband is bound to a sin, the wife is too, because we are bound to them in marriage. Taking this lightly is dangerous because God takes it seriously. You bind your husband to his sin, yourself to him, your children to you both, to the third and fourth generations of them that hate the Lord. Hate is a strong word, but Jesus said it: You cannot serve two masters. You love only one and hate the other. Whomever you serve, is your master. If you serve the god of unforgiveness, I fear for your family.

There is one more fearful facet to this truth: If you hold your daddy in unforgiveness, binding him to his sin, you need to realize you are bound to him, too, as his daughter. Are you seeing some of his same sins in your husband or in your children? Is it beginning to make sense? Forgiveness IS the key, just as God said. The joyful thing is: you hold the key.

Matthew 16:18-19

Believe it or not!, Blessings of Habit, Husbands, Inspiring, Photos, Scripture, Wisdom, Wives

Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Can’t Do Better – Part 2

Posted on October 25, 2011October 24, 2011 by Katharine

Reason #2 – He Has Been Cursed

I’m sticking my neck out, here. Stay with me.

The truth is that our husbands face many draining words in the course of a normal day;

Those nagging words you speak: “Why can’t you remember a thing I say?!”
Those foretelling words his mother always spoke: “Darling, you know Mother wants you to avoid all the mistakes your father made!”
Those fiery words from the boss: “Herman, you just HAVE to shape up!”

All these words can work as curses with bad effects. They cause him to dwell on and believe in his faults, real or imagined, and to take his eyes off the Author and Finisher of his faith. These words tell him he is not good enough and perhaps never will be. He can easily sink into depression or despair instead of standing against the enemy.

Solution #2: Pray to break word curses spoken over your husband. Try this for a morning prayer: “In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I break every curse and negative word spoken over my husband, (name). I declare every curse and negative word spoken over my husband to be broken and null and void in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Father, I ask you to put a hedge of protection around my husband’s soul and to guard and protect him from the evil one’s attacks.”

Then stop cursing him. Bless him. We are called to be a blessing, so…be one!

If you had a female roommate, would she stay with you if you talked to her the way you talk to and about your husband? Just because someone is bound to stay with you, by an oath before God, as your husband is, is no reason to take advantage of it and be mean. Tell him how much you appreciate something about him. Tell him you love him, but make it obvious, too.

Do not stop at speaking blessings, be a blessing.

Fix his favorite food, sometimes, just for him, even if it is barely this side of edible. One fried chicken dinner with gravy will go far in saying, “You matter to me,” even if you hope your kids grow up vegetarian. Create a space or two inside his “castle” where things are done his way, where he can feel like he’s at least part owner.

This also goes for when he is not present. Your friends are not being true if they are tempting you in the “roast hubby” game. Look at the Song of Solomon to see how the bride described her groom . . . all the girlfriends wanted to check him out by the time she finished! Your husband isn’t that perfect? Her husband worshiped idols and she likely had no choice in whom she married. How would you like that?

Yet her attitude was godly as ours should be, too.

Maybe you grew up in a matriarchal home.

Maybe you never even considered that your attitude and words could be adding to your problems.

Ask God’s forgiveness. Ask your husband’s forgiveness.

Then walk purely, as a blessing.

Or you cannot expect him to.

All you can expect, then, is bad attitudes in your children, and in your children’s children . . .

__________________

Image by xcode via Flickr

Blessings of Habit, Home School, Inspiring, Photos, Pre-schoolers, Scripture, Wisdom

Our Rewarder God

Posted on October 19, 2011October 26, 2011 by Katharine

Everyone who comes to God must believe these two things:

That He exists
That He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

This is truth, according to His Word, which is what we must accept if we accept that He is there to deny, to hate, to dispute, to blame, to doubt, to question, to quote, to copy, to seek, to find, or to acknowledge.

Another truth: all God-haters must admit He exists or their whole life-work has been wasted, right? Same for blamers, questioners, etc. They just miss, entirely, the BENEFITS of His existence, because they do not, also, believe that He rewards, and would joyfully reward THEM.

But He does. He would.

So, it is mandatory to reward our children; we must raise them up in the discipline of the Lord. Reward is one way He disciplines us.

“What?!” you say. “I thought discipline meant things like time-out or skipping dessert!”

While unpleasant consequences are, indeed, a valid part of discipline, God’s Word also shows us that He adds rewards to His method of discipline, which He has commanded us to use.

Why do we fear rewards? I have heard parents say, “I refuse to bribe my children to do right.”

Again, we show our ignorance, because, according to the Word of Him Who requires we do right, bribery—rewarding to do WRONG—is wrong, and rewarding to do right is right.

God’s discipline also includes praise. Consider this: “Well done, thou good and faithful servant . . . ” Or: “This is My Beloved Son, in Whom I AM well pleased . . . “ We cannot deny that He does praise us, also.

So we should praise our own. This is truth.

There is one facet of all this truth that escapes notice, though.

Humility.

His Word says, “Humble yourself, therefore, under the mighty hand of God and He will exalt you in due time.”

His Word says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

As one of His most famous followers said, “He must increase; I must decrease,” and “I am not worthy even to untie His shoe . . .”

We sometimes hear someone who has received great praise saying something like, “Oh, you are setting me up for a fall!” referring to the Scripture that reads, “Pride goeth before a fall . . . “

Still we should praise and reward good jobs, wherever we see them, and especially in our children’s lives. Missing this facet of childhood has caused many adults to grow up warped, never praised, never rewarded, and also never pitied and probably never sent to the corner or switched when they needed that. Undisciplined, they grow up with no self-discipline and probably no healthy concept of God, either, since we learn those from our parents.

Many adults fail to praise or reward other adults, though, and a job well done can make a hurting person jealous. People raised wrong envy beauty, industry, discipline, etc., and often grow snarky instead of praising. We just have to forgive them.

However, it is God, not people, Who watches our ways to give us joy. Humans will praise and reward us, if that is God’s chosen pathway for our praise and rewards to come, but only in due time. He may, though, choose to use His audible voice, instead! Or, our rewards may mostly come in the next life.

But we don’t care. It is a joy to wait upon the Lord. So we patiently seek out His will and try hard to do right, for the joy of pleasing Him, and we humbly wait for that due time, when He will, most assuredly, reward us. Because He IS a rewarder.

And for the snarky-jealous? Maybe we should find some way to give them a bit of the praise they never got during childhood?

Believe it or not!, Blessings of Habit, Health, Inspiring, Photos, Wisdom

What to Do if You Are Under a Manipulator – part 2

Posted on October 11, 2011December 18, 2015 by Katharine

Tenzin Has A Tantrum — When an adult acts like this…

Yesterday we began a list of 7 tactics a person can try, when forced to deal repeatedly with a manipulative, controlling person. Today’s post is the rest of the list. First, though, we must repeat one fact: these suggestions do not apply well to a legitimate authority who uses a manipulative management style. Now, the rest of the list:

8. Approach the controller when he least expects it. You call him, for a change. Arrange something irresistible and treat the person to a pleasant taste of his own medicine. He probably will pretend that he knew you were going to call, he was just thinking of the same idea, and will probably insist on paying his own way. Call his bluff, insist on paying, yourself, and make it the type of thing that denies him your presence unless you get a turn at running things, once in a while.

9. When you just need to get alone and cannot achieve it, witness to the controller. Ask him what the Lord has been doing in his life, lately. Ask him if he has anything really special he could share from his quiet time. If he does not claim salvation, explain his need to him in a rather aggressive way. Ask him how you can pray for him. (It would be really mean to say this if you did not mean it, though!) Either he will go away in a frenzy, or he will hear the Word and be drawn to the Lord. If he is going to insist on tying up your life, let it be time well spent. You may be surprised.

10. Pray for God’s protection from curses and negative words spoken over your life by this person.

11. If you find that you simply cannot let go of your demonic manipulator, you probably need deliverance from a co-dependent spirit. Ask your pastor. If he does not believe in deliverance, ask him why deliverance is in the Bible; why Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever; or if the devil is less evil than he once was. As you begin withdrawing from the controlling influence, you can expect to see bizarre behavior such as screaming, silence, accusations, tears, hysterical laughter, threats, weird phone calls, etc. You are probably living with some of this already. It may escalate. Try to remain unruffled. SEE IT COMING; do not say, “I didn’t even see it coming!” Make some accusations of your own, if it gets to be too much, but do not make the mistake of engaging in a verbal battle. Calm reason in the face of total absurdity usually has a powerful way of making a point.

12. If your manipulator is also your legitimate authority, realize your position means you should usually do what he says, regardless of a very horrid management style. You may escape many of the pitfalls of the manipulation by using #8 (a little), #9, and #10.

Also:
a. Commit to obey God by keeping His command to obey your governing authorities.
b. Commit your life and its outcomes to Him.
c. Re-commit yourself to trusting God’s provision. Only He can change some situations.

Living within the type of agony caused by the manipulator/controller spirit among us is a difficult assignment. I’ve been there more than once. I’ve battled the false guilt, false accusations, public embarrassment, sadness, and sheer weight of this enemy of all people.

The unhappy ones who listen to this enemy of us all and who walk in his ways need help. Until they want it enough to get it, though, we endure as best we can.

I hope this list gives you some usable tools to do what you must do under your heavy load: DO NOT BE AN ENABLER

Tomorrow (Lord willing!): Tiny Hints that YOU May Be a Marionette!

Health, Inspiring, Photos, Scripture, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Ten Ways to Spot a Manipulator a Mile Away

Posted on October 7, 2011January 20, 2015 by Katharine

Oh, don’t we all find ourselves caught in a web prepared by some manipulator, sometimes?

It can be so hard to extricate ourselves. I am sure we would love if they wore beepers, so we could walk far around them.

In a way, they do.

I would love to share about this, in hope of sparing someone out there, if possible. Following are a few of the many signs of a controller/manipulator personality:

They usually do not have their own lives under control. You know the ones–3 times the size they should be, scream at their children lots, talk too loudly, abuse substances, have barely a pathway through their overly-stuffed home, etc.
They do not delegate well, and want to be the only one able to do the job right. We wish!–Because they volunteer too much and think they are good managers, even assume bogus titles to prove it, right? They are prideful and want you to think they know everything.
They ignore you, flatter you, change the subject, or know someone ELSE it applies to, but don’t self-apply good teaching; usually can’t get the Spritual application of it.
They gossip and gripe. Gr-r-r!
They want special privileges and unnatural private time. A lot.
They are resistant to, or even terrified of, proper authority, proper control.
They are long on doctrine, short on loving understanding; they try to confuse the mind.
They can become quite angry.
They often have been deeply wounded in the past and may be driven by avoiding further hurt.
They always, always have the person they manipulate, or “own”, foremost in thought and speech.

Okay, this is the short list. There is more, but the big thing to remember is that these people feel so insecure, it is sad. They do what they do to feel more secure, usually, to try to keep everything under control and at arm’s length, to avoid pain.

Note: Just because you have a PhD in blogging, need to lose 70 pounds, like me a lot, and send me personal notes of encouragement, it does NOT mean you’re trying to manipulate me!!! Just don’t google my phone number, call me, and rant at me for an hour, and we’ll be fine! 🙂

Oh, and the mother/child relationship is different. You are supposed to devote lots to your children, cherish them, think of them always, manage their little lives, etc. Most manipulators, although they should, do not do this.

Just remember one day, when they’re grown, you will have to let go of your children. Manipulators usually do not do that, either.

To see these concepts in action in the Bible, read about the lives of King Saul and Prince Absalom, in 1 Samuel 9 through 2 Samuel 19. David’s reaction to both was mostly good.

Click here to read the next page of this series!

Inspiring, Photos, Wisdom

Weekly Photo Challenge: Broken

Posted on July 29, 2011July 30, 2011 by Katharine

Broken things lead to other broken things. They can be like dominos. An exploding lightbulb can knock over a fragile vase. A broken tree can break another tree as it falls:

broken tree breaking tree — Broken Tree Breaking Tree

These trees, near our chicken house, are probably going to fall onto the chicken yard fence and break it, too. Ever try to bend or move a tree? Think of the extreme power in a falling tree that it can bend, and even break, a tree near it.

When we humans break, we need to be careful how we fall. We have the above type of power over our fellow man, sometimes.

But look at this:

This poor old tree, though obviously having seen better days, someone has mended in hopes it will last a bit longer. I like its pluck. See how it seems to be trying to dance with the grasses?

May we all try to copy it!

Inspiring, Sayings, Wisdom

Weekly Photo Challenge: Red

Posted on May 14, 2011May 14, 2011 by Katharine

SATURDAY SAYINGS: RED

red — " . . . like a Red Rubber Ball . . . "

If all hearts were open and all desires known–as they would be if people showed their souls–how many gapings, sighings, clenched fists, knotted brows, broad grins, and red eyes should we see in the marketplace. –Thomas Hardy

If I can sell tickets to my movies like Red Sonja . . . you know I can sell just about anything. –Arnold Schwartznegger

And waving our red weapons o’er our heads, let’s all cry, “Peace, freedom, and liberty . . . ” –Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Give her two red roses, each with a note. In the first note say, “For the woman I love,” and the second, “For my best friend.” –Unknown

The Lewis and Clark Expidition began on this day, in 1804.