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Seven Reasons Why Your Christian Husband Can’t Do Better – Part 5

Posted on October 28, 2011 by Katharine

Reason # 5

He Is Under Demonic Control

No, I don’t mean your husband is necessarily communicating with demons, but others are serving the enemy by trying to take over his life. Does this seem impossible?

Solution # 5: To beat this tricky problem, realize that only God has the right to issue authority. He is the ultimate Authority and controls the entire universe His way. Exodus 15:18 If you can’t understand this principle, learn it soon, because it is vital to joy and peace in the Lord.

How could your husband fall out of line with God’s authority, although he claims to love the Lord?

Does he have a parent who tells him what, how, or when? (He should have left them when he cleaved to you.)

Does a “friend” lean heavily upon him for help, advice, entertainment, or other time-consumers? (He is missing time with his family and his God.)

Does his work situation demand his constant early arrival and late departure? (Although his boss is a legitimate authority, perhaps he needs a new job.)

Is he in crippling debt? Has he made a contract, or agreement (covenant) with the unGodly? He needs to get out, very quickly, if at all possible.

The above are examples of avenues for demonic control.

A Christian man is supposed to be a uniquely sovereign entity, subject only to the Lord and His delegated ones (Matthew 4:10). The enemy, unable to reach him directly, has used someone else to do the job.

What can you do? Not much, unless you consider prayer the catalyst for most of the changes in God’s Kingdom.

Pray with all your might that your husband will have grace to see that only God—or His delegated authorities—should stand over his shoulder, consuming his energies, planning his days and nights. Don’t try to tell, teach, nor command him to do so, though. Pray and wait upon the Lord.

Only, ONLY if your husband asks should you offer insight. Only if he asks should you explain or request a change.

In one area, though, you can do much to affect a change and set your husband free to become God’s man: the realm of your own control over your husband, which is not supposed to happen. HE is God’s legitimate authority over YOU, not vice-versa.

Your husband’s desires or needs should plan your day, not vice-versa.

Your husband should choose the lifestyle you both attempt, not vice-versa.

Maybe your husband came from a matriarchal home, and expects you to dominate him. He may have no idea you desire him to lead. Has it been too easy to take over where your mother-in-law left off, controlling the little boy who barely guesses at the possibility of manhood? As a keeper-at-home, do you enjoy being the authority of this small kingdom, in exchange for a larger one in the business world? Do you like having your way so handily?

Do you have a puppet husband?

If so, repent. You have participated; you have contributed. No amount of explanation will change him, especially at first. The best thing is to submit. Send the children to him for decisions and do not argue. Ask his advice and do not argue. Do not whine. Do not bring it up again when you think he is in a better mood. Do not make that face that only you and he know is an argument, all by itself.

Only when he asks is it time to explain, to confess, and to cry. Before the idea births in him is too early. Just decrease so he can increase. Let him scale a height or two and catch a glimpse of the vision, first.

Otherwise, you risk molding for yourself a nice, authoritative-appearing puppet. What you really want is that God would mold you a real man.

I often wondered how someone like Eve or Sarai could talk someone like Adam or Abram into acting against the amazing revelations they received. (Gen. 3:6, 16:2) Or, how about Rebekah?

Then, when I am honest, I know how it happened. I have seen my fingerprints on God’s clay before. It only takes a look, a sigh, a tear…a little silence correctly placed. You know, too.

Take your hands off the clay and let God work. God is the potter, not you. It’ll take time. It may take a lifetime. This may be your real reason for living. Did God choose you for the highly Spiritual work of tooling a man out of clay? Lie down, then, and be a tool ready, and in His easy reach.

_________________________

Image via Wikipedia

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Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Can’t Do Better – Part 4

Posted on October 27, 2011October 26, 2011 by Katharine

Reason #4

His Wife Practices Witchcraft

If this concept is new to you, it will be hard. Nevertheless, it is truth. You want the truth, I know. You want your husband to overcome. Reality is very important. If you are practicing witchcraft, you are opening the door to all the demons of hell to have their way with you and your family. You may not have heard of this before, but it’s in your Bible. You need to question why you’ve never heard of it.

Solution #4: Of course, the answer is to stop, confess, repent, renounce, and never look back. Let’s begin with the obvious, and this is not a complete list:

If you are now, or ever have done horoscopes, D&D, Ouija, etc., then you must stop.
Read occult fiction? Stop.
Watch occult movies? Stop.
Demonic computer games? Stop.
“Into” Indian religions? Stop.
TM, yoga, ninja, jujitsu, karate, etc., all have to go.
Own pagan statuary? It is an offense to God.

Throw all this, and any similar trash, into a big pile and burn it. Yes, burn it. Find people to pray with you. Find friends who believe God about what He said on these matters to explain to you: How much he meant what He said!

It’s an emergency. There is no time or room for arguing about this. You are in danger. Get help. You’ll love being free.

If you are thinking how good you are to be so free, you are the primary target of this post, because you do understand. So, look at one verse of Scripture, 1 Samuel 15:23: “For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.” Is the Lord already speaking to your heart?

Dear Sister, if you are rebelling against your husband’s leading, you are opening the door to witchcraft in your home. I know this is a heart-breaking Word, if you’re taking it seriously. Please, take it seriously. You are playing with fire.

When your husband expresses his will and your thoughts turn rebellious, you’re rebelling against God, similar to Saul. Your excuses are sounding like Saul’s. It doesn’t matter if your husband seems mistaken. It doesn’t matter if you are expert at the subject about which he reserves judgment. It doesn’t matter if his decisions are untimely, or even waste time. Nothing else matters if witchcraft is in the home. How unfair to expect good decisions from a man living alongside witchcraft!

The first move is up to you, no matter what your husband has done. Go to God and repent. Weep and wail for the misery that has and will overcome you. Then apologize to your husband. After that, you must commit the rest of your life to walk in submission to God, through your husband.

If you see you’ve caused the problem, do whatever you must to stop. How can anyone survive, spiritually, living within an invitation to witchcraft? Close the door to the enemy and watch your husband begin to walk freer. Watch your children begin to walk freer. Watch them begin to understand submission and submit more freely to you.

The enemy will hate this move. He’ll batter the windows of your soul with storms you never dreamed of. Don’t be afraid: fear is another storm to make you give up. Don’t give up. Close the windows. Walk in love for your Savior and for your husband. Love will give you bravery. Ask God to perfect your love for Him, and your family. His love will tame the raging rebellion lion. Then you’ll experience one of my favorite Scriptures: Ps 85:10 Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.

It sounds so good, doesn’t it? It is good. It is the peace that passes all understanding, dwelling in your heart, your home, and your life—worth any price. Invite the Prince of Peace into your existence. You will never be sorry you did.

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Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Can’t Do Better – Part 3

Posted on October 26, 2011October 27, 2011 by Katharine

Reason #3

He Is in Bondage

What does this mean?

Just as it sounds, he has cords, chains tied around his life and he is unable to escape from his sins. They pursue him, overtake him, enslave him. He tries to understand. He explains to himself, rehearsing what he will say if confronted, all to very little avail. It is a rut. He is stuck, tortured, crippled. There seems to be no way out. The power of God over sin seems to be for everyone else.

Solution #3: How does this happen? Sometimes (most times) this condition in someone who claims Christ, comes from unforgiveness.

In Matthew 6:15 the Lord tells us that God’s people must forgive others to receive forgiveness from the Father. The man holding others in unforgiveness places himself in grave spiritual danger. He shows that even greater sin lies dormant within himself, awaiting a moment to manifest. He proves his need for the grace of God while risking forfeiture of that grace. In fact, he refuses grace.

Failing to go for grace when he is needy, he becomes enslaved. It is such a potential for great loss.

There is little you can do if your husband’s unforgiveness is plaguing your marriage. If he is sinning, you can hardly stop sinning for him. Your patience and prayers are the best you can give.

It’s a different story, though, if the wife is holding him in bondage through her unforgiveness. In Matthew 16:19, we find that if a Christian forgives someone, he is forgiven in God’s eyes. God gives us that authority. This means that when your husband is going too fast on the highway, you can forgive him and free him to receive grace to conquer lawlessness. When he overeats, you can forgive him and free him to receive grace to conquer gluttony. When he neglects to pay bills, you can forgive him and free him to receive grace to conquer laziness.

This makes an enormous difference.

Hard to believe? Look at the Apostle Paul. When he called himself “Saul”, he was one of the Romans who helped kill Christians, hardly a small sin, hardly something you could forgive if you found it in your husband. Yet, Stephen forgave Saul, freeing him for his future. Read about it in Acts 7:58 – 9:1. It really happened: A Godly person forgave the unforgivable. He released the sinner to receive Christ’s ministry and become Christ’s minister. What Stephen forgave on this earth was forgiven in heaven. Stephen was like Jesus in his death.

We are called to be like Christ. That is what the word “Christian” means. If Jesus Christ could love and forgive you when you were His enemy, if Stephen could forgive his murderous enemy, how much more should we be willing to forgive the husband of our heart, our beloved, the one we chose to share this life with!

This two-sided commission also gives us authority to hold a man to his sin, to hold him in bondage. Before we shrug this off, remember that if a husband is bound to a sin, the wife is too, because we are bound to them in marriage. Taking this lightly is dangerous because God takes it seriously. You bind your husband to his sin, yourself to him, your children to you both, to the third and fourth generations of them that hate the Lord. Hate is a strong word, but Jesus said it: You cannot serve two masters. You love only one and hate the other. Whomever you serve, is your master. If you serve the god of unforgiveness, I fear for your family.

There is one more fearful facet to this truth: If you hold your daddy in unforgiveness, binding him to his sin, you need to realize you are bound to him, too, as his daughter. Are you seeing some of his same sins in your husband or in your children? Is it beginning to make sense? Forgiveness IS the key, just as God said. The joyful thing is: you hold the key.

Matthew 16:18-19

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Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Can’t Do Better – Part 2

Posted on October 25, 2011October 24, 2011 by Katharine

Reason #2 – He Has Been Cursed

I’m sticking my neck out, here. Stay with me.

The truth is that our husbands face many draining words in the course of a normal day;

Those nagging words you speak: “Why can’t you remember a thing I say?!”
Those foretelling words his mother always spoke: “Darling, you know Mother wants you to avoid all the mistakes your father made!”
Those fiery words from the boss: “Herman, you just HAVE to shape up!”

All these words can work as curses with bad effects. They cause him to dwell on and believe in his faults, real or imagined, and to take his eyes off the Author and Finisher of his faith. These words tell him he is not good enough and perhaps never will be. He can easily sink into depression or despair instead of standing against the enemy.

Solution #2: Pray to break word curses spoken over your husband. Try this for a morning prayer: “In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I break every curse and negative word spoken over my husband, (name). I declare every curse and negative word spoken over my husband to be broken and null and void in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Father, I ask you to put a hedge of protection around my husband’s soul and to guard and protect him from the evil one’s attacks.”

Then stop cursing him. Bless him. We are called to be a blessing, so…be one!

If you had a female roommate, would she stay with you if you talked to her the way you talk to and about your husband? Just because someone is bound to stay with you, by an oath before God, as your husband is, is no reason to take advantage of it and be mean. Tell him how much you appreciate something about him. Tell him you love him, but make it obvious, too.

Do not stop at speaking blessings, be a blessing.

Fix his favorite food, sometimes, just for him, even if it is barely this side of edible. One fried chicken dinner with gravy will go far in saying, “You matter to me,” even if you hope your kids grow up vegetarian. Create a space or two inside his “castle” where things are done his way, where he can feel like he’s at least part owner.

This also goes for when he is not present. Your friends are not being true if they are tempting you in the “roast hubby” game. Look at the Song of Solomon to see how the bride described her groom . . . all the girlfriends wanted to check him out by the time she finished! Your husband isn’t that perfect? Her husband worshiped idols and she likely had no choice in whom she married. How would you like that?

Yet her attitude was godly as ours should be, too.

Maybe you grew up in a matriarchal home.

Maybe you never even considered that your attitude and words could be adding to your problems.

Ask God’s forgiveness. Ask your husband’s forgiveness.

Then walk purely, as a blessing.

Or you cannot expect him to.

All you can expect, then, is bad attitudes in your children, and in your children’s children . . .

__________________

Image by xcode via Flickr

Believe it or not!, Husbands, Inspiring, Photos, Scripture, Wisdom, Wives

Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Can’t Do Better – Part 1

Posted on October 24, 2011October 27, 2011 by Katharine

I’ve caught a bit of a cold and thought I’d take a break by re-posting a series from about a year ago. It is loaned to me from a friend who first published it in a now out-of-print magazine. Hope you enjoy it.

A man is supposed to be a container for the essence of God. He is supposed to be beautiful in his calling to contain the Almighty. There is nothing sadder than an emotionally broken, bruised, wounded, torn, scarred, weak, limping man. It should break your heart and make you cry every time you hear of one.

It breaks Jesus’ heart.

Your husband’s childhood already did enough to hurt your man. It’s time to give him a break. For God’s sake, love him. Give him space to heal.

And take it easy on your sons.

Reason Number 1

He Is not Saved

I know, I know; we said he’s a Christian. He says he’s a Christian. Everybody, especially you, hopes he’s a Christian, but what IS a Christian?

Is it someone who claims to be a Christian?

The Word promises nothing to people who merely claim to be Christian.

All the promises of God are for those who admit sin, repent, are born again, love and obey God, love the brethren, have the Spirit of Christ Jesus in them, etc. If he is not walking by the Spirit, maybe he is not Spiritual, not born again.

Maybe, unknowingly, he is an impostor.

Solution #1 Pray him into the kingdom. Forgive him.

Stop expecting him to be able to achieve Godliness. Forgive him.

Be scrupulously careful about always submitting to him. Forgive him.

Love him for who he was meant to be. Forgive him.

Hurt with him in his lost misery. Forgive him.

Stop taking his actions so personally. Forgive him.

Beg God for grace in this time of need to minister unto him. Forgive him.

Smile more. Forgive him.

Cry out to God. Fast. Wait upon the Lord.

Be sure not to mistake occasional lapses for lostness. Most people sin. You sin. I sin.

Be sure you are more concerned with his soul than with your reputation. What will your friends think if you have an unsaved husband? Better ask what God will think if you never solicit prayer on your husband’s behalf! Make sure someone is praying for him (not for you/about him.) It will not dishonor him to tell the truth about his lost soul to sisters who are older and are true prayer warriors. Pray down the only help there is for the lost and undone.

Do not think about self in this problem. Pray constantly. Pray for him when you fold his socks, when you pack his lunch, when you wash out his bathtub. Face the truth with the joy that comes from knowing that half the work is done when we see what to do.

Have you always wished you could go to the mission field?

Maybe you are there.

Do not let your disappointment about your marriage cause you to treat your husband with any less respect or joy than you would give to the heathen in some far off country.

However you arrived in the situation within which you find yourself, remember: God saw and knew all the things you didn’t. Stop now, and re-assess your life and its meaning before God. Be kind to the provider that God has provided for you.

Never forget that your service to your husband is to be as unto the Lord. Strive to make him as happy and pleased as you can. Who else, but a wonderful Christian like you, can truly serve and comfort anyone, anyway? Serve. Be a comfort. Win him with kindness and forgiveness.

Take hope.

Be strong and courageous.

Do not fear.

God is with you.

*Image by mrhayata via Flickr

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The Keys in the Car Caper

Posted on September 24, 2011November 18, 2013 by Katharine

keys to your kingdom — Take your keys with you!

“You can tell it any way you want to, but you did it.”

Those were my husband’s parting words to me, administered with an ornery grin.

Oh yeah. I did it.

I went to town (partly to run errands for him) and when I accidentally left my keys in the car, I also accidentally locked it.

It’s one of those newer models and the guys in the auto parts store apologized that they were scared to try to help with it.

It would have made a good Lucy Ball episode.

Except — these days we have cell phones. I could call my husband and plead insanity and he would come help me.

Except — he wasn’t in the house. So I unknowingly woke our night-shift working daughter. Ooh, I was so sorry about that. She had no idea where her dad was, she mumbled to me, but would find him for me and he would come and help me.

Except — when he got back to the house from tending chickens, he learned he also had accidentally left his keys in the car I had taken to town. He remembered and found the valet key he had stashed wherever guys keep valet keys, borrowed our daughter’s car, and came to my rescue.

Meanwhile, I had gone across the street to get a cup of coffee and had shared my end of the story with the kind waitress. She was so sympathetic, she gave me her pen to cheer me up.

By now, as I feared, the whole town knows about our keys, the only excitement we’ve had for at least a week, but I have learned a new level of cherishing thankfulness for this tiny town where the parts guys contemplated helping and the coffee waitress gave me her pen.

And that’s how I want to tell it.

And I did not do quite all of it.

Husbands, Inspiring, Scripture, Wisdom, Womanhood

Friendship Hierarchy

Posted on September 17, 2011October 25, 2018 by Katharine

A Conclusion

Jesus, while on this earth, befriended thousands, among them:

120 who believed in Him, followed Him – Acts 1:15

72 who did ministry for Him – Luke 10:1, 17

12 whom He discipled, whom He called “friends” – Mark 3:14

3 whom He granted more insight and understanding – Mark 5:37, 9:2, 14:33

AND

The one whom He loved, who leaned upon Him at meals, to whom He entrusted His last revelation.
John 13:33, 21:7, 20, Revelation 1:1-2

What is a best friend?

Oh, if only we all could be perfect friends! What a world it would be!

But it is not.

The day may come, though, when each of us can realize, “My friend is as close to me as myself. I love this friend like my own life. She is the best friend a person could ever be.”

“Best” friends have existed from the beginning of recorded history. Words for “best friend” appear in many languages. The ancient Hebrew word was alluph meaning “guide, chief friend”. The Greeks grasped this idea, too, with their word peitho meaning “persuade, trust, confidence”. The words appear in Proverbs 16:28, 17:9 and Acts 12:20, where it mentions a man who is “trusted personal servant of the king”.

You know, the one who saddles his horse, pours his wine, and hands him his clothing; the one who stores his seal, adjusts his armor, and sleeps in his doorway. No one gets past this man because he loves his king more than his own life. The king has hand-picked him because of his loyalty. Many may want the job, may even attack the servant with gossip, because of jealousy, but the king has final say and this man is it.

This closest friend has free access to your soul, can tell you off or kiss your cheek without blame. It is the duty and privilege of this closest friend.

You would trust this friend to discipline your own children, to manage your estate, to give you a sponge bath if you had a fever. You would trust this friend to talk you into or out of a huge decision.

You would tell this friend first, if you sinned a huge sin. The wrong person in this slot could completely destroy you.

Pure trust. Pure friendship. It happens once in a lifetime for some, never for others.

No one, no one, should enter into this type of friendship lightly. Such trust must always be earned.

Such trust is not always mutual. One friend may trust more than the other because of differences in caution levels, need levels, or past hurts. Even lack of time can cause one to forego such friendship.

Sometimes it is fleeting. Two men trapped in a fallen mine shaft may trust each other in this way until they are rescued, when those golden hours become a golden memory of the highest humanity can be.

Sometimes we must trust medical professionals this way, for a brief time, and, of course, sometimes that forced trust can seem very awkward.

What joy that for some women, such a friendship develops inside marriage! Many women, though, may feel they need one female friend of nearly equal status to the husband, just to have someone with whom they can discuss the pitfalls and surprises of marriage to a man.

For some of us, our own mothers can be this type of friend. For some of us, our mothers must rely upon us in this manner.

Jonathan risked his life to save David’s. Nehemiah was cupbearer to the king. My sister was my mother’s executrix. Pure trust, rightly placed, is a precious gift.

If you find that opportunity, take it.

Take it very slowly.