I used to live near a sweet and cheery lady named Joi. She and her husband were quite poor, he being a sacker in a grocery and both of them trying hard to earn college degrees, with four children in a two-bedroom house.Joi and I were friends and she was a constant amazement to me. She made every meal from scratch and did home canning. She crocheted doilies, sewed quilts, even ran soy beans through her blender to make soy milk. And then turned it into ice cream.
Somehow she had an abundance of cheer to compensate for all she did not have. Somehow, before the age of computers, she knew all about the health truth about oleo and butter. Before the age of herbal renaissance, she knew all about herbs. She played piano beautifully, taught piano lessons, and played for her church. I always felt somehow behind when I would visit her house.
Eventually she and her husband completed their degrees and moved to where the jobs were. I regret having lost touch with her, but in a way, I still feel the touch of Joi’s cheer in my life.
When it was my birthday, she visited me with a huge surprise. Humble and sweet, just like Joi, no gift could have made me happier that day. Wrapped in a towel was a huge loaf of warm, homemade bread. I had never seen any bread so big, and later learned she actually used the dough for two loaves and placed them into one bread pan. What a gift! Along with it, she brought a large bag of her own spinach, perfectly washed and grit-free.
We loved that sweet gift to pieces, literally. Every slice of the bread was a marvel of deliciousness and the spinach made a great addition to our supper that night. You may think it was an odd gift, but she knew what it means to think before you give something, and we recognized the rarity of it and the loving care that went into it. Imagine washing and washing all that spinach and then giving it away! Imagine the aromas of homemade bread floating through your house, but the bread going to someone else’s house.
The illness my husband and I have shared has hit him much lighter than me. He is nearly well. I have coughed until it hurts my sides and I get a headache.
I guess it is just as well he is progressing so quickly, as he is making a trip to visit his dad today. He has wanted to do this for some time and has waited until just the right moment. The time is now. I will not be going along, due to the probability that I am still contagious. And still tired.
Although I managed to do laundry yesterday, I had to rest between each task. More strength does not always equal more energy. At least I’m not dizzy anymore. I am so glad of that!
I have thought lots about how I feel I’m under attack from the enemy and how my being sick just gives him such pleasure. I have wished for a miraculous healing. That would be just superb, in my opinion, to shake this disease in a moment. I would love that. But it’s not manifesting, here.
So all I know to do is be patient, let my body and the meds do their work. Then I think: The enemy also hates patience, so if I practice patience then I am defeating him, again. The body is miraculous in its ability to fight off disease, absolutely without parallel in this world of many wonders.
So I will keep plugging along, keep trying for patience, keep boosting my God-given immunities with antibiotics, antihistamines, and antitussives; hot teas and lemonades; cough drops and cough drops and cough drops. The day will come. It will.
Usually, if I talk on this subject, I ask everyone who has ever suffered unfair treatment to raise his hand.
This is not about illness, but about medical error. This is not about car wrecks, but about DUI. Ever suffer from either of those? This is not about miscarriages, but about forced abortions—I know you are out there.
If you have never suffered from someone mistreating you, then I KNOW you know someone else who has so suffered. It is altogether common.
I want to begin addressing it and giving you tools to help yourself or help that acquaintance. Someone you know needs this post and the ones that will follow, so listen up and spread the word.
Why Does Suffering Come to Us?
1. God. Common folks blame the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. (Why do we never blame any other presumed gods?!) But those who blame Him must first believe that He exists, so if you claim atheism or agnosticism, do NOT let it be because you blame what you consider a non-existent entity. Is that fair? Of course.
So if we believe He exists, if we believe He is “up there” to be blamed, then the main way we can know anything about Him is to consult His writings.
In His writings, we find that He made everything very good. Not messed up, like it is now.
It. Is. Not. His. Fault.
2. Man. God gave man choices, Life and Death, and we chose death. So here we are. He TOLD us, for our own good, what to do and we did the opposite, did not obey. Even today, even those who think maybe there is a God, even those who claim to love Him totally, do not always obey and thereby choose death. Admit it.
And what a lie, today, that the only way to be pro-choice is to choose death! Really, we do NOT think!
However, the only way God’s creation can work well, is if every part is working together, just like a motor or a body. Anything wonky messes up everything. We must fall in line with His business plan if we hope to benefit from all His goodness.
Many people do not line up with Him. They line up with His enemy, instead. This is the constant battle between good and evil. Helping the hurting. Protecting the innocent. Guarding the airports. It is a constant battle—even inside ourselves—to make any good thing happen, because of the constant attack on all things good.
3. Satan. According to the words of the God we are tentatively agreeing might exist, Satan hates God and all things good. So—he hates all creation. He personally hates every human being because they are all potential containers for God, his chosen enemy. He especially hates firstborn children, because they remind him of Jesus. Are you a firstborn? Ever notice anything?
To give himself significance, Satan thinks he must fight God. Steal! Kill! Destroy!—that is his motto. And his secret formula is to get man to join him. Anything he can do to trick man into cooperating with him, he will do, if he can. Anything to cause thievery, death, destruction will suit him just fine.
So, if you are not a Christian, you truly could say, “The devil made me do it.” But it doesn’t get anyone off the hook . . . .
Okay, all this was introduction. Tomorrow we begin the main deal and you won’t want to miss it, so sign up, so you won’t forget!
I can’t exactly call them cherry tomatoes, although they are of that variety. Trouble is, cherries are red.
But these are cheer, personified. I planted them beside my front porch because they would be yellow and everything in the front of our house is yellow, from the roses, to the foundation plantings.
Happy Fruits
As you can see, the vines have become bedraggled, as is normal for all annual type plants in fall. What you cannot see is how much better they look than they did even a week ago. I mourned all the promising green fruits because I thought they were dying. Maybe they were.
But they did not give up. They eventually received some rain and the temps are so much milder, now, these poor South American natives can finally breathe and reproduce! Like the “Little Engine That Could” they thought they could until they did.
I love how the most hope-giving mottos of life are from the Bible: “Do not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season, ye shall reap, if ye faint not.” (Galatians 6:9)
How many times have I held on because of those words! How many times have I not wanted to forgive, but did, anyway. How many times have I feared, but followed through; have I reached out, tended to, lent a hand, smiled, listened, when I really wanted to go my own way.
How many times have I offered to help and been handed something too hard, something I then had to learn how to do, because, after all, I offered? And then I learned more than I knew was possible for me to grasp. And my life became richer. And my thanksgiving became more sincere. And my love became deeper.
Let’s keep on keeping on. Let’s not give up. Let’s “faint not”.
The trying of your faith worketh patience. (James 1:3)
Could this be happening to you? To your husband? To your marriage?
Yes.
In fact, you hope this happens in your lives, because the Scripture also tells us, “Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” (Hebrews 12:6) The Lord’s favor, thus expressed, can come in almost any form. Everyone may not always react rightly.
Solution #7: Rejoice always, pray constantly, and give thanks in all circumstances. This is the will of the Lord in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) This is truth.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not believe God originally intended anything for His children except lots of pleasant fruit eating and gardening. Things changed, though. We do not live precisely where He originally intended, and the choice was ours. We get a foretaste of Heaven when we fellowship with the Lord, but everyone knows a foretaste is like a little kiss when compared to full knowledge. It is very good, but not all there is. This is where we are.
The facts are, tough stuff happens to everyone who is still on this earth. We find ourselves in the midst of people who react incorrectly.
This one forgets to love, that one has lost joy, another will not give you any peace. Perhaps you become impatient. Gentleness flies out the window. Someone has a wicked opinion, doubts, pride, or just decides to “let ‘er rip”. Any one of these acts could be your specialty. Any could be mine.
Any could be your husband’s.
So how could your husband’s poor record, if it is related to testing, be working for good? Is he learning about himself or about the Lord’s grace, however painfully? Are you learning new depths of patience? If you overreact, is he forgiving? Are you? Are your children learning about the mysterious union between Christ and the Church by watching the two of you wade through troubles?
Think about it: You trust God. You believe He loves you. You have committed your ways unto Him. How could this be anything except His will, His desire for you to learn, to grow, or to improve?
It is worth it. Knowing Jesus more fully is worth any price. Paul said he wanted to know Him and the fellowship of His suffering. (Philippians 3:10a) Do you? If you do, it will be all right with you if Jesus teaches you. Then, if you become like your Teacher, it is enough. (Matthew 10:24-25)
Sometimes, God wants to show you how His heart is breaking over sin. So He will show you sin. If you run away from a lesson and hole up at home, He will continue the lesson at home. Yes, you should be a home-keeper, but if forced, He can bring any lesson very close.
Sometimes God wants you to learn how to pray. Then you may need something to pray about, for none of us inherently desires to spend time at His feet. Some wives have to see generational sin before they will get busy. If you realize new layers of maturity you need, what is holding you back?
Sometimes the Lord wants to carry you in His arms like a little lamb. (Isaiah 40:11) If you are more like a big goat, you may need a short time of “weakening”. King David said before he was afflicted, he did not understand the goodness of the Lord. (Psalm 119: 67-75) Are you like him? Do you need trouble, now and then, to remember to drink of the sweet, clear water of salvation? We all need Jesus all the time, so a reminder, now and then, is good.
Is it dreary to think of it? Yes, Scripture says all discipline is unpleasant. (Hebrews 12:11) But later…oh, later! Who could pay you to give up the peaceful fruit of righteousness? What would be your price? If you could trade a life of ease for a righteous life, would you?
He will not let you.
The Potter is softening the clay. The Vine-Husbandman is pruning the fruitful vine. The Father is disciplining the precious child. You want to escape that?
No. You want to flow with the ride like a skillful horseman, leaning into the jumps in the race. If you fall off, you want to get back on. You are riding a Champion, Who will take you to the finish line. You will win. YOU WILL WIN!
Once there was a storm. Eleven people cowered in a boat, but one stepped out—into the arms of Jesus. (Matthew 14:29)
The man living to please his wife is afraid. He won’t measure up. He’ll make a mistake. He’s sure of it.
Candle in the Window (Photo credit: Chris Campbell)
How did he get this way? Probably, he suffered at the hands of his parents.
However, he gets no relief from kicking himself unless he knows you’re happy, and convincing him of your happiness can be hard. His service to you goes beyond Christian charity. Face it: You are an idol in his life. He’ll likely fail to do much for the Lord unless he takes his eyes off you, turns around, and looks to Jesus.
Solution #6: How do you dance with a man who won’t lead? How tempting simply to express your opinion, let him fulfill your will, and live it up!
Yes, it is.
Is that Godly?
No, it is not.
God wants you to be a helper, fit for him, but he is afraid. He fears losing you, failing you, displeasing you…he fears YOU!
The fear of man (or woman) is a snare. God wants him to stand, throw off this fear, know the voice of Jesus, and walk in the light.
The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.
It’s not your fault. Someone has done this to him, but you suffer, too. Someone has broken, squashed, or grated on your man, when he was a little boy. To him, anything would be worse than your displeasure. Somehow, someone has to undo this wrong.
The hard part is dying to yourself. If your husband had a physical handicap, you’d never think of tripping him when he walked. You’d gladly fetch his cane, rub liniment, or whatever, to help him heal.
Instead, his affliction is emotional. The things that trip him are the everyday nuances of personality that anyone else can bear. A pout, a sigh, or a frown make you appear to be unhappy. He is alarmed. He quizzes you. You resent it. He feels shut out. You feel helpless. It never ends.
You are in a powerful position, though, to minister healing in the name of Jesus.
You can convince him that it would please you most for him to ask God’s will instead of seeking yours. He will not be easy to convince.
You can encourage him to go ahead and risk making a mistake. He will despair over it, even in his sleep.
You can accept him, blunders, and all. He will be awaiting your rejection, instead.
He wants you to be his Light that shows him the way each day. God wants you to be the light in the window to draw him back home each night.
You can assure him that you will love him for a lifetime, no matter what. If it takes a lifetime, it truly does not matter. It is do-able. Minister acceptance to your husband and you will be an instrument in God’s hand to help him stand tall in the acceptance that is his in Jesus Christ. You will become the helper he needs, a helper that is fit for him, his helpmeet.
If he were a missionary, he would need a missionary helpmeet. If he were a lawyer, he would need a helpmeet who could maneuver in society. If he were poor, he would need a helpmeet who could follow a budget. If he were lame, he would need a helpmeet who could endure the smell of liniment.
Instead of these requirements, your husband needs mending. He needs time. He needs smiles. He needs space. Above all, he needs to know of your love on a daily, or even hourly basis. Tell him, show him, and prove to him, many times over, that you love him. Never think that now, finally, you have convinced him.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (Proverbs 31:11) So says Scripture of the good wife. It then lists the benefits the good wife provides for her husband so that he need not venture out for them. You can provide cheer, comfort, love, and acceptance for him. He need not look beyond your lovely face for hope. You can show him, even be for him the love of Jesus manifested into his life. You can help him see the hope that lies in Jesus.
Listen to this conversation between a married couple from Scripture: “We are doomed to die!” he said to his wife. “We have seen God!” But his wife answered, “If the LORD had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt offering and grain offering from our hands, nor shown us all these things or now told us this.” Can you see the way Samson’s mother tried to instill hope and joy into the heart of her husband, who was relating to good tidings from a basis of fear?
You can do the same. You can help your husband love God and look to Him for guidance. You can help him learn to trust in the love of God. You can help him relax in the presence of God. You can be good tidings, in his life. He will begin to trust you. He will join your children in rising up to call you blessed. He will begin to praise you. He will feel safe.
Home's Cool! 