“Most of the answers left me not only saddened, but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.”
So began a tale that ends much more peacefully, and begins here. Read and enjoy.
A toddler in a ball pit. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The Prescott Family Home (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I posted two fun posts awhile back, hereand here, but they always bothered me. I think maybe I allowed the posts to get off the point. Perhaps I even mistakenly pointed it in the wrong direction.
I wrote about motherhood, about whether we do anything or not, about pay, about respect, and tried to do so in a humorous way.
From this distance, though, I am beginning to think a tiny bit differently, and that tiny shift can make a big difference.
The whole topic is not about motherhood, as we joked. It is not about pay or even about volunteerism. I have just realized it is not even about work.
If I confused anyone, I am sorry. Pretty sure it was my fault.
So What’s It About?
It is about WHERE we work.
Those who loaf at a polished desk are counted in the work force if that polished desk is not at home.
Those who stay actively busy for 20 out of 24 hours, producing, advancing society, trying to improve life for everyone they touch, are not counted in the work force, if they do all this at home.
This is really, truly, about the destruction and devaluation of the home, and, guilty by association, the stay-at-home woman.
Go home. If you do, you will finally grasp what life is all about.
A sweet mom has asked how to know if she is doing well when her toddler acts up and is rowdy and loud in public, far worse than in the home. Should she even THINK of homeschooling if this is the best she can do?
Here is my answer. You can add to it in the comments, if you like. Two heads are better than one, right?
_________________
Wow. I love your honesty! You definitely will make it through this if you keep on being honest with yourself. Good job. And being quiet is SUCH a good goal for the child. It has saved many a family during Gestapo raids.
The answer is manifold. Let’s ask a few questions to narrow in down, okay?
First, is he a sick-o?
Be sure your two-year-old is physically able to do what you desire.
How?
Take care of his health, for one thing. If he is full of sugar and artificial ingredients, you are asking the impossible. If he is not getting enough sleep, who wouldn’t act up under his circumstances? Is he hungry? Is he teething? Does he have a cold?
Any time your physical well-being would normally tempt you to be grumpy and non-compliant, you can figure a “two” will give in to such temptation.
Think of baby Moses. Scripture tells us, “The babe wept.” What does it say about the unregenerate princess who fished him out? “She had compassion on him.” That’s what their little meltdowns are for–to cause us to take notice when they have a trouble they cannot communicate with words. (Read Exodus 2.)
It is only natural for an untrained child to act up. That’s why God gave them parents. And yes, it is your job, not that of the state. Of course, eventually you do not want him acting like a two-year-old. Eventually, say, when he is 10, you expect him to communicate his sore throat or headache or hunger pangs, but when they are two, their showing out can be life saving.
Second, have you taught him he should act wrong?
We have had a couple or little ones who were more fidgety. It really showed up in church. We always made our children stay with us during the sermon. It is a wonderful chance for the parents to teach the children to sit still and be quiet. We would let them draw or color, have a Cheerio or two now and then, fold up the bulletin, change laps from Mom to Dad occasionally, “read” the hymnal, play quietly with quiet toys, or sleep. Not much else.
If they balked or fussed, we took them out for a moment to adjust attitude, then brought them right back in and expected improvement.
People thought we were cruel, at first, keeping them out of the nursery and children’s church (although we KNOW that’s where all our colds come from) but later they saw the fruit and praised us. It was not cruelty, anyway, not with Cheerios, paper and pencil, toys, hugs, a lap to sleep on, etc. No, it was loving, caring teaching.
We don’t believe in children’s church, by the way, because it divides families during the most important time of the week.
Are you asking him to pass the test before he takes the course?
You can do most of the teaching at home. You can have a fun game called “practice being quiet”. Set it up however you think would work, and set a timer for a short, short time–like 15 seconds–then practice.
Make it fun. It can include rice “sand” play, coloring, play dough, or any other quiet activity.
Reward him with something you don’t mind him having, and that he likes a lot, such as apple chunks or pretzels or whatever suits your idea of acceptable dietary stuff. Also reward with praise and with telling him how proud Gramma or Daddy will be he is learning to sit quietly. Make it normal and fun, with toys, or whatever, but REQUIRE QUIET SITTING. If he fails, you can start the timer over a bit later, or just let him know you’re disappointed and try again later in the day. Do this daily or even twice daily. Gradually lengthen the time until you can tell him to sit quietly for a while with a timer going, like 30 minutes, with plenty of quiet things to do, and it works.
The reason public schooled children can sit and be quiet is the teachers practice “crowd control”, which is a wicked form of manipulation. No kidding, they learn how to make robots out of children in college, I guess. It is the NEA’s preparation for controlling them all their lives, for taking over the world and being the ones at the top, they think.
It will not work, actually demonstratively is not working, and has not worked in the past, but they think this time they will be different and actually succeed. That’s why they fight home schooling.
We train our children to be individuals–not robots–to respond to proper authority, which the P.S. is not. Peer pressure at that age is astounding, and it is not our goal, with our children.
Believe me. Those kids know they are being watched and assessed, they know their futures are already being formed, and they know if the government likes them, they’ll succeed, and if not, not. Mere kindergarteners have police records for smacking someone on the playground.
Not. Our. Goal.
Are we missing the whole picture?
A homeschooled child may be acting up, especially if Mom is there alongside, say, a museum curator, because he is confused about who is in authority at that time.
The public schooled kids, on the other hand, have no doubt–when it’s a decision between mom and teacher, the teacher definitely has all authority, hands down.
Don’t take your child there.
So, do you have the time? Will you give up the time?
It takes a lifetime.
You will never feel “done” perfecting this precious child for God, but eventually you will have to let go and let him stand on his own, like when he is in college, or sometime like that. So make the best of it, while you can.
There is no trick that will make a child suddenly be good forever. It is daily, hourly. It can be tiresome, discouraging, and intimidating.
I think of it as a taste of how our Heavenly Father must feel exasperated at me.
Welcome to motherhood!
Some days it can seem like the enemy is winning. Some of the worst days will be when he is getting sick, and will make you feel like a mean mom for correcting him when he had a fever, or something else you did not know about until later.
Some days, though, people will marvel at what he knows about God.
Take him there.
_______________________
So, what do y’all think? Any additions? Add them below, please!
Pure water waterfalls…(Explored) (Photo credit: Pan.101)
What in the World?!
People object to the idea of purity.
Objecting to purity is the main reason people reject the Bible and declare it irrelevant.
Why?
They don’t want to be pure.
They want to do what they want.
And This Matters Because…?
A lack of purity in those around us causes many of our problems.
Failures in the realm of purity cause the following:
STDs and AIDS
Prostitution
Divorce
Rape, often in conjunction with murder
Kidnapping
Child slavery
Pornography
et plus
Look at Ms Smiley and shudder. (Okay, well, don’t…)
Can You Allow God an Opinion?
God wants what is best for us and what will give us the greatest fulfillment in life. Therefore, the Bible provides strong teaching against sex outside marriage, and marriage being between a man and woman.
Where at one time (a brief time as history goes), having sexual relations outside of marriage (impurity) was considered liberating, current studies show that it:
damages one’s ability to trust
wounds future relationships
destroys one’s respect for self
diminishes the ability to make right decisions
lowers one’s respect for health
points to the end of a culture.
So God is Fun?
The Bible is relevant concerning the building of a strong, supportive, fulfilling, family life–building fun.
Fun, good childhood memories, not tragic memories.
The Bible is relevant for entering into the most important human relationship of choice, a lifelong spouse, with the ability to commit fully, and much more deeply than you have ever committed to another person in your life.
Fun, good relationships, not guilt-bound relationships.
Loyalty.
Prosperity.
Health.
Joy.
Purity before and during marriage is now known to be a crucial part of that.
And it’s something many will miss out on because they deemed the Bible irrelevant to themselves.
A lovely home schooling mom has invited me to guest post at her place,A Homeschool Mom and will published my work, today.
The topic?
“The one thing I did not know, and wish someone had told me, about home schooling.”
I had fun with it and wish you all would run on over to Cristina’s, check it out, leave a nice comment, look around and leave another nice comment, too!
Yes, dear home educator, if your in-laws are very slow to accept your decisions, you may have a tough convincing task to attempt. You can ruin a relationship with extremely important people if you ignore the feelings of family members.
Never forget this:
No matter how right you are, you are the ones who are changing.
If there is a problem within the relationship, you are the ones through whom the problem is coming.
No matter how bizarre or painful your in-laws reactions may seem to you, you have the burden of proof.
This does not mean that you are wrong, no! If God is showing you to home school, then your decision is good and right. You can see that.
Your in-laws cannot, and maybe never will, unless someone who cares about them can help them see. This is where you may come in. They are the ones who feel bad, not you. Your patience toward them will help determine how this all turns out.
Knowing where to start can seem impossible, can it not? The best place to start any endeavor is on your knees.
Pray that God would give you the right words, springing from a right heart.
Remind yourself of the dedication your parents showed in your upbringing.
Recall that God provided for you, then, through them.
Remember His command to honor your parents.
Think how you would feel in a similar circumstance. It is not enough, in God’s eyes, to be right—you also must have a right heart attitude. (I Corinthians 13)
You must deal very gently and humbly with your in-laws. The way to do this is to enter the whole situation with thankfulness for your in-laws’ reaction. Three glorious things are happening in your life:
Your in-laws care about you and your children.
Your in-laws relate to you.
You are home schooling.
Be thankful that they care, thankful that they still relate to you, and thankful that you home school. God can give you that thankful heart and the gentle humility.
Then, keep the reality of the problem in sight. The hurt, fear, and embarrassment are real to your in-laws, and will not go away for a long time. Only gentle, humble dealings will assuage their hearts. Maybe they do not really want to hear that their hurt is needless, their fears are groundless, or their embarrassment is baseless. While we can acknowledge that such a reaction may point to selfishness, pride, and lack of trust on their part, it does not change the fact that you, the messenger of such good/bad news, are finding it ill-received. It does not change God’s command to us to honor them. Part of honoring parents is to take their discomfort seriously.
The hurt is the hardest.
They truly did the best they could do (perhaps) for you, their child, and it truly is not good enough for your children. There is no getting around that.
Nevertheless, what your parents did—shifting their responsibility to educate you onto a worldly institution—was considered the best possible thing in their day. Now days it is not. Now days, experts cite home education as the best.
So in a way, you are doing exactly what your parents did: giving the best that you can.
In your parents’ days, homebound education was for children who had rheumatic fever or some other physical difficulty. In their parents’ days, though, the best often included instruction from someone who did not have a degree and many more received their education at home.
Perhaps you can make them see that what was “best” in Great-Great-Grandma’s days is now returning to vogue.
Perhaps you can make them see your home schooling as trying to keep up with current trends.
That is what they did. Thank them for caring and for their input. Let them know that you will need a lot of input. If possible, recruit their help from the start. If they can only provide a different type of flower for botany study or a different place to picnic, they can feel less left out and more as if “we help home school our grandchildren”. Help them see how much the worldly schools have deteriorated into something that is not the same as when you were little. Remind them that the Bible and good, common, Biblical sense no longer operate in the world’s schools, making them hostile places for children.
Their fears are not imagined, either.
How can your children get jobs or go to college without a high school diploma?
It was not so very long ago when you asked the same question yourself, was it? It is a legitimate question, along with many other questions that accompany the decision to home school.
Do not fault your parents or in-laws for asking the same questions you were asking just a year ago. They care, too. They may remember a few bad grades that you accumulated during your educational quest and may even feel that you do not know as much as you think you do.
Of course, almost anyone can teach most little ones the ABC’s, degree or not. What they really are asking about is high school math, is it not?
In most states, there is no test to prove “teacher proficiency” among home school moms, thank God! We are free to fail, if we want.
The simple answer is that we care about the children in our school, do not want to fail to meet their needs, and do not want them to fail. We will be diligent and we will constantly be checking our progress and theirs. Having a solid plan for checking their progress will help smooth the road for you with them.
Their embarrassment stems from what their friends will think.
These feelings can come from the idea of the dropout or the handicapped; ideas that, right or wrong, still carry a stigma for many people. Not too long ago, anyone who did not finish school was questionable.
Of course, we know that home educated graduates are more likely than others to find employment, in many cases, but our parents do not know this, sometimes (and neither do their chums.)
If you can find one of the lovely brochures that explain the preeminence of home schooling, it might help, especially if you present it quietly and gently.
If you know of other home educators who have had wonderful results (there are many) you might help the situation by pointing to their success.
One of the best arguments that I have found, one that even convinces me when I question myself, is the very long list of former home educated who became successful, even famous people. Many authors, scientists, and statesmen had the blessed start that can only happen on Mother’s lap. Many productive, moral members of our society have obtained their backbones from walking with Dad to town or to the barns and fields and watching him deal with the people he encountered. There is nothing like the way our country began, for generating good, solid life.
If you can make your family see that, they might catch your vision.
I can not promise that it will be easy. It has not been easy for us. Probably it will take a long time. Realize that you are asking them to trust you, regardless of their feelings, and . . .
. . . trust is something that a person must earn.
You cannot require or force it in any way; you must earn it. It is possible to earn trust, though, and some have done it. Until you see the beginnings of trust in your in-laws, at least you can base your words and actions upon humility and wisdom, and not leave your family with just reasons for their opposition.
Your calm, loving re-assurances can go a long way toward helping them have peace about your decisions.
Home's Cool! 