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Posted in Believe it or not!, Health, Inspiring, Photos, Wisdom

Ten Subtle Hints that You Might Be Someone’s Marionette

Posted on by Katharine
Panneau marionette
CAUTION!

Is this “feeling” of being under outside control more than just a feeling?

You may be starting to wonder, “Am I being controlled? Is this something I should begin taking more seriously? Could this problem person in my life be a bigger problem than I am realizing?”

Read the following list and wonder no more. Fine tune your manipulation radar and live free!

  1. You cringe when the phone rings. And it almost always rings at the wrong time. Like when you are trying to get some work done. And it almost always is that person.
  2. The problem person is surrounded with weak people who always cater to him and ask you to do likewise. She has lots of friends. But they act worn out and bored all the time.
  3. You cannot remember “how I got into this.” Often. You end up despairing because you have too much to do. You do not feel comfortable just saying “no”.
  4. You deal with this person’s needs before your own, and can’t figure why. Enough said.
  5. Being polite has not helped. In fact, sometimes it seems to bring out the worst in her.
  6. Your problem person has accused you falsely, several times, of nit-picky things. You feel stupid negating it, so you sigh and let it go.
  7. Your spouse is getting tired of this. And you really cannot blame him.
  8. You fear hurting the problem person’s feelings. You care.
  9. Even when you take a vacation, hundreds of miles from this person, his name or troubles pop up in conversations, so there still is no rest.
  10. Your friends are backing away a bit. You are weird with this friend…

There you have it. Do you feel more certain now? You may be a marionette, but you still can cut at least a few of the strings that lead you around and at least tone down the level of outside control over your life. Read the previous posts to learn more, here, here, and here.

And live free.

(*Image via Wikipedia.)

Posted in Believe it or not!, Blessings of Habit, Health, Inspiring, Photos, Wisdom

What to Do if You Are Under a Manipulator – part 2

Posted on by Katharine
Tenzin Has A Tantrum
When an adult acts like this…

Yesterday we began a list of 7 tactics a person can try, when forced to deal repeatedly with a manipulative, controlling person. Today’s post is the rest of the list. First, though, we must repeat one fact: these suggestions do not apply well to a legitimate authority who uses a manipulative management style. Now, the rest of the list:

8.  Approach the controller when he least expects it. You call him, for a change. Arrange something irresistible and treat the person to a pleasant taste of his own medicine. He probably will pretend that he knew you were going to call, he was just thinking of the same idea, and will probably insist on paying his own way. Call his bluff, insist on paying, yourself, and make it the type of thing that denies him your presence unless you get a turn at running things, once in a while.

9.  When you just need to get alone and cannot achieve it, witness to the controller. Ask him what the Lord has been doing in his life, lately. Ask him if he has anything really special he could share from his quiet time. If he does not claim salvation, explain his need to him in a rather aggressive way. Ask him how you can pray for him. (It would be really mean to say this if you did not mean it, though!) Either he will go away in a frenzy, or he will hear the Word and be drawn to the Lord. If he is going to insist on tying up your life, let it be time well spent. You may be surprised.

10.  Pray for God’s protection from curses and negative words spoken over your life by this person.

11.  If you find that you simply cannot let go of your demonic manipulator, you probably need deliverance from a co-dependent spirit. Ask your pastor. If he does not believe in deliverance, ask him why deliverance is in the Bible; why Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever; or if the devil is less evil than he once was. As you begin withdrawing from the controlling influence, you can expect to see bizarre behavior such as screaming, silence, accusations, tears, hysterical laughter, threats, weird phone calls, etc. You are probably living with some of this already. It may escalate. Try to remain unruffled. SEE IT COMING; do not say, “I didn’t even see it coming!” Make some accusations of your own, if it gets to be too much, but do not make the mistake of engaging in a verbal battle. Calm reason in the face of total absurdity usually has a powerful way of making a point.

12.  If your manipulator is also your legitimate authority, realize your position means you should usually do what he says, regardless of a very horrid management style. You may escape many of the pitfalls of the manipulation by using #8 (a little), #9, and #10.

Also:
a.  Commit to obey God by keeping His command to obey your governing authorities.
b.  Commit your life and its outcomes to Him.
c.  Re-commit yourself to trusting God’s provision. Only He can change some situations.

Living within the type of agony caused by the manipulator/controller spirit among us is a difficult assignment. I’ve been there more than once. I’ve battled the false guilt, false accusations, public embarrassment, sadness, and sheer weight of this enemy of all people.

The unhappy ones who listen to this enemy of us all and who walk in his ways need help. Until they want it enough to get it, though, we endure as best we can.

I hope this list gives you some usable tools to do what you must do under your heavy load: DO NOT BE AN ENABLER

Tomorrow (Lord willing!): Tiny Hints that YOU May Be a Marionette!

Posted in Blessings of Habit, Health, Inspiring, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

What to Do if You Are Under a Manipulator – Part 1

Posted on by Katharine

If you and a manipulative person are thrown in together in a way where you cannot escape, what can you do?

  1. First, realize this does not apply to your God-ordained authorities. This means your pastor, husband, parents (if you are young and single), boss, police, mayor, judges, etc. These people are supposed to have some say in your life and you should do what they say if it is not illegal.
  2. Be careful of receiving gifts, compliments, invitations, etc., especially if they have implied debts attached to them (strings attached). You may feel that God wants you to accept the item, but always remember that anything given to you is yours to do with or about as you see fit. A gift is not a contract. If you did not say you would reciprocate with a certain favor because of what you have received, you are not bound to do so when such favors are brought up after the fact.
  3. Seek God daily about your daily activities. Make God your daily planner, not the person who is trying to be God.
  4. Plan ahead. Decide before the telephone rings how long you need to spend on the telephone today. Decide before you receive an invitation for dinner whether or not you are available to go out. Decide before the next time the person is trying to cry, just exactly what your response should be, then . . .
  5. Do not back down! Make “no” mean NO. you can be very polite and still say “no” and make it stick. Do not worry about what the person will think; these people are not responsible for their thoughts and their thoughts are mostly irrational and unpredictable, anyway. No matter what you do, you will invoke base thought from a manipulator.
  6. Be merciless with the sin of control; love the sinner. You can be very distant from a person for his own good, out of love for the person. You could deny an alcoholic liquor because you loved him, right? This time, you are the addictive substance that is being consumed to the point of abuse. Someone has to stop it.
  7. Don’t major on minors. Allow a little control, if you see that it doesn’t matter, especially at first. Let the person choose your ice cream, parking spot, whatever will soften the initial blow of weaning. Save your insistence for choosing friends, movies, books, etc. Also, if the controller lies about the laundry, for instance, let it go, but if lies about your children pop up, expose them.

Hope this is beginning to make sense. More coming tomorrow!

Posted in Health, Inspiring, Photos, Scripture, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

Ten Ways to Spot a Manipulator a Mile Away

Posted on by Katharine
Breguet_manipulator
Breguet Manipulator

Oh, don’t we all find ourselves caught in a web prepared by some manipulator, sometimes?

It can be so hard to extricate ourselves. I am sure we would love if they wore beepers, so we could walk far around them.

In a way, they do.

I would love to share about this, in hope of sparing someone out there, if possible. Following are a few of the many signs of a controller/manipulator personality:

  1. They usually do not have their own lives under control. You know the ones–3 times the size they should be, scream at their children lots, talk too loudly, abuse substances, have barely a pathway through their overly-stuffed home, etc.
  2. They do not delegate well, and want to be the only one able to do the job right. We wish!–Because they volunteer too much and think they are good managers, even assume bogus titles to prove it, right? They are prideful and want you to think they know everything.
  3. They ignore you, flatter you, change the subject, or know someone ELSE it applies to, but don’t self-apply good teaching; usually can’t get the Spritual application of it.
  4. They gossip and gripe. Gr-r-r!
  5. They want special privileges and unnatural private time. A lot.
  6. They are resistant to, or even terrified of, proper authority, proper control.
  7. They are long on doctrine, short on loving understanding; they try to confuse the mind.
  8. They can become quite angry.
  9. They often have been deeply wounded in the past and may be driven by avoiding further hurt.
  10. They always, always have the person they manipulate, or “own”, foremost in thought and speech.

Okay, this is the short list. There is more, but the big thing to remember is that these people feel so insecure, it is sad. They do what they do to feel more secure, usually, to try to keep everything under control and at arm’s length, to avoid pain.

Note: Just because you have a PhD in blogging, need to lose 70 pounds, like me a lot, and send me personal notes of encouragement, it does NOT mean you’re trying to manipulate me!!! Just don’t google my phone number, call me, and rant at me for an hour, and we’ll be fine! 🙂

Oh, and the mother/child relationship is different. You are supposed to devote lots to your children, cherish them, think of them always, manage their little lives, etc. Most manipulators, although they should, do not do this.

Just remember one day, when they’re grown, you will have to let go of your children. Manipulators usually do not do that, either.

To see these concepts in action in the Bible, read about the lives of King Saul and Prince Absalom, in 1 Samuel 9 through 2 Samuel 19. David’s reaction to both was mostly good.

Click here to read the next page of this series!

Posted in Believe it or not!, Inspiring, Rain, Wisdom, Womanhood

Fayetteville Prayer Vigil Greeted with Sprinklers, Vulgar Music

Posted on by Katharine

This is how it is, now, in the land of the free and the home of the brave:

The people who arrived for the 40 Days for Life kickoff event last week, outside the abortion center in Fayetteville, Arkansas, got a bit of a surprise–a brand-new sprinkler system, with the sprinkler heads pointed directly at the prayer volunteers.
“The owner of the business complex turned the sprinklers on as soon as we set up all our equipment,” said Tiffany in Fayetteville. “And they kept the sprinklers on for two hours.”

One co-owner spent the entire two hours “pacing and walking up and down the parking lot, yelling at us and telling the police to arrest us,” she said. “Needless to say, the police officers were polite and explained they could not arrest us.”

The prayer volunteers were then greeted with loud, obscene music from inside the building. “We sang and played worship music and lifted our voices to God,” Tiffany explained. “Our God songs drowned out the vulgar music.”

Through it all, the prayer volunteers refused to be discouraged. “The bottom line–God triumphed,” she said. “Praise the Lord!”

40 Days for Life is a peaceful assembly. Participants gather on public sidewalks outside abortion facilities, and pray that God will end abortion in America in our lifetime. That’s really all there is to it. I don’t know why someone would feel the need to try to stop a group of people from exercising their religious right to pray publicly, but that appears to be what happened in Fayetteville.

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Posted in Blessings of Habit, Good ol' days, Health, Homemaking, Photos, Recipes

Pear Butter

Posted on by Katharine
Pears
Bumper Crop

Oh, to bring back the days of sweet, crunchy pears! What memories of delicious fruit we would have forever!

We cannot bring them back, but we can prolong those days by helping the harvest last longer, by canning those pears.

If you are coming into the lovely problem of too many pears, here is how we deal with them–mmm!

1. Core and remove stems, but do not peel pears. Remove bad spots. Drop into 1 gallon water with 1 vitamin C tablet crushed in it.
2. Drain pears. Bring to boil in non-reactive pan (stainless steel or enamel) over medium heat with 1/2″ fresh water in covered pan.
3. Allow pears in water to simmer, stirring,  until fruit is soft, adding water if necessary, to prevent scorching.
4. Mash pears or press through colander.
5. Return pulp to pan and season to taste with brown sugar, and if desired, cinnamon.
6. Reheat until simmering and hold at simmering for a few minutes. Keep at simmering, stirring, during entire process. Add water if needed.
7. Meanwhile, estimate number of pint or smaller canning jars you will need to contain all the pear butter. Wash carefully and rinse these jars. Count the same number of canning lids (flats) and heat in small saucepan of water as directed on box. Set aside and keep hot. Be sure to have one screw band for each lid. Lay one or two jars down in another large pan with 2″ water in it. Cover and bring to boil. Bring to boil another covered pan large enough to hold all the jars at once, with water enough to cover all the jars and rack in bottom of pan to keep jars from direct contact with bottom. (This pan should be a bit larger than your largest burner, and at leat 16″ tall, like a spaghetti boiler. The perfect pan is often called a “water bath canner”. If you lack a lid, a pizza pan works fine.)
8. Using jar lifter, carefully remove one jar from boiling water, emptying into boiling pan, and set it upright onto thick towelling.
9. Using canning funnel and long-handled measuring cup, carefully ladle simmering pear sauce into jar, within 1/2″ of top. Wipe rim clean and dry. Remove flat from hot water with tines of fork. Apply flat and screw band to filled jar, using thick towel to protect hands from heat. Use jar lifter to set lidded jar into tall pan of boiling water.
10. Repeat until all sauce is in jars, in boiling water bath. Time boiling from this time, for 15 minutes. Remove jars and set on clean, DRY towelling. Cover with light towel and allow to cool away from drafts. Do not disturb until completely cooled.
11. Remove screw bands from all sealed jars. (Sealed jars will be indented on top.) Place any unsealed jars in refrigerator and use very soon. Place all others in cool, dark place to keep for at least a year and use whenever you miss those crunchy pears!

We use this in place of jam on buttered toast.

Sometimes I only add white sugar and no spices to this recipe and we eat it like applesauce. Sometimes the pears are so sweet, I skip the sugar, too.

It’s all good!

I do hope these directions were clear. I ‘d be happy to answer all questions here. Remember, the only dumb question is the unspoken one! 🙂

Posted in Believe it or not!, Blessings of Habit, Inspiring, Pre-schoolers, Sayings, Who's the mom here?, Wisdom

A New Kind of Countdown . . .

Posted on by Katharine

Do you “count” you kids down?

You know, you tell them to do something and they don’t do it.

So you say, “One . . . ”

The implication is that you have told them once and you are keeping track, so you must really mean it. Or something.

Then you tell them again, and you say, “That’s two,” a bit more firmly.

Then you tell them again, and you say,  “Don’t make me get out of this chair!” They yawn.

And the countdown begins again.

The children learn they do not have to do anything you say because what you say does not really mean anything at all, and your frustration level escalates.

Well, I was at a craft show this weekend and met a lady who “counts” her grandsons and it is all different. I liked it.

She has taught these two boys to repeat a chant with her. It goes like this:

–Grandmother: One.

–Grandsons: One–I am going a wrong way.

—Grandmother: Two.

—Grandsons: Two–I need to find a different way.

You may wonder where the expected “three” is. On “three” she gets out of her chair. That’s one reason this method works.

(However, as a child, I am sure I would have been saying inside myself, “Three–I need to get OUT of the way!”)

As I observed these boys I marvelled. They had been without Mom for a week and were at a boring craft fair where it was not appropriate for them to do anything. They shared one toy truck and played on the ground with it.

When one boy decided to drive the truck on the sidewalk, Grandmother perceived he was causing a tripping hazard for the shoppers. So she told him to stop and return to the grassy places where her tent was.

He did this only briefly, then strayed to the sidewalk again.

Then she said, “One.”

He replied, “One–I am going a wrong way,” and he sighed, returning to the grass.

In less than a minute his toy truck had strayed again. And Grandmother said, “Two.”

He answered, “Two–I need to find a different way.” Then my jaw dropped, I am sure, as he calmly walked over to his brother, handed him the toy, and wryly said, “See if you can keep this thing off the sidewalk. I can’t.”

I imagine these two little guys, someday at age 35 or so, filling out a tax form or zipping down a highway, temped to “forget” some benefit or accelerate too much, and hearing Grandmother say to them, through the ages, “One . . . “